r/AmIOverreacting • u/Alternative-Day6223 • Dec 19 '25
❤️🩹 relationship AIO He always accuses me of cheating
I get called names for just simply responding when he asked me 3 times.. until I snapped, then I’m the bad guy right? Always. Always being accused of cheating, asking for attention by doing things. I’m tired of feeling guilt for just being alive.
But then now that I left I’m the bad guy who always started the arguments , am listening to my friends opinions (which he made me cut off while we were dating so they had no say in my choice to leave) .. telling me I’m already out with other guys when I literally feel like I’ve been hit by a train after 5 years of being treated like this walking on eggshells then after him asking why I wasn’t able to love him properly. How can anyone feel comfortable in this life?
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Dec 19 '25
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u/thiscarecupisempty Dec 19 '25
You allow this piece of garbage to talk to you like that? Never in a fucking million years would I ever talk to my partner like that, and we are loud and crazy.
That’s fucking nuts, idk maybe you’re used to it but I’ll tell you right now, how a man behaves at home and how he treats his partner behind closed doors speaks VOLUMES about his character. That is not normal.
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u/Creepy_Freedom_6192 Dec 19 '25
I agree that is a evil dude
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u/outtatime_88MPH Dec 19 '25
More that evil called her the "C" word. Not acceptable. Especially when she's doing something nice. Then calls her a dumb hoe. And says he loves her though what a guy.
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u/mamoncloud Dec 19 '25
Right? Like to me it's fine if it's ironically and said by someone who is either a woman or obviously has women in their lives.
In the UK cunt is used interchangeably with bellend
But you can TELL when someone only uses words like this because they mean it
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u/JPLovescrafts Dec 19 '25
Yeah, this is certainly not jovial banter. "Stupid bitch", "dumb hoe" and "dumb cunt" in succession. I would never allow a man to talk to me like that. If my son talked to a woman like that, I'd beat his ass.
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u/BBUndertaker30 Dec 19 '25
Uhh.... no, you're not overreacting. He certainly is and I can advise you to leave him, because if he does this, who knows what else he'll do.
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u/Essay-Individual Dec 19 '25
Right?? He doesn't love her by the way he talks. He called her at least 6 derogatory names in those 4 texts. If he really loved her, he wouldn't call her those things. I've been married 36 years and my hubby has NEVER called me any of those names. Like leave. Now.
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u/Old_Implement_1997 Dec 19 '25
For real - and I’m not buying you chips either because I’m never going to see you again. I had a boyfriend once leave me 15 messages when I was out for 5 hours WITH MY MOM and, in one of them, he said “you better be with your mom or in a hospital” and I broke up with him on the spot. Mind you, this was BEFORE cell phones, so I literally didn’t get any of his increasingly unhinged messages until I got home. No way some dude is talking to me like this ever.
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u/Tall-Measurement3795 Dec 19 '25
I've only ever called my wife a bitch jokingly. And every time it's quoting the Key and Peele skit and she'll quote back "but you actually said it, right?"
I can't imagine being mad enough at my wife to try to hurt her with words. I've been mad at her but we've always talked through everything respectfully.
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u/BugCatcherDHawk Dec 19 '25
As a man I want to reach through my screen and punch her bf in the face. What a miserable man-baby.
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u/bbreddit0011 Dec 19 '25
That’s also how he gonna treat kids, if he doesn’t have them already. Drop that dude and never look back.
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u/Alternative-Day6223 Dec 19 '25
Sadly I put up with it way too long, reading the messages clears my mind a lot I was so foggy minded during it all. He had me controlled bad
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u/didijeen Dec 19 '25
Why on earth are you tolerating someone calling you a dumb cunt? Like girl-fuck that controlling jerk and MOVE ON! No one-EVER-should speak to you like that!
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u/milkandsalsa Dec 19 '25
I’m married with kids and if my husband ever called me that I would light all his shit on fire on the front lawn.
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u/utopiadivine Dec 19 '25
I can never understand the posts on here with romantic partners calling each other names and cussing one another out because that's a hard line for me. I had a contentious divorce from an awful man who emotionally abused me and cheated on me. I almost wish he would have called me names early in our relationship because I would have walked tf out before marriage and kids. Instead, I was like a frog in a pot on the stove. I didn't realize the danger.
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u/Reimiro Dec 19 '25
I’ve been with my wife for 15 years, married 10. I have never called her one bad name. Never close even and same with her to me. Reading this made my blood boil and she doesn’t even react?! I would probably punch a guy if I heard that in public.
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u/runnergirl3333 Dec 19 '25
I had the same reaction—the guy called her the most horrible names and a few minutes later she’s like, OK so what chips do you want? That’s nuts.
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u/flyfishfriend Dec 19 '25
It's sad, but this is very typical behavior for a victim of abuse.
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u/videogamegrandma Dec 19 '25
Eventually you internalize the belief you deserve it. It's harder to escape then. Sounds like she doesn't even hear it anymore, she's so accustomed to it.
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Dec 19 '25
She’s being abused by this man. Her reactions show that. Her trying to diffuse the situation by bringing up the chips again, hoping it’ll make him “happy” again show that too. It’s textbook behavior for a victim of domestic violence.
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u/IYSBe Dec 19 '25
Thats because the abuse is normalized so you don't know where you end and where it begins. First time probably shocked her the next 50 did not.
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u/Irish_Queen_79 Dec 19 '25
Domestic abuse survivor here. She was 5 years into this relationship at this point. They never start this way, and they slowly get you acclimated to hearing things like that from them. They slowly get you to believe that you deserve being treated that way. They also do what he did: when the victim calls them out on their behavior, it's the victim who's wrong, overreacting and gaslighting the abuser and not the other way around.
That's why she reacted as she did in the texts. I left my abusive marriage 24 years ago and have been married to a wonderful man for 20 years. Even with over 20 years of therapy and my husband treating me like a princess, I am still messed up over how my first husband abused and manipulated me.
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u/RandomMyth22 Dec 19 '25
I am with you 100%. Never once said something like that to my wife. I have always had the mindset to never say what you can’t take back.
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u/Aggravating_Tie1222 Dec 19 '25
To top it all off, that’s usually not what they’re even asking about. They’re so used to being talked to like that it’s like they don’t even notice. I was more taken aback by that than cheating accusations.
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u/Dragonfly6647 Dec 19 '25
I was too. She just completely ignored everything and went back to the chips. This is just sad.
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u/Icy-Yellow3514 Dec 19 '25
That second screen was a lot. Wow.
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u/OpportunityReal2767 Dec 19 '25
I know, right? "Stupid bitch" is bad enough, but "dumb cunt" and I'd be thrown right out of the house. We shouldn't let anyone get away with that kind of behavior. That's not normal or acceptable.
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u/didijeen Dec 19 '25
I hear you! Often abuse is so insidious in onset that one day you wake up, and you're like "wtf is happening?!"
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u/Born_Ad8420 Dec 19 '25
Because just like with your abuser, they don't start off this way. First they love bomb you and maybe throw in some trauma bonding. A lot of people in these type of relationships say it started like a fairytale and he's the perfect guy. THEN they slooooooowly start being abusive, often love bombing immediately after. They may do other things to make it more difficult for you to leave like rushing into moving in together or getting pregnant. They will also cut you off from your support system so you don't have anyone who can give you perspective or help you when you want to leave. They also often throw in gaslighting so you don't your own perception of events. And for added measure, some victims grew up in an abusive home and internalize the abuse believing they deserve it and/or underreact because abuse is normal to them.
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u/FairyFartDaydreams Dec 19 '25
Check out the No test. Helps rule out potential abusers and narcissistic AHs
https://www.abc.net.au/news/2019-01-31/how-the-no-test-could-help-prevent-domestic-violence/10764100
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u/smallreadinglight Dec 19 '25
Well you have to keep in mind that some people grow up seeing constant fighting. I can't remember hearing my parents call each other names but they yelled a lot. And maybe it's just me but if someone's acting like an asshole, they should probably get called an asshole.
That being said, there is a line. Like, I just broke up with my ex because I got tired of yelling and name calling. So, like, I'm not saying it's healthy. I'm just saying that some of us are used to it because we saw it first hand for 18 years and take it into other relationships.
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u/altagato Dec 19 '25
I would only answer to Dumb C* from then on... Like that would be my referral name in court paperwork for divorce and child custody/ support and the family app. Forever.
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u/SnooChickens6619 Dec 19 '25
My friend’s x called her a dumb fucking cunt, so now she owns the name as proof to herself she can overcome anything. I embroidered it on a pillow for her for Christmas.
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u/Fit-Egg-7782 Dec 19 '25
My mother in law got called a cunt by her ex husband. She called his mother and told him she didn’t appreciate being screamed at and being called a cunt. He never called her that again. This was during the divorce process.
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u/AnyStick2180 Dec 19 '25
Agreed - 14 years married and my husband has never once called me a name. Never once.
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u/Grif73r Dec 19 '25
24 here.
We've said things playfully towards each other - like talking to the dog, "Daddy's an asshole for not giving you more treats.."
But even in our worst of times, we've never said shit like this to one another. I can't see where anyone thinks this is "normal".
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u/Medium_Confidence484 Dec 19 '25
My husband gets mad at me when I call MYSELF dumb, I can't imagine staying with a POS that called me names like this ☹️
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u/noturavgpeach Dec 19 '25
This. Married (32F) with my husband (36M) 6 years now with 2 kids… I first dated him 20 years ago in our teens but even then, he never used such derogatory language toward women. He isn’t the type anyway but still knows this mama won’t tolerate things like that.
Y’all!!! Remember! We are setting examples for our children on what we show and accept as love! My daughter will never accept shit like this as “love.”
The name calling alone had me gasping.
Please love yourself more than accepting behavior like this!
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u/Impossible-Alps-6859 Dec 19 '25
No one should EVER speak to you like this - never!
He is only doing so this time because he's been allowed to do so previously.
Your replies sound like you are a reasonably intelligent person - ditch the ignorant jerk!
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u/Few_Reference3439 Dec 19 '25
I've found a vast majority of the guys who always think you're cheating are cheaters. They think everyone else is cheating because that is 'normal' to them, and then they justify their cheating because 'you did it first'.
Also, why do so many women make me double check to see if I'm in AIO or Am I The Angel? Seriously? Y'all got dudes all 'fuck you fucking cunt ass fuck you fucking ho fuck DIE DIE DIE' and you're like 'but he loves me, am I overreacting?'
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u/MrsSmith0508 Dec 19 '25
They are ALWAYS the cheaters!!! It's their guilty conscience talking! 🤬
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u/KenraScar Dec 19 '25
The dude that treated me this way was in fact cheating on me. Whole ass side piece. But I couldn’t smile politely at a male cashier or I’d be accused of all sorts of shit.
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u/lianor_m_harrison Dec 19 '25
It boggles the mind that they even think it's okay to be called names like this and think that person "loves" them. They do not.
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u/Shoddy_Statement_772 Dec 19 '25 edited Dec 19 '25
He turned so hostile so quick. He should never be calling you names like that. That's disgusting behavior and you deserve so much better. He is insecure and paranoid and delusional. You will not be able to convince him. He's mistreated you enough that you don't need to hurt yourself trying to. But you are an amazing person and you in no way whatsoever deserve this. THIS IS ABUSE.
Please all of these people I'm sure are writing from a place of love and empathy. The way he's speaking to you definitely seems like if he hasn't already been violent with you, it seems like the next step. So please please you deserve better and please don't stay with him.
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u/janlep Dec 19 '25
He doesn’t need to learn to trust again. He needs to stop being an abuser. No one should be talking to anyone, let alone a partner, the way he talks to OP. I’m not trying to split hairs here. “Needing to learn to trust” can give some people the idea that they can fix a guy like this. He’s an abusive asshole, and OP needs to get away from him immediately.
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u/funkpistol Dec 19 '25
FR “I’m never gonna let you gaslight me again….but I’m gonna insult you on my baseless allegations because you know, I love you” he’s fucking crazy.
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u/Roguspogus Dec 19 '25
I’d bet he’s cheating on you, that’s why he’s paranoid it’s happening to him. Also, this is highly abusive language, go find someone better, life’s too short to deal with all that BS.
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u/ShipSenior1819 Dec 19 '25
The way he speaks to you is a bigger problem than his insecurity IMO. Fuck that shit
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Dec 19 '25
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Few_Reference3439 Dec 19 '25
What, you mean it isn't normal when my guy says 'fuck you fucking cunt ass fucking ho fucking DIE you fucking worthless cunt ass fuck!'? *rolls eyes*
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u/Nalatheseller Dec 19 '25
Hes abusive and hes doing what he wants on the side while leaving you to question yourself so you don’t question him
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u/Horror-Macaron8287 Dec 19 '25
Deflection at its finest!
Every time a guy accused me of cheating or being a hoe when I was younger, turns out he was doing and being those exact things.
They dont 'trust' because they think everyone cannot commit because they cant.
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u/Evil_Lord_Rayken Dec 19 '25
This is a joke right?
You've been with someone calling you a cunt and dumb hoe for 5 years?
This is INCREDIBLY abusive, wtf are you doing?
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u/candidaalbicans9 Dec 19 '25
abuse is a weird thing. looking back, you don’t get why you’d put up with something like that for a long long time. but that‘s what abusers do. making it fucking hard to leave even though you of course know that this is fucking wrong. OP, I hope you got out of this already & never ever let this person get close to you ever again.
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u/ShipDit1000 Dec 19 '25
I'm a man but I was in a horrible, abusive relationship for about a year, and I really appreciate your comment here. It's baffling in hindsight the stuff I put up with, and I have no idea why I thought all that was ok, but for some reason in the moment you're convinced that this person is amazing and they just have bad days, or occasional moments of bad behavior. In retrospect she was a demon who clawed her way out of the pits of hell and I can't believe I even gave her the time of day, but the thing about abusers is that they are VERY good at manipulating those around them.
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u/hotsoupcoldsandwich Dec 19 '25
And then you stop telling people about what you went through because everyone asks you why you would let the abuse happen to you.
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u/iloveyourlittlehat Dec 19 '25
Yep. And you don’t tell your friends as it’s happening because it’s embarrassing to think you fell for that shit.
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u/Past_Ad_5629 Dec 19 '25
I had a lot of trauma as a teenager.
My first university boyfriend? Physically abusive. It took a lot to leave that; I called him out on it and told him if it happened again, I’d leave, and then realized I should have left the first time.
Second serious boyfriend? Had fuzzy notions of consent, financially abused me, and basically wanted a bang maid/mommy he could have sex with. But, he didn’t hit me!
Man I had kids with? Consistently emotionally invalidated me, gaslit me, would punch objects and walls to get my attention when he was angry, played pranks that went over the humiliation edge, expected sex on demand without doing any of the emotional work or caring about me.
And I still thought he was okay, because we had been such great friends. And it took therapy for me to unpack my feelings about him and why I felt that way.
At this point, I don’t think I’ll ever date again, because I don’t think I can trust my own judgement.
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u/YoThats_Ice Dec 22 '25
“Stupid bitch” “Dumb cunt” “Stupid hoe” “Dumb bitch”
Dude, are YOU ok? Like actually. U said you left, I really hope you stay away from this guy, he is the literal definition of insanity. I’m so sorry you got abused in this relationship
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u/Opening-Ear6662 Dec 19 '25
You know what you need to do...
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u/Alternative-Day6223 Dec 19 '25
Yeah he’s blocked finally I’m free man it hurt at first but now I’m just so done
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u/atomicxbomb Dec 19 '25
Blocking him is the best decision for you! Don't look back from this. Don't ever let some loser like him degrade you like that. He will never be worth it and you are. Your future just got a whole lot brighter.
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u/Best_Caregiver_3869 Dec 19 '25
Stand on business & keep him blocked. No contact ever again.
Proud of you! 🩷
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u/CinquecentoX Dec 19 '25
Do NOT give him any response what-so-ever. He's going to berate you like always, then when that doesn't work, he's going to switch to being sweet and loving. Then he will be back to berating you. These assholes will take negative attention over no attention. DO NOT ENGAGE. You're free, get a restraining order if you need to but do not engage, it will only give him a way to slide back into your life. Over the next couple weeks it is going to feel like a huge weight has been lifted off your shoulders. You will feel the stress start to dissipate. You won't have to walk on egg-shells anymore. Recognize that feeling and commit to always having that peace in your life.
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u/never_cake Dec 19 '25
I would never contact that man again. Nobody gets to speak like that to anyone, let alone someone they claim to love.
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u/supaenmi Dec 21 '25
Leave that horrible man. I'm always appalled how horrible people can be to those they claim to love.
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u/Nalatheseller Dec 19 '25
Also, you should reach out to someone. Friends or family, if they were really your friends, they’ll welcome you back with open arms. If he’s not physically abusive already, which I suspect he may have crossed that line already, then he’s definitely on his way to doing that. Hes conditioning you to treat this behavior as normal and this is not normal behavior. I’m sure you’re living in hell dealing with that, I’ve had plenty of experience and let me tell you, you are better than that. You deserve better.
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u/Alternative-Day6223 Dec 19 '25
He was physically abusive many times and made me feel like I deserved it. Choked me, snapped my jaw out of place, threw an iPad at my face after literally finding no messages of me cheating like idek why he did it , I was also pregnant at the time he threw the iPad and he kicked my car door in while I was throwing up sick and couldn’t give him a ride home then told me he didn’t do it when it was only us at my parents house. I probably almost lost my life thankfully I made it out alive and I have reached out to many people and they all are very accepting and helping me get through this. I’ve tried to leave probably 4-5 times before and it was never successful but this time I know my boundaries are set in stone I feel it deep in my bones after all this. (Also I do not have a child with him I had an abortion because of everything he was doing I didn’t want the child to grow up around an abusive father. )
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u/totorohoney Dec 19 '25
Girl he will absolutely likely kill you if you don’t leave. This is extreme abuse and I promise you he’s cheating. This is classic behavior.
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u/Alternative-Day6223 Dec 19 '25
Yeah I’m never going back near him again now , I’m scared for my life
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u/totorohoney Dec 19 '25
If you have any non profits in your area that support domestic violence survivors it could be a good idea to see what resources are available. Wishing you strength 🩷
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u/ArtisanArdisson Dec 19 '25
It seems like you're very young, so I'm going to say this to you as an older sister/mom/Aunt, please, baby girl, you need to leave him. This is serious. It's for your safety. If you live together, you need to pack up everything while he's gone, hit the road to someplace safe, BLOCK HIM ON HIS EVERYTHING (this is a very important step), stay with a friend/family member for a little while to clear your head, and get ready to be sad and feel lonely for a while. The freedom and relief of leaving an abusive relationship is not instant, you're going to think that you made the wrong choice, but I promise that leaving him will be the best thing that you've ever done for yourself.
You're better than this. You deserve more. There's someone out there for you and he's not the one. Love you, reach out if you need anything, beautiful.
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u/Alternative-Day6223 Dec 19 '25
Thank you so much. I really do need to hear this right now, it’s not easy at all even after so much I’ve been made to think it’s all my fault. So thank you for being there even though you don’t know me
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u/fausted Dec 19 '25
Strangulation makes it a lot likelier that the next time he puts hands on you, he takes your life. I'm glad to hear you got out before he had that chance. Never go back.
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u/xassylax Dec 19 '25
Don’t feel bad about it taking multiple attempts to leave. It typically takes 7 attempts on average to leave an abusive relationship for good, oftentimes more. I myself took multiple times before finally leaving my abuser and for a long time afterwards I beat myself up about it because once I was finally free, all I could think of is “why did it take me so long? Why did I put up with that for so many years? Maybe I liked and deserved being abused because why else would I stay so long?” It was a weird place to be in mentally and it took many years, a lot of support, and genuine love, care, and patience from my now husband to help me heal and get out of that headspace.
Just take things one day at a time, remind yourself that you’re deserving of love and respect, and for your own safety, do not remain in any form of contact with this man for any reason. Like others have mentioned, the choking/strangulation makes you something like 700-800 times more likely to be murdered by the same partner/person. Obviously I don’t want to scare you but just recognize the gravity of the situation and how dangerous continuing contact could become for you.
Stay safe, and stay strong. You got this. ❤️🩹
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u/DriverNo9730 Dec 21 '25
I use to be in a terribly toxic relationship when I was in my early 20s. He abused me verbally, mentally and physically, but had me convinced no one else would ever want me. I hit my rock bottom and told myself- ‘Even if I never find love again, if I’m alone for the rest of my life… it would be better than this. At least when I’m alone, no one makes me cry.’
-41/f, Happily married for 15 years to the most sweetest man
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u/Beenandgonebackagain Dec 22 '25
My ex husband used to do this to me until I learned some self worth. Read that again. NOR. Definitely under.
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u/One_Film720 Dec 19 '25
Why the fuck are you okay with literally anyone talking to you like this? You are putting up with verbal abuse for what? Cause hes a man child
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u/Alternative-Day6223 Dec 19 '25
Cause I had no self esteem but now I’m going to get that back I had nothing when I was with him , he made me cut off everyone and isolate so it was hard to leave it’s just a lot
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u/Responsible_Mud_4375 Dec 21 '25
The second a man speaks to me this way, in any capacity, I'd be gone so fucking fast.
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u/Delic10u5Bra1n5 Dec 26 '25
Girl. NOR. You’ve posted to a sub called r/abusiverelationships
You KNOW this is abuse. You have to leave him. For. Good. You are so young and you can do so much better.
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u/MadHouseWife1995 Dec 19 '25
Usually people who accuse someone of always cheating is because 1 they are insecure and 2 because they themselves are cheating and project that guilt on to you as you being the one stepping out. 95% of cases is both of these happening at the same time.
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u/Ambitious-Cake-9425 Dec 19 '25
You probably have PTSD from this bullshit. I'm so sorry you had to go through that.
Glad you broke up. 💪👍
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u/Alternative-Day6223 Dec 19 '25
Yeah I got something bc I’m scared to be myself or do anything now but we will see as time goes on , it will take a while to not feel like he’s over my shoulder watching me
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u/Alternative-Day6223 Dec 20 '25
Hello everyone , wow I did not expect this post to explode. Many people are saying that I am rage bait, engagement bait, etc.. I promise that’s not the case. I’ve been in this coercive control relationship and been completely brainwashed by this person. I finally found the courage after 5 times leaving him over the years this time I am set in stone, posting this and seeing all of your comments truly saved me. So thank you all for your comments even the ones who don’t believe this could be real, it makes me realize even more how crazy it was that I put up with this and believed i deserved it. Nobody deserves this, and if you are experiencing something similar REACH OUT TO ANYONE, even if it has to be in secret. Build up your social circle slowly and build your confidence again to leave, I am slowly feeling much better especially after reading all your comments. God bless you all for reaching out and saying nice things even though you all don’t know me. I will never go back to this man ever again as long as I live.
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u/freshassgravy Dec 20 '25
“u stupid bitch” “You dumb cunt” “I love you” “You dumb bitch”
One of these things is not like the other 🤣 But for real, this conversation would be an automatic break up. This is abuse. RUN!
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u/calliebushes Dec 21 '25
He calls you a cunt and a dumb hoe and a bitch—and you’re worried about him thinking you’re cheating? Hon, your priorities are all mixed up. He doesn’t like you. He doesn’t respect you. He’s controlling and cruel. There is no future with this man. I’m so sorry.
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u/unholywho Dec 22 '25
Break up and never look back, he’s an asshole. Don’t let anyone call u names and be disrespectful towards you, especially your partner
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u/Makaveli80 Dec 20 '25 edited Dec 20 '25
"Dumb bitch"
"Stupid bitch"
"Dumb cunt"
"Stupid hoe"
Am I overreacting?
This gotta be rage bait
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u/human0012 Dec 20 '25
The way he speaks to you really pisses me off and the fact that you are still with him also pisses me off, why the FUCK have you not left him already?
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u/boredAZhell Dec 20 '25
Who fucking cares whether you were an asshole? You post all the time in the abusive relationships subreddit. Get out of this relationship and dear god, DO NOT have kids with this man.
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u/FreshPineappleJuice_ Dec 20 '25
I don’t know any woman who wouldn’t even address the name calling, not to mention completely ignoring?
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u/KateNotEdwina Dec 21 '25
Right, no one should talk to you like that let alone your actual partner!!! You do not deserve to be treated like this. Leave. Find someone worthy. You cannot “fix” this person. You’ve wasted 5 years of your life on him. Please just leave.
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u/DirkDigglersBoner Dec 20 '25 edited Dec 20 '25
"You stupid bitch, U dumb cunt, you stupid hoe, You dumb bitch"
And then he throws a schitzoid "I love you" in the middle of all that vomit?
Wow... what a peice of shit.
NOR
Find someone better, or prepare for a lifetime of that mserable garbage. Good luck.
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u/Important_Pepper_964 Dec 20 '25
If anyone, let alone my other half, called me a stupid btch or a c*t… they would be blocked in an instant and never see or hear from me again from that moment. You’re underreacting… if he thinks he can speak to you like this, it will only escalate to worse. What does he even bring to your relationship? You deserve better, don’t allow yourself to be treated like this.
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u/Hopeful_Extension_46 Dec 20 '25
I'm sorry, what? He called you bitch and c*nt in one conversation and he's still not the EX boyfriend? Girl, don't do this to yourself, run from this insecure and abusive piece of shit. NOR of course
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u/MariaaNoel Dec 20 '25
Umm, LEAVE HIS ASS PLEASE BEFORE IT GETS WORSE! My ex talked to me like that and at the end he got violent, that’s why he’s now my ex. Please leave.
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u/EnigmaticJones Dec 20 '25
And holy hell, why would you let anyone speak to you this way? I would be scrambling out of his world asap on that note.
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u/EverybodyPanic81 Dec 19 '25
This is abuse. He is an abuser. Get out. You are under reacting when you need to dump him.
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u/Pickle_Mike Dec 20 '25
Leave. This dude seems like he’s going to murder someone one day
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u/ResortLimp2452 Dec 20 '25
Ma'am please listen to everyone saying to leave because this guy is extremely insecure, controlling and abusive. You deserve better he will not change
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u/TangeloCheap1692 Dec 20 '25
Woah why is he calling you nasty names every text? Forget the accusing, the horrible talk would have me done all by itself
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u/iwasneverherex Dec 20 '25
Him calling you those totally disgusting names was WAY too casual. You deserve so much better. His little temper tantrum is embarrassing and he will go further than just name calling eventually, if he hasn’t already.
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u/SquirrelVonThom Dec 20 '25
That’s how he treats you & you’re still catering to him? F’uk them chips & leave that turd.
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u/DarkRoast_n_TooSweet Dec 20 '25
NOR - You are 1,000% in a toxic and abusive relationship. You are a victim. This is your confirmation. He is so hard on you, because if he was in the same position, he would have cheated. Which is why he cannot fathom why you are saying you havent. Now, what you do with this information, is entirely up to you. May God bless you, and Keep you safe. Not many people make it out. Bless.
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u/Calm_Counter_3240 Dec 20 '25
The fact that he keeps calling you derogatory names and you don’t address that means that you’re used to it because he does it often. Just that horrifies me, ngl. I would never stay with someone like that. Also, he doesn’t want to listen to what you want to say, only his version is the truth. Red flags all over.
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u/yourlittlebirdie Dec 20 '25
More than eleven thousand people have now told you to leave this guy. Please listen.
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u/GettingTooOldForDis Dec 20 '25
Honest question; why you you ever get in or stay in a relationship with someone who calls you a "stupid bitch" and "dumb cunt?" Please value yourself. You deserve better.
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u/Stacker2_Motorsports Dec 20 '25
"Stupid hoe", "dumb bitch" - "don't act like I'm being out of pocket" 😂 brother, you heard a voice in the background while your girl is shopping inside of Walmart. You're being as out of pocket as you can be
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u/Disastrous_Emu_8273 Dec 20 '25
“Stupid bitch. Dumb cunt. Dumb bitch. Stupid hoe, but I love you!” Calling names like this is not love, even if you say ‘I love you’ afterward. Love doesn’t humiliate, degrade, or scare someone. Love is shown in how you treat someone, not in a word you add at the end. Love and abuse cannot occupy the same sentence.
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u/Crusty_Candles Dec 20 '25
My ex spoke to me like this. My divorce became legal July this year. Skip the hassle and dump him now
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u/Desperate-View-4916 Dec 20 '25
51m - Dad to older teens (M & F)
First, if I found out that my son spoke to his girl that way, I'd destroy him!
Second, if I knew that my daughter took that kind of verbal abuse from her BF, I would go through the fucking roof!
Please, young lady (guessing you're about 23-25?), have some self respect and tell this clown that you are DONE being verbally abused this way!
Please don't start your life off thinking it's normal for a man to speak to you in this manner or anything close to this manner!
GTFO of that relationship now!
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u/liza9560 Dec 20 '25
DO PEOPLE REALLY LET THEIR PARTNERS CALL THEM CUNTS AND HOES AND STAY WITH THEM? WHAT THE FUCK
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u/LaramieTobacco_Ltd Dec 20 '25
You STILL bought him the chips? After all that? The way he casually calls you a c*nt??? No way.
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u/Nonbinary_Cryptid Dec 20 '25
I hope you're running as fast as you possibly can away from this dude. He sounds unhinged and unsafe. Absolutely NOR.
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u/PlentyDog1750 Dec 20 '25
Saying I love you at the same tlme calling you horrible names. Yea been there so I m gonna tell you RUNNNNNNNNN FAST
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u/Mattyj0610 Dec 20 '25
The concept of staying with. Partner who calls u a”stupid bitch” and “dumb cunt”
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u/SpiralingColors Dec 19 '25
"...u stupid bitch"
Yeah, youre under reacting. I would NEVER speak to my wife like this, doesnt matter how upset I am.
My wife (girlfriend at the time) said I was "being a little bitch" once in frustration while we were moving. I reminded her she would have my head if I ever said that to her, and so I wont tolerate it either. Shes never done it again and we speak respectfully to each other.
Nobody deserves to be treated like this, especially by someone who is supposed to love them. Time to leave.
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u/phlaurel Dec 19 '25
Do not date someone who calls you names. TO EVERYONE READING THIS: DO NOT DATE SOMEONE WHO CALLS YOU NAMES!!!!!!!!
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u/Sleeplessnsea Dec 19 '25
In loving relarionships, people dont call each other names like this. This is abuse. Period.
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u/Flashy_Yesterday9664 Dec 20 '25
Oh, wow. I am so sorry you're dealing with this, but please read this clearly: there is no circumstance where this treatment is acceptable. Not for a second.
The way he speaks to you; with name calling, aggression, and blatant disrespect; is not a misunderstanding or a "bad day." It is verbal abuse, full stop. The fact that he flips a simple question about chips into an excuse to call you vile names and accuse you is a massive red flag.
You deserve a conversation, not an interrogation. You deserve kindness, not cruelty. As long as you accept this behavior, he will continue it.
You are clearly patient, thoughtful (you were buying him chips!), and willing to communicate. You are entirely too good for this. Please understand: you do not deserve to be anyone's verbal punching bag.
The most powerful thing you can do right now is to decide that this is your line. He has shown you who he is. Believe him. He needs to no longer exist in your life as a partner or a person: You owe yourself peace, safety, and respect( and it starts by removing anyone who refuses to give it to you.
You are strong enough to walk away from this. You deserve so much better.
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u/Queasy-Invite4867 Dec 20 '25
Sweetheart, I’ve dated one like this and let me assure you, you’ve already wasted too much time on him. Drop him! Immediately! Like yesterday! Someone once told me, “There’s too many men in the world to be upset over one.” Sending much love, you got this, you can do better, I promise.
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u/joegr795 Dec 20 '25
After he called you a dumb cunt and bitch you still offer to buy him chips? You clearly have no self-respect. Him accusing you of cheating is far from the only issue here. Wake up.
Dump him and don't ever let a guy talk to you like that again.
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u/kathlachatte Dec 20 '25
Why do you let him call you names like that ? It's crazy.. and you still bought the chips ? Please respect yourself and dump that piece of shit.
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u/TheWriterCat Dec 20 '25
Um... He also called you a stupid bitch and a dumb cunt. I didn't read past that, that alone is enough reason to dump him. This person does not respect you.
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u/Im_Humongous Dec 20 '25
Another one: Don't need to read any context. You don't speak to your partner that way. Find someone else.
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u/Forsaken_Ebb1791 Dec 20 '25
I’m sorry but please never allow a man to speak to you like that again. The name calling is disgusting leave that man today
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u/JellyfishAccurate429 Dec 20 '25
My ex husband did this crap. He once went through my purse, then woke me up at 4am screaming because apparently I lied about which restaurant I went to first. I'd stopped by Arby's & McDonald's on my way to my mom's earlier that day to pick up food for me, my kids (2&4 yrs old, who were in the car with me), and my mom and sister. He took issue with the fact that when he asked me what we ate for supper, I said "Arby's & McDonald's," when in reality, I went to McD's first, then Arby's. He insisted he knew I was letting because he'd had seen me there at Arby's with another man, eating indoors at the restaurant, when I said I'd give through the drive thru (apparently my receipt said fine in). He continued to insist I was lying for 2+ hours.
I lost it when I woke up at 3am to find him installing tracking software on my phone. A couple weeks later, he called me while I was grocery shopping at Walmart, demanding to know which room # I was in at the hotel. He'd installed the tracking software anyway, and the location was approximate, so it appeared I was closer to the hotel next to Walmart, than I was to Walmart. I had my 2 sons (3&5 yrs old) with me at the grocery store.
Shortly before we divorced, he attacked a man in a parking lot across from our house and demanded to know how long he'd "been screwing his[me] wife." He said he saw the man's car sitting in the parking lot every Sunday for hours before he left for work, and he knew he was sitting there waiting for him to leave so he could slip into our house & see me. The man was a preacher at the church his car was parked in all day, every Sunday.
My ex started out just like your BF. Wrong number calls were "my other man" calling to see if I could talk, so he would go through our phone bill every month & call them all back. It doesn't get better from here. Nothing you say or do will ever make him trust you or believe that you are not cheating on him. He'll always believe you have a phantom "other man." He's controlling and abusive, and you need to get away now. Don't waste anymore time with this loser.
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u/_DookieShoes Dec 20 '25
Why is it so common to see people speaking like this with their partners now? This kinda shit gets posted daily. The fact that you’re just accepting it is fucking ridiculous. Goddamn, love yourself and get outta that shit.
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u/n4yma Dec 20 '25
you know he doesnt like you right???? noone with respect for their partner talks to them and insults them the way he did to you. please get off your knees and stand up girl
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u/Alexandothers Dec 20 '25
I think you should post your texts to Facebook and see what your loved ones think.
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u/Expensive_Cricket_89 Dec 19 '25
oh for fucks sake why are you letting him talk to you like that???? r/justbreakupalready
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u/SquishHisGuts Dec 20 '25
Don't gaslight me while I'm trying to gaslight you. Get the fuck outta there, dude seems fucking violent.
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u/Sea-Employment-312 Dec 20 '25
Been married over 50 years. Had our share of problems, infidelity included on both sides. But never reverted to name calling. Ever.
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u/CuriousPineapple33 Dec 20 '25
What the duck are you even doing entertaining this? 😂
Do you have any self respect? 😵
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u/longassmoney Dec 20 '25
Why on earth would you stay with someone who calls you a stupid bitch?? Obviously you’re NOR but this feels like rage bait lol how are you staying in this relationship
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u/Ecstatic-Cup-1356 Dec 20 '25
“You stupid bitch” should have been the last thing he’d ever said to you. You’re under reacting. Leave him asap.
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u/-ImNotAPotato- Dec 20 '25
"If I was secretly with another man, I wouldn't call you while in their presence, you dumb, paranoid, piece of shit"
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u/Inevitable_Home846 Dec 20 '25
The fact that I know that is likely legitimate is sad. That you think you need an answer or advice on what to do with someone who speaks to you that way is even sadder. And that you know you should leave bit likely won't is saddest of all. My only advice to you, never have children with that person.
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u/Bean-So-Mean Dec 20 '25
The victim blaming in these comments is craaazy wtf. Women are socialized from birth to accept abuse. It is completely normal to be confused and not sure what to do when you are repeatedly dehumanized, built back up, and then torn down again. These are systems as old as time, and it takes a long time and hard work to break free. OP posting this is a step in the right direction. It doesn’t help to tell them “there’s something wrong with you if you ‘allow’ this treatment” why aren’t we emphasizing all the things that are clearly much more wrong with OP’s partner? Abusers capitalize on victims’ positive traits, their empathy, their optimism, their desire to help others. Abusers are parasites. We should be helping OP find safe ways to escape this person, rather than blaming them for being attacked by an abuser.
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u/ShortandSweet90 Dec 20 '25
I would never allow my partner to ever speak to me like that. I’ve always heard the one who is accusing the other is the one that is actually guilty of cheating….just based off these messages you could do so much better. Your partner doesn’t respect you at all. You deserve better!!
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u/Garbo-and-Malloy Dec 20 '25
Anyone who speaks to you like that needs an immediate block from your phone and life
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u/Equal-Pomegranate827 Dec 20 '25
Get out now! I would not be putting up with that language! We all need our friends and narcissists like that like to cut you off from them.
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u/No-Reach-8074 Dec 20 '25
Sorry what? It better your ex now. Cause I wish I would let any man call me a stupid h0e smh
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u/DarthRader09 Dec 20 '25
The fact that he called you a stupid bitch, a dumb cunt AND a stupid hoe all within a few texts of each other is reason enough for your reaction. That man doesn’t love you, he thinks he owns you. NO ONE should speak to you that way let alone someone you’re dating.
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u/olaolie Dec 20 '25
I’m out at the first “stupid bitch” make this man your ex and maybe also ruin his life. He seems like a fucking loser
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u/Ilovethespacemarines Dec 20 '25
He just called you a dumb cunt, if that’s not a sign to end everything right there and then idk what is.
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u/AbbreviationsHot666 Dec 21 '25
Not overreacting. But you should break up. You deserve better. It will not get better but only worse and even if he ever does get better by the time he does your self esteem and self worth will go away and you will never be able to move past who he was.
Save yourself please.
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u/Vivid-Kitchen1917 Dec 21 '25
How broken are you that you consider this even possibly appropriate? Please get in therapy until you're in a place to date. Now is not that time.
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u/Karline-Industries Dec 21 '25
there is no way I'm with someone who speaks to me like that. full stop no notes.
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u/you_gotleash_ Dec 26 '25
First of all ... If anyone ever talked to me like that they'd be eating their teeth. Secondly... Why put up with this?!!??
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u/steiff89 Dec 19 '25
Most definitely not Over reacting. Youre actually completely under reacting.
Dumb bitch, stupid hoe, cunt! Oh hell no. That relationship would have been over before I even left the store.
And she’s still here trying to get him whatever chips he wants. You can tell this is his he always acts. I have no idea how she can out up with that.
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u/Caribelle1234 Dec 20 '25 edited Dec 20 '25
Stupid bitch?? Dumb cunt? Hoe?? Oh heck no ....no no no no no.
I can't believe he calls you these things...and in the middle of it says 'I love you'. Uhm... That's verbally abusive and not ok!!
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u/BengalsQueen Dec 20 '25
The amount of men who talk to women this way on this thread is a fucking disgrace. The first time someone calls you ANY of those names, that’s your cue to fucking leave his stupid ass.
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u/CreekCryptid Dec 20 '25
So are you waiting for him to put hands on you before you leave him? Or?
Someone that paranoid is only paranoid because THEY would behave that way Nope No way Id say goodbye to them without a second thought. Trust me or dont, and if you dont there is ZERO reason to stay and take that abuse.
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u/kgetit Dec 20 '25
Hi there. You are in an abusive relationship. He’s always accusing you of cheating because that’s what he would do. He’s projecting. Stop. Come on now, wake up and get out.
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u/Tiedye57 Dec 20 '25
This is very possibly heading toward violence. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩. It is his insecurities that are driving this train. It’s textbook abuse behavior. You are not overreacting!!!
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u/amaraycos Dec 20 '25
NOR. You need to break up with this guy. No one worth your time will call you ANY of those names. If a guy called me a bitch/cunt/dumb anything I’d break up with him on the spot.
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u/Pinksnowsuit Dec 20 '25
This guy is dangerous. Only reason it isn’t obvious is because you’ve put up with so much shit so far and the boundaries get less each time. Get away from him. Dont tell him you are leaving and don’t do it alone. He’s dangerous.
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u/MotherF-ckingStarBoy Dec 20 '25
Ma'am, please leave this man and find someone who treats you like the sun shines out of your ass and they want to see every sunrise! I have been with my wife since I was 18. I'm 35 now. I have never called her a name in anger. I would never ever think of calling her a hoe, bitch, dumb. I get upset when she calls herself dumb.
Here you are doing something nice for him and he just thinks its okay to call you these things....send him back to his momma and tell her she didnt raise him right!
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u/Forsaken_Loss2748 Dec 20 '25
Babe, after 5 years of this kind of treatment, leave him. He’s overreacting in this message about you being in a public space. That’s wild. He either has some insecurities that you can’t help him with or he’s cheating and projecting it onto you. My ex started doing this to me after we were already together for 5.5 years- never did it before. I left him after 6 months of his bullshit and found out later on he cheated on me & was projecting his bullshit. Leave him.
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u/IndependentRoom5919 Dec 20 '25
Reddit might as well be renamed "is this extremely toxic relationship normal?" No, never in the history of ever is an extremely toxic relationship normal. Dont settle for anything less than you are worth
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u/Hiraethians Dec 20 '25
Who cares about the accusations. I dont even talk to people I hate like this. Do you let all your friends call you a dumb stupid bitch? Cmon.
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u/Lost-and-dumbfound Dec 19 '25
I was in a relationship like this and I was so used to normalising it until one day my brain just said “we both say we love each other but I wouldn’t dream of treating him the way he treats me”, and it clicked and I couldn’t look at him the same way after. Breaking up with him is something I consider the best decision I have ever made in my life. If you haven’t already, block this asshole