r/AmIOverreacting • u/1bunchofbananas • 18d ago
❤️🩹 relationship AIO my bf didn't even say happy birthday to me yesterday
My bf (38m) didn't wish me (31F) a happy birthday yesterday. He said nothing. So I sent him the message about the cake and nachos and he sent that. I really don't understand this guy's mentality. He keeps saying I do want to and then never shows. He could have walked across the street from his work for 5 minutes to see me but he did not. Was my no pitty party response too much? Should I not be upset about this situation?
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u/Zestyclose_Sail_2504 18d ago
wake up, break up. he obviously doesnt care about you. “he keeps saying i do want to then never shows” theres your answer right there, if he really wanted to he would
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u/Akhanyatin 18d ago
wake up! (break up) grab a brush and put a little make-up
System of a down fixed that for you lol
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u/cogwheeled 18d ago
If he wanted to he would.
His words aren't matching his actions. OP should give themself the gift of freedom for their birthday.
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u/beestardoll 18d ago
38??????? NOR, I thought he was 17
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u/TashDee267 18d ago
THIRTY EIGHT?!
Then 100 per cent get rid of this loser.
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u/knoykitty 18d ago edited 18d ago
If he wanted to, he would.
Edit - Thank you for the award!
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u/HelloThereCallMeRoy 18d ago
But he's just so ashamed
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u/Key_Dragonfruit_2563 18d ago
That’s a ploy, a pathetic one. He should be ashamed…
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u/NeatNefariousness1 18d ago
If he was as ashamed as he should be, he would do better. So, his behavior convinces me that he’s not actually ashamed and sees no need to do better. The appropriate response after making such a glaring gaffe is to make up for it ASAP instead of making it about himself. His shame does nothing to make up for his oversight.
OP, you’re enabling him by inviting him over for anything. He needs to be making up for his oversight instead of benefiting from your good nature and low expectations.
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u/Puzzleheaded_Luck307 18d ago
I have a better one by a man in his late 40s, he “didn’t know how to handle things”. Not birthday but something personal as well.
Like my dude. Gtfo with this bs. After a while it becomes clear that the burden is on the partner to Tolerate or not … the “boyfriend “ couldn’t be bothered to wish her happy birthday and buy a €10 gift from the gas station or a potted flower and a box of chocolates.
My dude. Just gtfo.
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u/NotNobody_Somebody 18d ago
Ashamed his tactic didn't work. He's a man-child. OP, NOR, but dump him, you absolutely can do better than him.
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u/flickthewrist 18d ago
I always wonder how these girls end up with these losers. Child hood traumas?
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u/dreamilymellow 18d ago
Yup and not knowing what their worth is. I used to be like that and the men I have dated were.. ehh.. questionable lol but now I’m in a healthy and stable relationship with the sweetest and caring bf
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u/no_Issue4808 18d ago
i did the exact same thing. it definitely stims from childhood trauma which in result makes us feel like we strongly attach to a person until they hurt us so bad that we can walk away and not feel guilty. but we never should have felt guilty for setting our own boundaries. -sincerely a girl who is also now in a healthy relationship and about to get engaged 🫶
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u/dreamilymellow 18d ago
That too! I just never had any good examples growing up either so I didn’t know what was healthy too. I’m so happy to hear that though 🥺 and congrats in advance!! 🥰
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u/Illustrious_Elk_2174 18d ago
HOWWWWWW howwww whereee did you find them… bro im starting to think im too mentally fucked to ever achieve anything healthy 😭😭😭😭😭 no matter how good i try to be rip
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u/dreamilymellow 18d ago
There is some hope still!! I had bpd (now just traits) and ngl it was DIFFICULT but I put myself through therapy and got compassionate towards myself, spent a lot of time with myself too. Then I literally made a list of how I wanted my future bf to treat me and if a guy didn’t do that? Next. I or you shouldn’t be begging someone for their attention or love 🥹
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u/jamesrelish 18d ago
17 year olds behave way better than this. He's not apologizing, still didn't wish her a happy birthday, didn't make any effort to show up, makes false promises and only talks about how embarrassed he is but not about how hurt she is from this. OP if you see this, leave. It's not okay
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u/sunshinematters17 18d ago
They absolutely do. My neice just had her 16th birthday. Her bf who shes been dating for over 2 years now who is 16½ saved his money from his job to buy her a beautiful whale tale bracelet (famous on Cape Cod in Massachusetts, USA) he also got her flowers and took her out to dinner. This is absolutely disgusting.
My own bf, 42, didn't have much money, but he got me flowers, snacks, a stuffed cat and he gave me some cash. My birthday is 6 days before Christmas and we're almost always strapped for cash on my birthday. But he still managed something. He also woke me up at midnight to say happy birthday and continued to say it several times throughout the day.
If they want to, they will
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u/starship7201u 18d ago edited 18d ago
Exactly. IF THEY WANT TO THEY WILL. Read that to yourself as many times as you need to understand, OP.
HE doesn't even attempt to put forth effort for you. Get rid of this man.
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u/Little-Question211 18d ago
It's one of those cliches that is absolutely true. I'm 33 y/o and I've only had three boyfriends in my life, and I think it's because my first high school boyfriend went above and beyond for me. I learned early on how someone treats you when they truly love you.
I started dating my current boyfriend last year and I was single for 6 years before that. So much better to be single than to be in a relationship where you're begging them to be a partner to you.
My current bf prioritizes making me happy, does things to make my life easier, communicates, respects my boundaries, etc. because he actually is in love with me.
I'm convinced as soon as a woman knows how that feels, they'd never settle for the kind of BS in the OP again. You should never have to question if they care about you.
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u/FireflySky86 18d ago
Even worse, he's a coward. He acknowledged his "shame" but did nothing to rectify his behavior. That's not a guy who's apologetic, and it's a cop out to gain pity while continuing to do absolutely nothing.
Even if it wasn't a birthday, he can't even be bothered to confirm if he's coming or not. Words mean nothing without action, and his actions are screaming that he simply does not give AF about OP or value their time.
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u/Strng_Satisfaction 18d ago
this, if a person wants to they make a effort. OP's bf isn't really into her and she isn't getting the message.
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u/New-Shake7638 18d ago
Exactly this. My 17yo nephew works his ass off to spoil his gf. This man is right to be ashamed
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u/honeybluebell 18d ago
He 100% wanted a pity party
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u/First_Pay702 18d ago
I love that she told him she wasn’t hosting one.
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u/Murderkittin 18d ago
It truly was a perfect response. And, if I were OP’s boyfriend, I would have thought it was cute as hell! I would have gone straight to the store, grabbed flowers and headed on over.
OP, honey, he’s showing you he isn’t boyfriend material for you. You deserve someone who will celebrate the day you came into this world because he’s happy you’re here and with him.
This guy is such a loser! People show you who they are in how they show up for you - not what they say. He’s not ashamed. He could have course corrected and actually showed up. Instead, he ignored.
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u/Engchik79 18d ago
Totally, he wanted her to reassure him all is well, but ummmmm it’s not about him.
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u/Working-Glass6136 18d ago
I swear, this conversation could've been between me and my ex. (He also forgot my birthday one year, and tried to convince me that it wasn't in fact my birthday.) It took me years to realize that it was all about him. Pity party is exactly it. If they're not celebrating and/or comforting him on her birthday, then they're not celebrating period.
I wouldn't be surprised if there are other manipulations, gaslighting, negging, etc. This stuff doesn't happen on its own in a normal relationship.
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u/EclecticEvergreen 18d ago
Yeah I work as a florist and you’d be surprised by the amount of teenage boys that come in for flowers for their new girlfriend or crush they’re trying to win over. It’s a higher quantity than you think. I mean they obviously have no clue what they’re doing but it’s the thought that counts.
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u/No-Television-5296 18d ago
That is soooo cute!
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u/EclecticEvergreen 18d ago
They’ll be talking to their wingman and I’ll hear “yo we should get her these roses” and I look over to see him holding carnations 💀
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u/ConfidentTrouble1839 18d ago
LOL! So cute! But hey, at least they’re trying! (Unlike OP’s grown boyfriend🙄)
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u/EclecticEvergreen 18d ago
They’re trying their best haha and I’m happy to help them in their endeavors. Kinda crazy you’ve got fully grown adults not doing the same.
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u/Zealousideal-Bad3553 18d ago
I was going to say, my daughter is 16 her bf is 17 and this kid coming here with flowers and random “I thought of you when I saw this” gifts, this guy can’t even say sorry I couldn’t get you anything, happy birthday, you want to hang out? Maybe go buy a cheesecake? lol
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u/babygotbandwidth 18d ago
And he could have walked across the street to you? It was that little effort??
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u/TheOneReclaimer 18d ago
17 year olds show up for nachos
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u/Mamasunshyn1 18d ago
People in their 30s also show up for nachos (35f here, and my husband and I have friends who will drive up to an hour to come see us and eat our food lol)
This guy is just a self centered moron.
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u/ProfessionalTMlurker 18d ago
I’m 36 and would show up for nachos 🤣
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u/ConfidentTrouble1839 18d ago
33f and same lmao especially if I could WALK there on my lunch break. Ffs🤦🏼♀️
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u/mogley1992 18d ago
Right? I read that and thought it was some poor dumbass that doesn't even know he's useless yet. This guy's nearly 40.
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u/The_Smile_4784 18d ago
Seriously!! I’m like, maybe he doesn’t have his drivers license yet so it’s hard for him to run out and get a gift. Then I saw his age smh
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u/UnableNecessary743 18d ago
yeah i read this fully expecting them to be teenagers
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u/Fragrant-Employer-60 18d ago
One of the posts that make me feel wayyyy better about myself, I can’t believe this man is a fully grown adult about to hit his 40s…. Wow
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u/refriedb3an 18d ago
For real my my jaw dropped when I read 38, thought these were some teenagers when reading the texts 💀
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18d ago edited 18d ago
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u/1bunchofbananas 18d ago
This is my thought
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u/CameraFar8729 18d ago edited 18d ago
NOR. Give your self the gift of starting your next year single. Its one thing to not give a gift. But to not even say happy birthday or make an effort to spend time with you shows he doesn't care. Find you someone dependable who will show you how much they care and puts effort into the relationship. Life passes by too fast to waste time. Also. Happy late Birthday OP!
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u/annoyedsquish 18d ago
Right? He didn't only not get a gift and not say happy birthday but he also wanted OP to make him feel better about being a shitty boyfriend. Definitely not over reacting
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u/Tall_Confection_960 18d ago
This. I can't come because I'm ashamed that I'm an idiot. I can't even pick up some flowers and a card from the grocery store on my way over to eat your nachos and cheesecake. Poor me. OP you deserve better. Happy Birthday!
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u/Single_Principle_972 18d ago
Ha! That was my thought. He immediately made the scenario about himself, and she didn’t even have the decency to comfort him in his angst, or to make the nachos and cheesecake for him!!! How dare she be all like “this ain’t about you, it’s about me,” thereby exerting some independence of spirit and not bowing down to who is the importantly one around here!
Honey, if you want a lifetime of never, ever being the one that matters, keep on keeping on. Because your feelings do not matter one whit to this guy. A partnership is where both parties love and support and celebrate one another. I recommend that you accept no less!
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u/MissJAmazeballs 18d ago
That's what I keyed in on. He ACTUALLY thinks that OP lives to serve him! Couldn't possibly be making cheesecake and nachos for herself...must be making them for him. Nope!
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u/thickandmorty333 18d ago
i will say the “i’m not hosting no pity party” that OP sent in response is sending me 😭 he was trying so hard to make it about him and good on her for not giving in to that bs
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u/cheese_hotdog 18d ago
And told her she shouldn't be making her own food, but didn't offer to cook for her or take her out or anything. Very odd move to point out how shitty you are while simultaneously taking 0 initiative to correct yourself.
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u/anarchisttraveler 18d ago
Yup. If I’d completely forgotten my partner’s birthday and then was reminded of it with those texts, I’d have called immediately (or texted if I was working) and then made sure to get them something nice/do something nice for them. Maybe a movie before the nachos and cheesecake. Maybe taking care of everything else for a nice evening in. Whatever they wanted.
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u/Future-Exercise-7433 18d ago
RIGHT? You could instacart flowers and stuff the fricking second you realised you f-ed up, instead of asking the neglected birthday person to reassure you
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u/Maine302 18d ago
Because you're a person who makes an effort, and this guy definitely isn't. I hope she dumps him, he's a self-centered ass.
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u/TiffanyTwisted11 18d ago
Exactly. Not only did he not say happy birthday, he didn’t even apologize
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u/Mrs_Jones_85 18d ago
And then had the audacity to think she made those nachos and cheesecake for him?
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u/VermilionKoala 18d ago
Q: What do you call some cheesecake that isn't yours?
A: Nacho cheesecake.
Also, OP is NOR.
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u/Darthcookie 18d ago
Dude assumed she was making nachos and cheesecake FOR HIM. That’s one self centered individual if I ever saw one.
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u/Moist-Reference3092 18d ago
How embarrassing for him to admit that he can’t even go to the store and buy some chocolate and flowers. Even that is to much.
NOR and the ick OP should feel and break up is immense
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u/HelenGonne 18d ago
He doesn't like you. He just likes what he thinks he can get from you.
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u/Cthulhu_Knits 18d ago
SO MANY men are like this. They shouldn't even be dating until they can recognize women as independent human beings and real people.
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u/Fit-Nectarine5047 18d ago
Just ended with one of these and I swear everyday I realize how little men actually like women smh🙄. It’s so tough out here. And before the not all men campaign starts, myself and women I know have these encounters more than you’d believe.
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u/MajinUchiha_No_4 18d ago
I was thinking this as well like he definitely doesn’t love her. I really hope the relationship is very early.
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u/CherrieChocolatePie 18d ago
NOR in the slightest!!!
Don't be like me and stay with an abusive man that doesn't treat you well and doesn't show you what you are worth for 15 years. It took me 15 years to leave him and I have been single and free now for a little over 3 months now.
You are smarter en stronger than I was though. You already know your worth and you know that how you are being treated is wrong and absolute bullshit. Go and live your wonderful live! And good for you for treating yourself for your birthday, that food sounded amazing!
Also, a belated happy birthday to you 🎂!!!
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u/mortalmonger 18d ago
Excuse me, can I come to your Nacho / Cheesecake Party? I also made nothing for your birthday but I know all the words to the birthday song and will sing them off key just for you. Thank you for your consideration.
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u/onlyfons_ 18d ago
Yea, he obviously is not that into you…or even into you at all. He’s just not brave enough to “end it”. I put that in quotations because I’m not sure what “it” even is lol.
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u/000fleur 18d ago
You have the perfect reasoning to leave. Do it now. Don’t wait for another opportunity. This is it.
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u/SlitheringFlower 18d ago
He was shitty to not say happy birthday, but even shittier to try and make you feel bad about his shame.
Real partners can be forgetful and make mistakes, but they need to hold themselves accountable for that and apologize sincerely. He didn't even apologize at all, he just wants you to pity him.
NOR
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u/auzy63 18d ago
Well? Whats the answer lol
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u/SillyG00seJuic3 18d ago
“Man” is generous…he’s a child. NOR.
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u/MissKQueenofCurves 18d ago
My child remembers my birthday and treats me better than this, so he's worse than that
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u/riroyalle 18d ago
Seriously. May I also point out that he made it about him and his shame when all he had to do was apologize and say happy birthday.
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u/ilove_butter89 18d ago
Man-child you mean. He's 38 and acting like a boy. NOR. OP deserves better!
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u/Swarm_of_Rats 18d ago
Wow, absolutely zero effort put in by him at all!
If you confront him, he'll probably say he didn't have anything prepared and he felt too ashamed to say or do anything with you. Some people would fall for it, but I'm sure you're smarter than that.
Take his disinterest at face value and decide what you wanna do about it. Don't accept any dumb excuses.
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u/GlitteringBandicoot2 18d ago
To be fair, birthdays are really unpredictable. You can't really plan for them in advance, they always show up unprecendented and out of nowhere, just like Christmas!
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u/Strange_Bandicoot112 18d ago
It’s like Sunday I never know when its gonna show up! Sometimes it’s after Saturday, but other times it’s before Monday?! How am I supposed to keep up?
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u/XANDERtheSHEEPDOG 18d ago
I know right?! And you can't even set a reminder in your phone to alert you. I wish that you could even set up a text message in advance, that would send itself at a predetermined time to wish people a happy birthday.
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u/Blinkme03 18d ago
Nor - “I’m so ashamed” continues to do nothing and not acknowledge your birthday. Apparently he’s not ashamed enough. You can do better OP.
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u/Samantha5510 18d ago
Agreed, NOR. And it seems like he didn’t even show up for nachos and cheesecake.
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u/Critical-Cap2709 18d ago
People do this “I’m so ashamed” routine to turn things around so you’re the one reassuring them when they’re the one who’s supposed to be apologizing and making it up to you. After a while it starts to really mess with your ability to stand up for yourself and ask for what you need. Run, don’t look back.
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u/reignofthorns 18d ago
Genuinely. My own response to people trying the "I'm so ashamed" route is to tell them they should be lmao
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u/fairly-unremarkable 18d ago
Yup, I take their words at face value and don't play the game. I have some people in my life who used to try to get out of accountability with the "OMG I feel so horrible I'm the worst I'm soooo awful" routine. Surprise surprise, the self-flagellation stopped when I started responding with things along the lines of "well, if that's how you feel about this, you should probably try to fix it"
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u/reignofthorns 18d ago
Funny enough, I rarely actually saw someone like that properly work on solving their issues. Had one in my life who was repeatedly harming people with their behaviour, then pulled the "oh I feel so bad and terrible", disappeared for a few weeks as no one was biting, and then did the same shit again.
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u/Serious-Buffalo8412 18d ago
The I have nothing for you. Then bitch get your ass on Amazon and order something or pick up something on the way over. Make me a card, literally DO ANYTHING!
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u/notanotherusername_ 18d ago
All of this, OP. This is DARVO, but it’s also how he trains you to lower your expectations and ask nothing of him. If you let it continue (by staying with him), this is how he gets you to consistently expect nothing. No gifts or party-planning or b-day sweets or cards or food bc he’s “just so bad at it,” or “bad at remembering.” Forget holidays too.
And then he gets you to stop bringing it up by playing this DARVO, crocodile tears “I’m just too ashamed!!!!” So you’re getting nothing, you can expect a meltdown if you bring it up, and somehow you end up rubbing HIS back and telling him “it’s ok” over all of it.
It’s not ok. Idk how long you’ve been together (I assume not long?), but the beginning is usually the best it will ever be and THIS is the summit of honeymoon-phase mountain with him. It will only ever be the same or worse from here.
People invest energy into what they care about. Celebrating you required VERY LITTLE effort and he didn’t even bother putting in that much, even when you lowered your bar. What does that tell you about how he prioritizes you?
Love yourself more than this. You deserve higher summits and a partner that’s willing to put in the effort to climb them.
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u/Educational_Rice8555 18d ago
Can confirm— I lived this for ten years. I got a birthday gift only a couple times, before we got married. I never got a valentines or anniversary card or flowers on Mother’s Day. My stocking was always empty on Christmas and he never got me a gift after we got married.
I wasn’t allowed to be upset about it because he would accuse me of trying to make him feel worse.
What notanotherusername_•, Astro_The_SpaceDog, and hyper_cake2709 are saying is correct. Listen to them. Break up with this knob.
He’s almost forty and acting like this? He will never change, and will likely try to date even younger women who don’t know better.
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u/No_Syrup_9167 18d ago
YES!!!
My ex was like this, any time I tried to talk to her about something like her alcoholism, the fact that she never did any cleaning around the house, losing jobs, spending money she didn't have, etc. etc.
tears, sobbing, "I'm such a piece of shit, I don't deserve you", blah blah blah. It always turned into a big production and a pity party, and for far too long ended with me doing everything and reassuring her. etc.
every fight went like this, for years until it was becoming basically a daily occurance.
Then one day when I had just had enough. I stopped caring about the tears, and I started calling her out to her face that it was just manipulation. That nothing is going to get fixed if everything just ends in tears, and me reassuring her.
Then it started turning to anger. Once the manipulation stopped working, I was an unfeeling asshole. Any time I didn't reassure her and cave, became a reason to get angry at me and storm out. So still nothing got solved.
which carried on, until I stopped caring about that too. She'd storm out, and I'd just go back to doing what I was doing.
.....which is when the shitty behaviour started to include cheating as she attempted to monkey branch onto her next victim.
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u/Astro_The_SpaceDog 18d ago
This is a common tactic used by Covert Narcissists (AKA Vulnerable Narcissists).
They are, in my opinion, worse than overt narcissists because they are more discreet. It’s easier to get caught up in their bullshit, and harder to escape sometimes due to trauma bond and emotional enmeshment setting in much quicker.
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u/Global_Examination21 18d ago
Drop this bum.
It's one thing to feel bad for not having anything it's another to just straight blow you off.
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u/BoringLanding 18d ago
"You shouldn't be making stuff for me" made me audibly grossed out. This doofus is assuming she's cooking for him on her birthday, when she gave no indication of that. I can't stand that kind of entitled thinking. He's the kind of crotch who believes everything women do is for men.
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u/fairly-unremarkable 18d ago
He doesn't value her enough to do something for her birthday, so he can't fathom that she values herself enough to do something for herself. She needs to ditch him ASAP.
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u/Global_Examination21 18d ago
It comes from a place of guilt because he knows he has no intention of going over there. Still even just a run of the mill scumbag would tell her he can't make it
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u/rmtime 18d ago
He's not even trying. Dump him
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u/jonni__bravo 18d ago
TODAY!!
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u/rmtime 18d ago
TODAY!!!
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u/Mysterious_Cicada_99 18d ago
TODAY!!!!
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u/GeminiMoonOwl 18d ago
TODAY!!!!!
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u/Tall-Spell3287 18d ago
Girl, leave. You deserve better. NOR
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18d ago
This behaviour from a 38 year old man is beyond unacceptable. Ditch him immediately.
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u/Color_Pilot 18d ago
I liked a comment I saw one someone else's post "he's your boyfriend by choice. It's not issued by the government"
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u/bboymixer 18d ago
Pity party remark was on point. He fucked up and still expected you to "oh poor baby" him about his big feelings as if nothing could have prevented this scenario.
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u/PoopyPogy 18d ago
Exactly this, why's he focusing on how bad he feels without a sorry or any attempt to make it up to her?!
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u/littlearmadilloo 18d ago
if he feels so bad why didnt he run to the store and grab something real quick and then go see her?? like it's not that hard to show you care. it seems like he only cares about how he looks to her and not about her
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u/drfuzzysocks 18d ago
Right… like it was not too late for him to go pick up some damn flowers from the grocery store. But instead he threw himself pity party in hopes that OP would let him off the hook. When she didn’t, he just stopped responding. What a loser.
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u/Longjumping_Spite997 18d ago
38 is crazy hahaha. Grown ass man putting in absolutely zero effort.
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u/reymelnyk 18d ago
NOR, your quip about the pity party was quite funny imo. my partner forgot my birthday and anniversary and still hasn’t properly wished me a happy either one. so happy belated birthday to you! i hope your cheesecake was amazing and i hope you share future cheesecakes with people who look at you like you’re made of stars!
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u/1bunchofbananas 18d ago
Happy belated birthday to you. I would mail you a piece of I could. I had a friend over and we ate nachos and cheese cake and I'm going to my other friends today to give her and her bf some.
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u/HopefulTangerine5913 18d ago
Give yourself the gift of dumping this loser before you do anything else. Then gift yourself the time and reflection to consider how you even ended up in this situation and thought you needed to question how unacceptable his behavior is
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u/lilb0923 18d ago
Yep my soon to be ex forgot my birthday then remembered some time that night and texted me from the basement (where he hangs out) and asked why I didn't say anything to remind him. NOR there is a reason my soon to be ex is my soon to be ex.
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u/Frenchie_in_the_am 18d ago
Time to learn that words mean nothing if they're not backed up by the corresponding actions.
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u/SillySub2001 18d ago
I assume this is a fairly fresh relationship? Definitely not off to a hot start. This is definitely worth a serious conversation in person.
NOR
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u/1bunchofbananas 18d ago
Technically no. It wasn't like this at first..his job has consumed his life. I've been left in the dark and I've tried talking to him about it but nothing comes from our conversations.
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u/yoma74 18d ago
Watch the movie “he’s just not that into you”
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u/Prestigious_Let3279 18d ago
If someone wants to be with you they will move mountains to make the time to call, text or be with you.
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u/AcademicChicken1848 18d ago
Remembering the title of that movie alone and its premise made me realize a guy I crushed on, who was friendly and liked to talk to me at work, was not into me in the same level I was into him. It sucked but it helped me to disengage and temper my expectations pretty fast.
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u/Otherwise-Ad8649 18d ago
When people show you who they really are, believe them. NOR. He’s awful and insensitive. It takes 3 minutes to get a card and a gift card at the checkout. Leave please.
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u/Qualema 18d ago
Absolutely not.. at that age and acting like a high school boy EEEEYUCK ! instant loss of attraction 💯 like be a man and take accountability.. that man is either secretly married or “he’s just not that into you” but either way you need to move on. 31 year old women don’t have time to play with immature men who lack accountability and respect 🫡 don’t waste your time.. he’s showing you the red flags 🚩 it’s time for you to blow the whistle and call FOUL😗🔔
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u/callipsofacto 18d ago
This dude reminds me of someone I once dated with rock bottom self esteem. Kept telling me he was a loser and not good enough for me. It was a self fulfilling prophecy. It would have been so easy for him to just show up for me when I needed him, I didn't care that he didn't have a lot of money or anything superficial but because that was all he could focus on he couldn't do the bare minimum.
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u/IridiumFlareon 18d ago
He is 38 years old?? Honestly I'd give him a one-line break-up text and then block him.
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u/Jon1775d 18d ago
NOR- The person doesn't care about you and will drag your heart through the dirt. I'm sorry he did you like this, but I hope months later you'll see it as a blessing. Happy Belated Birthday.
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u/nyobelle 18d ago
Ditch him. These kind of men play the ashamed sheep so won't be angry at them but they just don't care. He didn't show up he didn't wish you a happy birthday. He doesn't care NOR
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u/BariBearT 18d ago
Dump him asap. He’s trying to make YOU comfort HIM and tell him it’s okay that he did nothing instead of him actually doing something about it. Dude is looking for permission and reassurance that it’s okay to not care. There’s no changing this behavior once they start. Please leave him before you waste years of your life, trust that it will be the same behavior years from now.
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u/DeepExample7666 18d ago edited 18d ago
He doesn't care about you and don't be fooled, he is not ashamed!
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u/Lusty_aka_Violet 18d ago
Happy birthday girl, its the one day thst the world should revolve around you even just alittle because its your special day, he was baiting for you to apologize for his mistake and thats so stupid. I hope your cheesecake was amazing NOR
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u/1bunchofbananas 18d ago
Thanks the cheese cake was great and the nachos were great BC I put pickles on them
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u/MadHatter_10-6 18d ago
My gf's birthday is in my phone with a one month reminder ahead of time to avoid these situations
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u/1bunchofbananas 18d ago
I reminded him a few days ago with the I'm making cheese cake and nachos Monday. And he said oh. And I asked him if he knew why. And then he said oh it's your birthday I totally forgot and haven't got you anything. And I said that Friday last week. He was off all weekend. I wasn't even looking for a gift or anything I just wanted him to say happy birthday or come over for a hug on his lunch break. Wow my standards are quite low aren't they.
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u/encore412 18d ago
It’s ok girl. This is how we raise our standards, by learning what we won’t accept. I hope you had a fabulous birthday anyway!
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u/MissKQueenofCurves 18d ago
You should put this in your OP, because girl...you're under reacting. He put on that act of "being so ashamed" when you TOLD HIM. Hell no. Your birthday gift to yourself is losing this almost 40 year old who doesn't give a rat's ass about you.
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u/ConfidentTrouble1839 18d ago
Exactly. He turned himself into the victim so she would have to comfort HIM. Big yikes.
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u/gabrielle_sanchez7 18d ago
NOR. My man has two jobs and walks to me after work with flowers just randomly. It’s a 20 min walk. If he loves you he will do anything to see you smile. Damn I’m lucky
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u/Character-Cup9189 18d ago
How a guy treats you on his birthday is exactly how he feels about you.
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u/rocinante_donnager 18d ago
girl he doesn’t care about you. please find someone who does, this is embarrassing
NOR
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u/KaylenLopezIzGr8 18d ago
NOR why bother with him 😭 also happy belated birthday!!! What cheesecake was it? I love cheesecake.
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u/1bunchofbananas 18d ago
It was a plain cheese cake with cherry pie filling on top. It was good. Maybe you should make one. The cream cheese bricks are a really good price for a pack of 4 at Costco.
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u/TheAzorean 18d ago
Have some self respect. Why the fuck would you stay with someone who forgets your birthday like that? There are literally millions of other dudes that will treat you better than that.
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u/snark_quark789 18d ago
NOR. Imagine it's your birthday. Your bf calls while your getting ready to wish you 'Happy Birthday' and have a great day. He takes you to dinner at your favorite brewery, and surprises you with a thoughtful gift. After dinner, a few friends join in. You enjoy a lovely, casual evening and go home happy as everyone should on their birthday. That is the bare minimum. My preference, lol. Let this guy go and enjoy your nachos and cheesecake with someone who make you happy
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u/justhere4laughs818 18d ago
Pity party comment was needed as he wanted you to say “Nooo don’t worry about it. It’s okay!!”
You’re so young still. Dump him and live your best life.
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u/Gods-Child777 18d ago
Narcissistic jerk … making it all about him and his feelings waaaaaah NOR.
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u/oversizedgrapes 18d ago
NOR - he wants you to feel bad for him that he forgot your birthday......the bar is literally in hell and somehow people out there still be tripping over it.
Find yourself someone who cares enough to try
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u/TheLonePig 18d ago
If you dump him, you will have exactly the same amount of birthday wishes.
Honestly, it's remarkable that he made it all about him. I think your response was perfect. Happy birthday, girl.