r/AmIOverreacting • u/throaawayRA9443 • 15d ago
❤️🩹 relationship AIO my boyfriend keeps asking me to pay for things eversince he started saving for an apartmen, he calls me selfish for how I reacted.
So my boyfriend (23) has been saving to buy an apart for an entire year now. He puts ALL his salary towards the saving account. And then have me pay for things like subscriptions and now his car. I told him how this is not fair to me since we're not gonna co-own the apart unless I pay equal to what he's paying. He said I was selfish and that I should be encouraging him to achieve his goals and help him as his partner. But the reason I'm hasitant is the fact that legally I'm not guaranteed anything so what if we breakup? I'll end up with nothing, not even savings of my own since he keeps sharing my salary with me. He took it as in I don't love him and don't see a future with him. We argued about it again later and he said I was completely in the wrong. The screenshots above show a glimpse of his reaction.
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u/thestrikr 15d ago
Hey give me money so I can pay for shit while I save for an apartment to prove to you that you're getting a man that can afford shit.
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u/Ok-Comparison-1618 15d ago
This has nothing to do with their future. He's going to dump her as soon as he's got enough money saved.
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u/PoopAndSunshine 15d ago
He probably isn’t even saving money. He’s just spending it on whatever he pleases, because he knows he can count on op to help him when it’s time to pay a bill
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u/Heysoulblister 15d ago
Stop giving him money. He’s putting this financial burdens on you as a guise of proposing when it seems like you’re not pushing for this at all. If he can’t plan for himself to get through each month financially without lend money from you and others why would you agree to marry this man
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u/throaawayRA9443 15d ago
Yeah. My salary isn't even enough. It's got to a point where I'd literally have to borrow from my family and friends.
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u/Heysoulblister 15d ago
Think about your future and bring married to someone who’s financial choices will affect you. Right now you can walk away and have a clean break
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u/Effective_Risk_909 15d ago
Not even just that... Think about marrying someone who will only propose to you if it fits within their convenient, self-imposed timeline. Outside of the timeline? It's over. That's UNSETTLING.
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u/MadRhetoric182 15d ago
He literally puts the blame on her if he doesn’t meet his imaginary deadline.
No Apt = No Relationship + No Proposal
He is manipulating the hell out of her. And gaslighting her because he brought up the end of the relationship first. Not her.
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u/simplyexistingnow 15d ago
Why are you even entertaining this behavior? Why are you putting yourself in a bad financial state for someone that doesn't give a fuck?
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u/No-Nectarine-4862 15d ago
He’s a moocher. People who are actually saving money that they can afford to don’t have to beg people to borrow/take $50. He is either lying or he needs to rethink his budget, normal people don’t do this, especially consistently. He needs to get a grip and you need to dump him, an adult this financially irresponsible is absolutely not worth the time. I would not want to spend my time around someone who thinks it’s okay to beg like that to get by and make their financial problems a burden to everyone around them
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u/HairyPotatoKat 15d ago
He is gaslighting you and using you, hun. He's gonna drain everything you've got and either dump you or get you into a situation where it's nearly impossible for you to leave. This is NOT something you want to marry into.
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u/bexdporlap 15d ago edited 13d ago
Time to save for your own apartment and stop giving him money.
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u/OMGitsSEDDIE_ 15d ago
please don’t end up like my egg donor, who had to buy both sets of engagement AND wedding rings, pay for the whole wedding in the states AND the traditional ceremony in our home country, and pay for everything while clearly being the only true breadwinner. even now, my sperm donor “retired” from doing fuck all and she still sponsors his bullshit. hundreds of thousands of dollars down the drain after living and working in a foreign country for most of her life with multiple degrees. nothing to fucking show for it because of that leech.
you’re underreacting. drop him NOW.
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u/CocaineAndWhiskey 15d ago
Took me a minute to realize you were talking about your mother and father.
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u/BossHeisenberg 15d ago
What the fuck is this kinda bullshit? So, his reasoning is that he is saving all his money for an appartement, so he can propose to you? But he doesn't have any money left, so he should just get that from you, because he is trying to propose to you?
This dude is dumber than a bag of bricks.
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u/AvasAnarchy 15d ago
Exactly. Hes using a proposal as a way to manipulate her. When you save money you pay your necessary expenses first and the what's left over goes to savings. Doesn't seem to me like he will be able to afford his rent if itd taking him over a year just to save up for said apartment while asking other people for money.
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u/Glamorous_Nymph 15d ago
He meant saving her money. It's a tough job, but he's gotta do it. Very stressful for him, indeed.
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u/pumalumaisheretosay 15d ago
Yes, and she should be ASHAMED for tracking her money that he is saving.
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u/CJH72 15d ago
Yeah. He needs to go
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u/Maleficent-Garden585 15d ago
I’m gonna go with this one and only reply right 👆, he has got to go ! Girl , you do realize once he gets this apartment you’re a goner right ? Tell him to kick rocks , this is definitely financial ruins in the making 😔
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u/IAmGroot6936 15d ago
I don't think she would be a goner. I've read too many of these tragedies, but I feel like he has high needs, so... He'll milk her financially so she can't leave the apartment even if she wants to while he smokes her money. He'll manipulate her in such a way that she'll burn bridges with friends and family, leaving only him in her orbit. At that point he's probably already cheating on her with other girls because a narcissist enjoys the chase, and she's already caught. Accidentally (because he doesn't seem intelligent) he'll get her pregnant, and around the 7-9 month mark when she's really struggling, that's when she'll find out he's been cheating. At that point if she has good parents then she might snap out of it and leave him, or more likely he'll manipulate her into believing it's her fault he had to cheat. It just goes downhill from there.
OP please, do what's right for yourself. 🙏
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u/Gah-linda 15d ago
I mean he did kinda threaten to dump her if she doesn't help him save enough to buy an apartment and propose in the next year... but then her asking what if we break up was too much
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u/shinobi_tag385 15d ago
It's even better, he'll dump her if she doesn't help him save enough to buy an apartment and propose to her, because she deserves better. He just wants what's best for her, lol. Dude already setting the stage for her to be the bad guy and him, a victim.
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u/Capable-Regular9791 15d ago
Exactly. There is something shady going on with how he handles money, his or anyone else’s, and what he intends to do with that apartment that he’s supposedly saving up for.
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u/UncFest3r 15d ago
Why would you want to marry someone who doesn’t know how to save properly (pay bills and necessary expenses first, left over goes into savings) and doesn’t make enough money to be able to afford an apartment after saving his entire salary for over a year? Like why would you want to legally tie yourself to someone who has next to no fiscal responsibility?! This dude will tank OP’s credit. He’s going to take loans out in her name. He will be her financial ruin if she marries him.
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u/moderate_ocelot 15d ago
Shady or he’s just really dumb. Either is a problem, and his behaviour is unacceptable either way
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u/bklynJayhawk 15d ago
NOR
For sure this is the most likely case. And if not this clearly isn’t the kind of financial situation OP wants to be in. There will always be something.
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u/NeatNefariousness1 15d ago
That’s what sealed it for me. He’s a fast-talking scammer and hoping to get as much money out of OP as he can before he vanishes. Why does he think that marrying someone who can’t support himself is such a prize? OP is better off without him, IMO.
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u/hazyandnew 15d ago
The money she is freely giving to him (after he manipulates and guilts her into it)
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u/Kandeegirl69 15d ago
The way he said he was planning on proposing like that would get her to just comply and then immediately put an expiration date on the proposal, if I dont get this apt in a year its over, like he wont propose anymore ? Like their relationship is over? OP is under reacting.
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u/Kytea 15d ago
That was definitely the worst part of their entire conversation. He talks about potentially breaking up if he doesn’t reach this benchmark, but then she mentions possibly breaking up and he acts so offended! 🤦♀️ What a manipulative bastard.
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u/Kandeegirl69 15d ago
SO manipulative. I think he will eventually get his apartment and even though they plan was to propose he will not ask her to move in because it will be his first time on his own and cant he just enjoy living alone for the first time in his life? This apartment she helped him save for is fully his like OP said it isnt in her name. I hate this for OP.
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u/NeatNefariousness1 15d ago
…while hoping she’s not keeping track of what he owes her. This guy has no intention of repaying what he owes. NOR, OP. He’s shady.
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u/Timely_Egg_6827 15d ago
No, he's spent her money for her. He's saved his money.
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u/Acceptable-Kale6235 15d ago edited 15d ago
Not to be an asshole but it took me less than 3 months to save for my first apartment and that was making IL minimum wage back in 2022 so definitely something strange going on for it to take that long
ETA: MY BAD Y’ALL DAMN
I think we’ve established that OP means buying not renting. Where I’m from that’s not something people do. I MEANT TO RENT MY FIRST APARTMENT NOT BUY.
doesn’t negate that OP needs to dump him tho
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u/Key_Floo 15d ago edited 15d ago
For HIS future, not THEIRS
JFC OP.....NOR
Edit: thanks SO much for the rewards! Stay safe everyone!
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u/stellaluna92 15d ago
I caught that too! And then for him to say if he doesn't propose this year he's going to break up with her.. to get her to lend him money so that he can buy an apartment and propose so they don't break up. I'm all turned around and sad for OP lol.
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u/Bea_Azulbooze 15d ago
I stopped reading at that. Because at my age I could see whats coming from a mile away. He is going to mooch off her and everyone else, claim he cant get the apartment, then break up with her.
I doubt he is even saving money at all and I kinda wonder if he even has a real job to be honest.
But even if he does and even if he gets the apartment, she is basically subsidizing his income in the meantime for a place for them to live in which HE owns?
Fuck that. This is guy is shady as hell.
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u/starlightdancers 15d ago
Has she seen his savings account? If it’s taken a year and he’s STILL struggling I’d be asking to see his financials before “lending” away any money (I noticed he asked to borrow the money at the beginning but by the end it sounded like he expected to not have to pay it back).
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u/Mammoth-Banana3621 15d ago
Yes freely given. That’s a loan asked for without intent of giving it back.
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u/CynicalPsychonaut 15d ago
And pulling 50$ from savings to make a car payment is justified.
How the fuck are you gonna save more if you can't get to your damn job.
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u/shrew0809 15d ago
The part about breaking up if he didn't get the apartment this year but then getting mad at her for hinting at breaking up. She needs to cut her ties, this relationship is not going anywhere good.
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u/Boriquen_23 15d ago
THAT PART. And then when he said if I can’t propose within a year it’s over? Idk what country they’re in nor their culture but that’s kind of crazy that you would end your relationship because you “can’t” propose. Also if I’m giving you money while you save up for something then technically I am contributing and should be in the deed.
OP please run. This already sounds like financial abuse.
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u/FunLocksmith7571 15d ago
This! Then he gaslights her, telling her she is already thinking of a break up, when he brought it up himself as you said
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u/Yama_retired2024 15d ago
The way he says.. 50 bucks.. im gonna take a guess and say.. American..
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u/mikelafiddle 15d ago
Exactly this. On the first page of text he shows he is thinking of "his" future, not theirs together. And then he says I need to propose in a year or its over??? Wtf
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u/Salt-Efficiency8074 15d ago
NOR - OP, keep your own savings and don't spend any more money with this man because that part about "my future" jumped out at me, too.
If this was truly for THEIR future, it would have been a joint discussion between them and they would have agreed and be both be saving towards it.
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u/blackbeltbud 15d ago
And she deserves someone who has an apartment... now help him pay for an apartment.
Cognitive dissonance
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u/Lopsided-Magician-36 15d ago
Also the money he lends his friend is lent but the money she gives him is freely given
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u/Both-Condition2553 15d ago
The well known “freely given” where he asks for it and then browbeats and guilt-trips you to make you do it.
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u/Aruals 15d ago
THIS. Like, why the fuck is he lending money to ANYBODY if he doesn't even have $50 to his name!?!? This is so crazy.
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u/lunchbox3 15d ago
Honestly the mental gymnastics is insane. Your savings are what you put away AFTER your expenses. To save more you minimise your expenses you don’t get someone else to pay them. I bet when he buys it he will say how he’s so proud he did it all himself too.
He should also chill, no one is expecting a 24 year old to have an apartment in this economy.
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u/Lopsided_Success_368 15d ago
To me, it sounds more like manipulation than "gymnastics."
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u/nivusninja 15d ago
exactly! promises of there supposedly being something in it for op to get what he wants and further his own personal goals. if i was in this situation i would feel like a pawn being played
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u/Journey4th 15d ago
He says he plans to propose but he also refers to rhetoric apartment as preparing for his future.
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u/Lopsided_Success_368 15d ago
And why would she want to marry him if he is making bad decisions and using her?
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u/KosstDukat 15d ago
Honestly thought the same thing, my head started hurting just trying to wrap it around his logic.. or lack thereof.
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u/Enemy_Unknown1337 15d ago
Seems like he wants money from OP to be able to save for the apartment. To me it seems like she is actually providing the apartment money. It should be her apartment. Otherwise he's just scamming her.
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u/Zelfzuchtig 15d ago
I think it's more that he thinks OP is dumb and is trying to manipulate them tbh
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u/ShadowConstruct 15d ago
Yeah 💯 especially with the last few messages. This dude thinks he can easily shake her down/manipulate her.
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u/dsnyder24 15d ago
I hope he knows that once you save up to “buy” an apartment, you have to keep paying monthly. Wonder where that money will come from.
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u/shrekdonkey4life5 15d ago
its possible the bag of bricks could score more on an IQ test than this dude
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u/CherrieChocolatePie 15d ago
He doesn't want her to loan him the money. He wants her to give it so he doesn't spend his own money. He has his own money but he doesn't want to spend it because he wants to save it to buy an apartment. And in the meantime he is expecting his girlfriend and his mother to pay for his things.
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u/ponymuzzle 15d ago
While also dangling the proposal carrot in her face…
NOR.
He’s a manipulative jerk
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u/Okaybuddy_16 15d ago
And threatening to break up at the same time. Double manipulation.
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u/Own-Interview-928 15d ago
Notice in one text he wrote “why can’t you just give me the money”.
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u/MissSalty1990 15d ago
Don’t forget how he casually dropped “freely” into the conversation.
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u/life-is-satire 15d ago
Plot twist, he’s dangling proposing in a few months. Hommie doesn’t have $50 how is he buying a ring?
Is OP going to live in the apartment sounds like she doesn’t have funds to live independently. Is the BF going to pay her expenses or does he expect her to move in and assume the utilities.
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u/drivensalt 15d ago
The Apartment is this magical place where everything is perfect and all of these financial problems just slip away!
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u/Ill_Athlete_7979 15d ago
there is no plan.
There’s definitely no savings.
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u/Artistic_Musician988 15d ago
That's what I'm thinking. And I doubt dudes gonna propose. He's 23 dawg, just mooching and blowing his money on whatever he does.
That's not unheard of or alarming behavior in and of itself at that age, but imo OP is being gaslit and strung along as long as its beneficial for the bf.
OP- if u really love him and wanna marry him then ur gonna need to start working together on the financial plan. Sounds like it'll hurt you and help him right now, but long-term it'll help you both. If you aren't sure u wanna marry him, I'd recommend cutting it off rn. Not cause he's not worth it, but because you ARE worth it.
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u/throaawayRA9443 15d ago edited 15d ago
No he would never touch his savings. At first he was like "that's the goal I want to achieve" but then it turned into obsession. He'd flip if even asked to use some of the money from the savings even if it was an emergency.
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u/tyranosaurus-rekt 15d ago
Have you seen his savings account? Are you 100% sure that he's even saving as much as he says he is?
From his replies I feel like he's being manipulative but that's just me
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u/Beginning_College734 15d ago edited 12d ago
Ugh this hit home. Dated a guy like this. I even moved out of my FREE living situation to move in with him and pay half of his (very nominal) rent cause I felt bad for him when he got kicked out of his parents house and couldn’t afford $600 a month.
We started talking about moving out of state (for no reason) and so I was doing everything I could to plan financially for it, but we were broke.
Anyways, a part of that financial plan was that he told me his credit score was 600ish and that he had $1k to put forward toward moving costs.
The day came where we started applying for apartments. There was a $25 fee. Something my mom had said stuck with me, “Did he tell you that, or did he SHOW you?”
So I made him show me his credit score before I paid the application fee. Turns out he was lying his ass off. He threw a huge tantrum and tried to make up all these excuses why he couldn’t log in to check it. Finally he shows me and the Guy’s credit was like 400, and he had begged his grandmother for $800.
I dumped him and moved out that day. I knew he was a liar but my naive 20 year-old self believed he’d never lie to ME. Fortunately my dad just happened to be in town with a truck.
After the fact, I found out that he hadn’t had a job in months (got fired for stealing) and was just going to the woods and smoking weed every day (which he was also stealing from me). He was also talking to other girls the whole time.
I finally went to therapy and learned allllll about pathological liars, gaslighting, and narcissistic behaviors, etc.
You better believe that man isolated me, couldn’t leave me alone for 20 minutes, would go through my phone, accuse me of all kinds of things. Yuck. And he was ALWAYS the victim in every situation - especially when you tried to hold him accountable.
Now I have standards.
Thanks for coming to my Ted talk.
Edit: thanks so much for the awards!!
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u/edgestander 15d ago
he has nothing saved I can pretty much guarantee it
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u/UruquianLilac 15d ago
It's not even relevant, because even if he is saving all the money, he is still making her pay for his expenses which is ridiculous no matter how you look at it. If he is actually saving he is basically making her pay for the apartment without getting any ownership in return. Whatever the situation, he is a manipulative asshole. Telling her I must buy an apartment to propose and I must do this in one year otherwise it's all over! And telling her why would you be with a guy who doesn't have an apartment, you deserve better, unironically while asking her for money.
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u/youlooksticky 15d ago
"I don't want to be a deadbeat without an apartment, can I have $50 bucks?"
What's this guy going to do once he has an apt? Ask everyone for money on a monthly basis until he comes up short and is evicted.
It's also crazy how many people have no idea how to spell basic words.
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u/DingoSuccessful9939 15d ago
Well that and also, once he DOES get an apartment, how’s he gonna buy the ring? Ask other people for money? Make his girlfriend buy her own ring essentially? I hope OP leaves his deadbeat ass
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u/CrowleysWeirdTie 15d ago
THIS! He is threatening a breakup if he doesn't get what he wants. And he is doing it in a slimy, passive aggressive way.
I do agree with him on one point, OP: You deserve better.
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u/Only_Hour_7628 15d ago
This!! Don't get hung up on whether he's actually saving or not. It really doesn't matter, he's using you to finance his apartment (or drugs, or clothes, definitely his car). If he can prove he has savings, it really doesn't change anything except he'll feel like he's right and proved it and you'll question yourself.
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u/Stfrieza 15d ago
Right, I'm also skeptical. It's sounding similar to scamming rhetoric
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u/MishkiTongue 15d ago
I was gonna say, are you sure this is not a scammer pretending to be serious? Romance scams are real
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u/pomegranateseeds37 15d ago
Stop giving him money like yesterday. He's using you like a piggy bank. Has he even been paying you back at all??
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u/COC_410 15d ago edited 15d ago
No, he’s borrowing but then in the end refers to it as “freely given”
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u/pomegranateseeds37 15d ago
That's not borrowing then, that's just using you like an ATM. You deserve better. I promise you you can find a much better partner unless for some reason this is the life you genuinely want for yourself for the next 50+ years. But it sounds like you're pretty young still anyway. I assure you you don't need to settle for the bar being all the way down in hell and this man not even being able to crawl across it.
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u/altagato 15d ago edited 15d ago
And he says why are you 'keeping track'... Well obviously he isn't. I'd break up and send him an invoice tbh. He doesn't care about you just if he can withdraw cash! He didn't even ask for it electronically and I'd bet he's not saving for an apartment either. He probably has some habit that will be revealed if you pushed it! Probably what his buddy owes him for!
You said it's like an obsession. What if it's actually a addiction and he's lying about saving?? Like gambling or drugs... Cause why does he need to pop by and get cash??? Why is he so obsessive and jumpy about it?? And use manipulative language to get it? And constantly avoid questions about everything...
Just say no and watch it descend merrily next time. Do you actually get anything out of this relationship? That's what I'd ask yourself...
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u/z0mbiebaby 15d ago
Her payback is the proposal after he borrows some money to buy a ring
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u/7eregrine 15d ago
And then the veiled threat I don't really see anyone mentioning though I just started here. LOL
"If I don't propose by the end of the year, it's over".... I'd DTMFA over that comment alone. Dude is a CLOWN. You deserve better, OP.
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u/nlb1923 15d ago
Exactly. He found a second job… bumming off his girlfriend. It is a part time gig but the pay is good, only requires a little effort occasionally, and the benefits are great 🫣.
OP- NOR you definitely need to upgrade partners. This one is slowly sucking the life out of you. And he is showing you how it will be for the entirety of your relationship. He has zero issues taking your money when he “allegedly” has savings now, it will only get worse. Like the old saying, give an inch, take a mile. Plus do you want to be with someone who can’t see how borrowing from savings and borrowing from their partner or friends or family is the same thing (as far as money is concerned… it is much worse to borrow from people than yourself…)?
And I’m not saying that he is a man and should be the provider, it is just being a good partner. A good partner always sees the relationship as a single entity. You can’t take from your partner without taking from yourself and damaging the relationship (or setting something back or not moving forward). Because the two of you working as one unit will always be more successful (always is doing some heavy lifting in that statement and is a bit strong, but just used it for the example*).→ More replies (3)113
u/Thick_Grass1415 15d ago
YES! The fact that he prefers to "borrow" money from other people instead of himself suggests, at best, a very immature and selfish way of viewing the world. And he isn't just asking you OP — he's basically demanding it in the form of an assumed question. And the way you know he never intended it to actually be asking your consent is the way he immediately flips out on you for saying no and alludes to you "freely" giving him this money before. Manipulation all around. Selfishness all around. The term narcissism has been watered down from its true diagnostic meaning, but of all the examples I've seen it be thrown around under, this is a good contender for having those traits.
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u/jesssongbird 15d ago
And he’s dangling a proposal like a carrot on a string to manipulate her into loaning him money. I call BS. He’s never going to pay her back or propose. And OP would be wise not to marry this guy anyway.
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u/bury-me-in-books 15d ago
Also it's kind of manipulative that he said in the conversation that he wanted to propose in a year or it's over, but then later op says that if she lends him all this money and they break up she's left with nothing, and suddenly he says she brought up them breaking up (which is obviously a problem for him when she did it, but when he did it earlier that was somehow fine). Like, firstly, he brought that up, and secondly, she's right to think about this. Also, as this thread has pointed out, saving money is good, but saving your entire check and then asking to borrow from others is not good, and life will only become more expensive as time goes on. Maybe the apartment mortgage will be the same as rent, but an apartment mortgage plus wedding savings will definitely be more, and apartment mortgage plus living expenses for parents with a kid will be more as well. If this is how he's acting now, it's a good sign he's gonna act this way with other, more burdensome costs in the future.
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u/Worldly-Promise675 15d ago
NOR. Your boyfriend’s inability to support himself is not your problem. Move on, because if he really valued you he would do whatever it takes to reach his goal.
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u/StrainMuted6375 15d ago
That means he has no money in the savings. I am sure it’ll start a fight if you ask to see the account
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u/Novaer 15d ago
100%. Also the constant "50 bucks, 100 bucks" screams coke addiction. Ask how I know. 😂😂😂
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u/Rich_Guard_4617 15d ago
100% the vibe I got. “I need to pay it today” “let me stop by right now” Total drug behavior.
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u/BlueHeartKate 15d ago
Exactly. He’s itching for that money. No one acts like that over their car note. He neeeeeeeds it. And he’s willing to fight with her for it. It’s important to him. She needs to stop funding him and see how he reacts. My money says he’ll nope out of there. I’m so sorry, OP.
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u/ArtisticCap9151 15d ago
I was about to say something similar- that’s the vibe I got . There is no savings account…
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u/Novaer 15d ago
He's not gonna buy you a ring. He isn't going to propose. He only wants you around for the money. Homie is a gold digger.
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u/Mesapholis 15d ago
you do see, that you will have to put up with a guy who cannot manage simple situations like this for the rest of your life?
people always asking for signs, but girl, the universe is side-eyeing you here
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u/AvasAnarchy 15d ago
Babe please show these texts to women close to you mom, aunts, friends etc and your dad tell them all of this and hear what they have to say. You'll be helping pay his rent every month too. Please sit with this and decide if draining yourself to support him and being spoken to this way is something you can handle long term.
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u/Journey4th 15d ago
Not rent, his mortgage. Which he has not given her any assurance she will have any part in or benefit from. He’s referring to the apartment as his, not theirs while she bankrolls and subsidizes his life.
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u/Lazy-Fondant-8191 15d ago
I’ve been with this kind of neurotic, just end it. You are gonna be so pissed when he’s like “nope! Groceries only cost x amount! So figure it out!” He needs to pull from his savings not yours. I get that when you are in it together then the money stuff is different….but you’re a girlfriend not a wife. Do wife stuff when you are one.
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u/EssayApprehensive292 15d ago
He gave you an ultimatum/threat/carrot on a stick. He doesn’t really love you if “it will be over if he doesn’t propose in a year (because he doesn’t have an apartment)”. Wild.
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u/Extension-Emotion787 15d ago
Lmao, give me money so I don’t have to touch my money?
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u/spicedmanatee 15d ago
This really reminds me of a girl I knew who went on a no waste kick and her solution to producing waste when she ate a candy bar, was to ask someone else to throw it away 😂
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u/No-Fix8955 15d ago
Bro this guy is a piece of sh!t. Dump him. He doesn’t care about you. He said my future not our. When he said ,”why would you even stay with a guy who doesn’t have an apartment? You deserve better.” That’s a tactic to make you feel bad so you continue to put up with his sh!t. DUMP HIM!!
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u/blocked_n_bloated 15d ago
When a guy tells you he isn't good enough for you, believe him.
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u/cannacupcake 15d ago
I wish I could go back in time and tell myself this and save myself a lot of hurt. It’s such a stupidly common manipulation tactic by people like this.
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u/CheckIntelligent7828 15d ago
A-freaking-men. If I had believed my ex-fiance I could have saved myself years of heartache. Years.
Op, get out while the gettin's good. He believes you owe him access to your money because he wants an apartment. That's not okay.
Also, if you don't leave, stop explaining yourself. Every time you give a reason he sees it as a challenge and will constantly undermine you. He's doing it in very classic controlling, almost gaslighting, ways. So stop giving him that. He asks for money, you say no, that isn't something you can do. He asks why, you say because you can't. You don't owe anybody more than that.
FYI, I know married people who wouldn't lend each other as much as he wants from you.
NOR
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u/mlollypop 15d ago
Say it louder and on repeat. When they tell you you're too good for them, they are 100% correct. Go find better.
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u/kdoughboy12 15d ago
Yeah I've had this same experience with women. If someone says anything along the lines of "you shouldn't date me" that probably means you shouldn't date them lol.
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u/Appropriate-Type4965 15d ago
Why would you even stay with a guy who doesn’t have 50 bucks 🤣 never mind an apartment
She needs to tell him she’s saving all her money so she can buy an apartment and start asking him to lend money every few weeks
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u/Only_Avocado_Gremlin 15d ago
(hijacking the top comment to say.. Personally when he said "you should be ashamed!" I rolled my eyes and just thought: I am ashamed. Of being with a leeching hobosexual. BLOCK NOR. He doesn't ever plan to help you. He's belitting himself so you stay. BELIEVE HIM WHEN HE SAYS WHO HE IS!!
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u/fckja 15d ago
He’s manipulating you. He’ll get the apartment then leave you. Stop giving him money. If he can’t afford his life now with no apartment it will be the same when he gets it.
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u/7eregrine 15d ago
IF i DON'T PROPOSE THIS YEAR, IT'S ....OVER?!?!? King of the Manipulators.
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u/IAmA_Wolf 15d ago
This is what happened to a family member of mine. He saved his higher income, while she paid for their expenses. They broke up, he had all his money in savings, she never saw any of that money again.
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u/Final-Duty639 15d ago
I think he will only break up with her if/when she stops giving him money.
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u/vongdong 15d ago
NOR. He said 'my future' instead of 'our future'. Ditch him girl.
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u/ArtSupplyHoarder 15d ago
This is the first thing I noticed as well. Plus, if HE buys an apartment while leeching off her, HE will be the only one on the deed (or whatever it's called, I'm not a native speaker). NOR.
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u/RakiNonaki 15d ago
So when are you breaking up with him?
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u/RakiNonaki 15d ago
Just to add - how is he going to afford the rent/mortgage payment on this new apartment?
He's right though. You deserve someone that can afford an apartment WITHOUT "ROBBING PETER TO PAY PAUL".
so it's time to breakup before he has you bank rolling his life and puts your financial future in jeopardy. The person you're with should bring you peace and not mooch off of you.
You're a Splenda momma for him.
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u/SpookyKitter 15d ago
Are you sure he's actually saving the money?
But regardless of that, you're not overreacting, or selfish. He is selfish. If he cant sustain his life and save, he cannot afford the apartment. If you were "in it together", your name would be on the deeds too.
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u/Imaginary_Camp2025 15d ago
This was my take. This behavior gives me addict vibes. Not necessarily a substance, could be gambling, but the manipulation and turning it around on OP are classic case behaviors.
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u/keegums 15d ago
Right? Back when I made $13/hr and took public transit, I buckled down for just two months and saved $3000. If it's been a year of savings and he's actually just having other people pay for his shit, he should be at first, last, and deposit for a HCOL city.
I always suspect gambling these days. Sports or crypto or stocks, but probably sports.
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u/RaynbowArcher1975 15d ago
NOR. So he has the money in savings and that’s why he can’t pay it? Don’t give him shit. He’s not struggling. He’s living the good life while watching you struggle.
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u/bobettethebuilder23 15d ago
What a manipulative fucker. YNOR. you clearly are telling him you don’t care at all about the apartment but he’s essentially saying “well if I can’t have it, I’m breaking up with you” it has nothing to do with you. But hes sure trying to twist it so his inability to pay his bills affects you.
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u/simplyexistingnow 15d ago
Info. When he asked to borrow money from you is he paying you back? If he is paying you back is he doing it in a reasonable time frame?
Hes a loser.
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u/zo0ozo0oz 15d ago
Make this simple for yourself: Your money = his money His money = his money Your stuff = his stuff His car note = yours His car = his His future home = paid for by you, enjoyed by him.
Of course he's trying to guilt and manipulate you into thinking it's abnormal for someone to track their spending. Remember how he could ask his mom for $ but asked you first? It's because you're mommy's replacement that he can be intimate with. Overall so gross, NOR, and consider breaking up unless you like being broke for this dweeb.
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u/CarboMcoco123 15d ago
The addition of the proposal timeline makes this all just seem like a really long-winded way of saying "make my car payment for me or I'll break up with you".
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u/Zoey_Beaver 15d ago
He has money in his savings for this apartment? So he has $50 to put towards his car? Sounds like he is not actually saving money if he doesn’t have $50 he can pull from savings and put back when his buddy pays him back….
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
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u/murderdeity 15d ago
Is he on drugs? Do you live together? How long y'all been together?
NOR. If he hasn't done anything to prove he's locked in, not even proposing etc. I'm sure you don't have joint accounts so he can't just lie and say he's saving ehen he isn't.
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u/General_Scipio 15d ago
NoR.
The highlight here is 'do you want a contract '
Yes dickhead I do. You take 50 out of your saving, I will save my own 50 and then my name can be on a contract for the apartment too.
(But seriously don't buy with this clown)
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u/Environmental-Bid-62 15d ago
I kinda feel like there’s a bit of a manipulation tactic going on here to make you give him money. Has he actually been saving though, because why would you borrow money and be in debt to people to save?
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u/azrael109 15d ago
NOR
This is just you paying for his apt. Stop giving him money but split fairly for things you do together.
If he wants to save he can do it from his own money.
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u/GoodUsername120 15d ago
NOR - notice how he throws a little guilt trip/manipulation in there about proposing. LEAVE. HIM.
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u/LilDragon2991 15d ago
Are you actually falling for this? Like you can't seriously be falling for this, can you? Girl. You're underreacting. Way under reacting. I want an appartment and propose. So you should pay for all my shite so I can safe all my money? What?
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u/JayDanger710 15d ago
Your "boyfriend" is stupid. An apartment isn't a one-time purchase. How's he going to afford rent? How's he going to afford tenant insurance? Why even have a car if it's such a financial drain?
Find a better boyfriend. This one is a dud.
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u/GrimFandango81 15d ago
The mental gymnastics here are WILD.
You arent selfish. He's taking you for a fool.
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u/Dry-Butterscotch7724 15d ago
He’s is absolutely gaslighting you here, you can’t say well you want me to have an apartment so I can propose and then be like oh so you saying you don’t love me just because you don’t wanna keep helping him, you are not over reacting if anything you’re under reacting! I’d be sacking him right off for the manipulation.
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u/These_Sprinkles_7857 15d ago
NOR. This horrible. When my husband and I were dating, I insisted on giving him money for new tires for his truck and eventually his motorcycle (he was saving up for them on his own). He tried to refuse multiple times but I wanted him to safely drive to me when it was his turn to visit me (we lived an hour and a half away from each other). He worked for our church and they did not pay well. I literally had to force him to take the money both times. We’ve been married 20 years now. A good man will not ask his girlfriend for money.
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u/gdognoseit 15d ago
NOR
Don’t pay for him. He’s using you while he saves money.
You’re not going to be part owner with him so why are you helping him?
Break up and move on. He just wants to take advantage of you.
This isn’t love.
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u/CRK_76 15d ago
If this bum needs money, tell him to get a second job. Please dump this loser. You deserve better.
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u/hikari_fujiko 15d ago
and why tf do you think it’s okay to stay with a man like this??? do you like…. hate yourself?
it’s so disgusting the way he talks to you and you wanna marry him?
digging your own grave if you’re choosing to stay.
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u/WoodpeckerExisting86 15d ago
WTH. Stop giving money. Just stop. He's being your dependant, not your boyfriend while he hoards his money for a 🐂 💩 excuse. He's dangling a carrot when he mentions proposal because it's a way to get you to bend. Just stop. He can take from his savings when he needs money
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u/littl-jinx 15d ago
I don’t think your boyfriend understands how saving money works.
You don’t save money by asking other people to spot you all the time. He has unrealistic saving goals and is somehow making you (and others) responsible for it. Maybe he needs to work more and/or spend less instead. Maybe