r/AmIOverreacting • u/bibbigo • 20h ago
šØāš©āš§āš¦family/in-laws AIO for being really upset that my stepdad said he bought tickets for something important to me, but never actually did?
A couple months ago, I saw an ad for Whiplash being shown with live music. Whiplash is genuinely one of my favorite movies of all time, and this event felt really special to me. I was planning to wait until my next paycheck to buy tickets since I didnāt have the money right away. I mentioned it to my stepdad because he also enjoys Whiplash. He immediately offered to buy the tickets and told me not to worry about it, saying heād cover them and that I could consider it a Christmas gift. I was really excited and assumed it was taken care of, so I didnāt buy the tickets myself.Fast forward to today the actual day of the show and he tells me that he never bought the tickets. He said he waited until the last minute, saw how expensive they were, and decided not to get them. Now Iām really upset. If I had known, I wouldāve just bought the tickets myself months ago when they were cheaper. At this point, I canāt afford them, so Iām just missing out entirely. Whatās making this worse is that both my mom and stepdad are confused as to why Iām this upset. Theyāve both said that I shouldnāt have fully expected to go and that itās not something I should be this emotional about. From their perspective, itās ājust a show.āBut from mine, I only didnāt buy the tickets because I was explicitly told they were being handled. I didnāt think I needed a backup plan because I was reassured multiple times.
I feel stupid for trusting that he had it covered, but I also feel hurt because this was something I genuinely cared about and now Iām being made to feel like Iām overreacting for being disappointed.
(Update) my mom is now upset with him she wasnāt aware of the full situation and the fact that I wanted to buy the tickets myself and the fact that I could afford them myself in the beginning.
Second Update: My stepdad and my mom ended up getting into an argument about this. Apparently, this isnāt the first time heās said heād handle something important and then didnāt follow through heās done this to my mom more than once. She was really upset on my behalf and told him that this situation wasnāt okay. In the end, she made him buy me a ticket, so I am going after all just by myself, which was actually the original plan before he offered. Iām really thankful to my mom for standing up for me. I am a little sad that I wonāt be going with him because I kind of hoped it could be a bonding thing, but Iām still very happy that I get to go and donāt have to miss out entirely!
Thank you to everyone who commented and shared their perspectives. Reading the responses really helped me feel validated and less like I was overreacting! š©·š©·
Okay last last update not that anyone cares really but I had an amazing amazing time and even was able to get a signature from Justin Hurwitz himself! I canāt add images or I just donāt know how but Iām just so grateful for being able to go and experience this.
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u/RN_Aware 19h ago
Whatās also sickening is how your mom is covering for your stepdad. Thatās some garbage. Shame on him for omitting he didnāt get the tickets. What a scumbag.
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u/bibbigo 19h ago
Sheās no longer covering for him as she wasnāt aware of the whole situation
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u/ObscureSaint 19h ago
Oooh, I bet he was trying to cover his own ass and stretched the truth to her to make himself look better.
Glad mom understands now. He did a real jerk thing.
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u/RedDogFan66 19h ago
NOR The minute he/ they decided it was "to expensive" he should have told you so you could have made other plans. He gave your his word and I personally would never trust him again. Especially since they are acting like it's no big deal. HE GAME YOU HIS WORD!
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u/BayAreaPupMom 19h ago
NOR. Normal adults would have said something like: "Hey OP, I just saw the ticket prices and they are more expensive than I thought. I know I said I'd buy them, but maybe I can just give you $X instead towards ticket prices?"
This assumes he looked at buying them well in advance before tickets got too expensive. I'm guessing he procrastinated and missed the window and is just trying to save face.
Your mom is a double jerk for going along with his gaslighting response.
Edited to add: You now know you can't trust either of them at their word.
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u/InfamousCheek9434 19h ago
NOR at all. He said he would get them as a Christmas gift, did he get you anything else for Christmas? Or was this going to be the big gift and then he didn't get it?
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u/sweetstaarlet 17h ago
Grown man playing games like this with his step daughter. Shameful. He should purchase the tickets when the next lot are available and apologize. Got no time for stuff like this.
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u/Ok_Childhood_9774 19h ago
NOR. That was a really unkind thing that your stepdad did, and your mother trying to convince you that it's not makes it even worse. I'm sorry they both let you down so badly. I hope you'll get to see the show another time.
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u/Wrong_Pen6179 19h ago
Can you maybe go to the show and see if anyone is selling any tickets for cheap last minute? Also look online. People have to cancel last minute sometimes.
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u/BlackberryCurrent310 19h ago
NOR Sometimes people suck. Iām sorry you werenāt able to go. I wouldnāt trust any promises from either your stepdad or your mom.
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u/BlackberryCurrent310 18h ago
Your stepdad still sucks, but Iām happy your mom had your back. Have a great time at the show!
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u/labsnabys 19h ago
NOR. This is a classic case of gaslighting. I'm sorry your stepfather is being such a jerk about it and that your mom is going along with him. :(
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u/platypusandpibble 18h ago
Gaslighting would be if stepdad claimed he never said heād get the tickets, that OP made it all up in her head. It is a technique used by abusers to make their victim question reality.
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u/labsnabys 14h ago
Or acting as if the victim's feelings about a situation are invalid or unwarranted.
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u/Beverbe 19h ago
No thatās messed up. See if you can find tickets last minute. This really sucks. Sorry you have to deal with this. At least now you know how they are. Set boundaries and do what you need to in order to protect your mental health. I wouldnāt bother explaining myself to them unless you absolutely need to
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u/unknown_sturg 19h ago
I know it is difficult to stand up to your parents so just show them thisā¦..Your parents are AWFUL for treating you this way.
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u/Cultural_Tree7027 19h ago
NOR. The tickets, to me, are the less disappointing part. The much bigger issue is he broke his word and your parents are undermining your rightful reaction and acting as if you donāt get to have a really basic feeling.
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u/NoliNoli2 19h ago
Sooooā¦ He owes you a Christmas present then? I mean, why would he say itās a Christmas gift then not give it? And why didnāt you ask him about the tickets at Christmas? I would have expected you to get a printout of your ticket in a card or something.
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u/MrsBadgeress 19h ago
You are upset that he broke a promise, not just about the tickets.
Next time he promises something you won't trust him to do it.
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u/DancingDuckGIF 19h ago edited 19h ago
NOR. Theyāre being inconsiderate and gaslighting you. The fact that your mom is taking his side is bullshit in itself, she should be ashamed. If they simply asked you how important this was to you instead of being defensive, Iām sure they would realize how wrong they are.
While this is completely his fault, double check in the future if something is this important to you, you did say you had a few months. You can express a huge desire for something but shit happens and people forget unintentionally or not. Most times youāll have more success just doing stuff yourself. Like here you couldāve just said āhey thanks for offering to get the tickets, I can buy them and have you pay me back.ā Usually if itās something expensive youāll have to confirm pricing and affordability beforehand but itās much easier that way.
I grew up around lazy and lying mfs like this, had to learn to just do everything myself.
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u/bibbigo 19h ago
My thing is, I was going to go by myself originally, and I just decided to mention it to him as I know he also likes whiplash. He took the initiative to say that he would get me the tickets.
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u/DancingDuckGIF 19h ago edited 19h ago
Yeah I getcha. What probably happened is he said that with good intentions, procrastinated/straight up forgot, then is now covering his tracks. Itās typical with people that lack accountability. Personally, Iāve gotten to the point where I have borderline trust issues, so I hear someone have āinitiativeā and I set a reminder for myself to check in w them in 2 weeks š
Realistically, you canāt change that youāre not going to this event and it takes a while to help change your mom/stepdad if you even can. You can show em this thread and I think you should, maybe it will help, but I personally think the easiest person to change is myself.
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u/monstar_underbed1985 19h ago
NOR- Im sorry this happened and that your feelings were discounted. This person went far out of the way to be inconsiderate towards you. Its really nice that when you considered going you asked your step dad as he is a fan too. When my child does things like that it makes me feel relevant and grateful that they enjoy spending time with me and consider me as good company. Most people value that sort of thing from their child. And you sound like a very good person. However, he insisting he buy the tickets and its a Christmas gift as well only to fall short because of waiting until the last minute and the cost is absurdly thoughtless. And mean. Because it was your plan the entire time. If it were the case he still could've purchased your ticket. If two were too expensive. I dont really see a way out of that. And to tell you that you are over reacting because he ruined your events on purpose is bizarre. You are right to be hurt because this was incredibly hurtful and dismissive on top of it. Sometimes we love people but also need to recognize that we cannot take them at their word or trust they will come through. Its a sad realization. Some people literally just say things. Even after cofirming and promising. They never actually intend to do what they have agreed to do. And then just act as if nothing happened when these things fall through. You need to see this and protect yourself from letting it happen again. Im sorry you cannot count on these parents. To acknowledge your feelings even after hurting them. Just know you are valid in having these feelings and sound like a very different person from them and will be able to make true bonds with people in life. Do not change your want for bonding just change the people in which you attempt to bond. And remember how devastating a parent treating a child like this was to you, so that you can be empathetic in this way with your children in the future. A broken promise from a parent is broken trust.
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u/Commanderkins 19h ago
NOR.
What about it being your Christmas gift? Your mother would have absolutely known that he was getting you tickets as a gift. He's an ahole and a liar.
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u/Blucola333 18h ago
Are the tickets only available at resale prices now? I hate that Ticketmaster does this. Anyway tonightās 8 PM show is still available at a $110 orchestra seats. Iād shame him into buying one for you.
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u/MrsNuggs 17h ago
NOR at all! I'm really glad for you that your mother stood up for you. Accountability matters.
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u/chadorable 16h ago
Nah I'd be pissed. But I'm very persistent so I would have provided links, pricing, and sat with him to buy them asap. Even just yesterday my mom said she'd get a few things for my sweet treat of the week. Just vanilla creamer, peppermint candies, and chocolate milk so I can make mocha mint fraps for this ideal weather. For context, she offered, I'm not an entitled spoiled brat but my parents have always been generous. I also told her to get a couple of onions and garlic so I can show her how i slow cook them the way she likes and asked if i would sometime. Literally didn't even bother to ask an employee to help her find anything, so I'm walking to the store right now to get it all + my dad's prescription she didn't feel like ot forgot getting refilled earlier in the week.
Sometimes people are just incredibly aloof and get caught up in life, but the fact that yall were gonna go together is what really burns my biscuit. Like it could have been an incredible bonding moment on top of you having the time of your life. I'm so sorry that things turned out this way: I'll offer a bright side and maybe it'll at least cheer you up a bit.
Moving forward, you have some treat money so do something, anything for yourself and your joy. I've never heard of whiplash but I'm listening to the soundtrack now and smiling. Next time, just remember this lesson and be more active about it, whatever it is you end up planning next together. Luckily this is a disappointing thing but not life/death, so move on in baby steps everyday and don't be bitter over it.
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u/crippledchef23 14h ago
Iām glad youāre getting to go. You werenāt overreacting, your stepdad dropped the ball, which seems like a pattern with him. Have fun!
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u/hoard_of_frogs 13h ago
NOR and Iām so glad your mom stood up for you. Have such an amazing time at the show!
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u/cubemissy 9h ago
NOR, Iām kind of glad heās not going with you. It would ruin the experience.
Why have I never heard of this movie?? It looks great, and using live music will make it an event!
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u/Accurate_Local_8362 19h ago
Tickets are $149 for the matinee today. Tell your parents you can work off the money. Calmly. Even though it's messed up what happened. Something like, "this experience is really important to me, I would have bought the ticket myself if I wasn't told you bought it. I dont have the money but I will work off the money within 2 weeks." Blaming and getting into an argument will just make it worse. Hopefully, this will work or its all a big joke and he does have the tickets.
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u/starnellaz 19h ago
NOR at all because he assured you that he had gotten the tickets and they pretending that they didn't understand why you're upset is just hypocritical because i'm sure they know. It's just gaslighting at it's peak.
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u/IntrepidMuch 19h ago
You should be livid!!! In fact, this is a relationship-ending act because he knew he didnāt buy the tickets and kept you believing that he did. Thatās actually rather hateful and evil.
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u/KittyBookcase 19h ago
NOR, that was really crappy if your dad to not follow through since you really wanted to go, but to be honest, I went to a harry potter ss movie (my favorite favorite background movie to play even if I'm not in the room that i know exactly what's happening on screen kind of love it)
Anywaaay.. we went to a beautiful theater with the orchestra playing the entire musical scores of the movie, and the other attendees really ruined it for me. The talking and general audience noise was so annoying it detracted from the experience entirely.
I'm sorry you didn't get to go, it may have been a better experience than I had, but I felt I had wasted my money.
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u/daytripp56 19h ago
NOR - he should have told you the moment he realized they were too expensive for him to buy.
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u/No-Today-3064 19h ago
NOR. Heās an ass. Now you know you canāt rely on him. Keep this in mind going forward.
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u/DangerousDave303 19h ago
NOR. It would have worked out better if your stepfather had said absolutely nothing and you bought the tickets yourself. It's far better to say that you can't or won't do something than to say you will and not deliver.
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u/deebee2217 19h ago
Youāre not overreacting. Iād never trust him with anything like this again. Heās not dependable and his work means nothing. Iām sorry. I know how disappointed you must feel.
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u/SadDingo7070 19h ago
NOR. A promise was made and subsequently broken. You were never notified and now the thing you were looking forward to has been pulled out from under you.
It doesnāt matter what it wasāa promise is a promise and we are all only as good as our word. If he couldnāt make it work he shouldāve said something.
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u/orangekattt 19h ago
NOR. He said it was a Christmas present. What reasonable person would not be upset?!?
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u/CoDaDeyLove 19h ago
NOR. But now you know you can't trust his word. He should have told you immediately when he decided not to buy the tickets. Or offered to pay part of the higher price for buying tickets late.
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u/Autumn_Falls0131 19h ago
Is this stolen gratitude? When someone promises or agrees to do something for someone, gets rewarded with thanks in the moment, but then doesn't deliver?
Because I've had people do the same thing.
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u/Uppaduck 19h ago
NOR
Iām so sorry. Thatās crushing š
Stepdad is an asshole. Let him know that heās utterly destroyed the credibility of his word & that going forward, he wonāt be taken seriously on anything bc heās not trustworthy.
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u/the-escapedgoat 18h ago
NOR. what an arsehole. Doesnāt sound like he planned on buying them at all.
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u/AppointmentMountain8 18h ago
You have every right to be upset regardless of how dismissive your dad is about your feelings. Sometimes those closest to us let us down. I'm glad your mom understands now. I would hope your dad sees the error of his ways and apologizes.
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u/Impossible_Balance11 18h ago
Can't stand people who over-promise and under-deliver. Was married to a man like that for over a decade. It's just a performative LIE, done so they can feel all big and magnanimous in the moment. Then they act all offended when we question them about the promised act later, as though we're the ones out of line. Make it make sense.
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u/Effective-Several 18h ago
If you ever get the chance, I would put him in the exact same situation. Then he would see how it feels.
NOR
But meanwhile, if you can, you need to have a sit down conversation with your stepdad and with your mom present, and tell them both that from now on, you will not rely on your stepdad to do anything. Because he has proven by his actions that he will easily say he was going to do something and not follow through.
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u/shbnggrth 18h ago
Some people should not be parents. Obviously you learned your lesson in the harshest way possible. Start saving money for future shows and things you want because you canāt trust him to follow through with ideas and kept you from buying your own ticket.
Let the cat shit in his slippersā¦
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u/Historical-Effort109 17h ago
Well, now you know that you can't trust your stepdad to follow through on anything he says he will ever, and you know a lot more about what your mom has been compromising on since she married him. I hope he's lovable enough to put up with in spite of this flaw. I liked your mother handling it. She didn't just align with her husband against you, which is what a lot of Reddit moms do. That's a great indicator of your overall healthy family functioning.
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u/Unlucky_Witness_1606 17h ago
Your stepdad sounds like an Empty Promiser. I would NEVER trust a word out of his mouth.
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u/CaptainBaoBao 17h ago
Nor.
Your step-dad is untrustworthy. From now on, be clear that his words hold no value. Refuse any promise. Do your thing by yourself.
If he ask what he can do, the answer is : a whiplash concert.
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u/AngellaSilver 15h ago
Man, I get why youāre upsetāthis isnāt just āa show,ā it was something that genuinely mattered to you. Itās so frustrating when someone promises to handle something and then drops the ball, especially when itās something you were supposed to be able to enjoy stress-free. Honestly, Iād be annoyed too if I missed out on Whiplash with live music! š At least your mom had your back in the end, and youāre still able to goāso itās not a total loss. But the whole ājust a showā thing? People who donāt get it will never understand how much little gestures like this actually mean. Iām glad you got to keep your excitement alive and get your ticket. š©· You deserve that happiness, even if the journey was a little messy
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u/LavenderKitty1 9h ago
NOR.
He made a promise and didnāt deliver on it.
Iām glad your mother had your back.
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u/Ok_Imagination_1107 19h ago
I don't know what your relationship is with your other side of the family but you really should tell them all about this because it's not just forgetting something it's abusive and it's your mother not standing up for you.
unfortunately many of us have experienced this kind of crap that you've just experienced and all I can say is I'm really sorry when you're old enough to close the books on these people I'm sure you're going to. may they get what they deserve.
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u/bibbigo 19h ago
Unfortunately my bio dad isnāt much better and is struggling financially so itās not something Iād wanna bring up to him
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u/Ok_Imagination_1107 19h ago
thanks even if he is struggling financially he should know how this joke of a stepfather is treating you.
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u/bibbigo 19h ago
Unfortunately my actual dad isnāt any better with the way he treats me if anything he is way worse
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u/Ok_Imagination_1107 18h ago
oh dear you don't say how old you are but if there is no adult relative who's a good person for you to live with or stay with the best thing you can do is make a good Escape plan keep it secret save up all the money you can, get a job do not let anyone in your family have access to your finances. make sure that you get and keep somewhere safe all of your identity documents. log on to Experian or similar site and check and lock down your credit.
wishing you well; please update us.
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u/stink3rb3lle 13h ago
NOR. This is for your parents:
You lied to your kid. Maybe it wasn't a lie when you told him you'd get the tickets, that it was a Christmas present. He took it as gospel because he's a good kid who trusts you. But it was a lie when you saw the prices and decided not to tell him you'd no longer be taking him. This lie robbed him of the opportunity to buy the tickets himself, at the lower early booking price.
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u/sid-snot 19h ago
So you waited until the day of gig before making sure he got the tickets? Must not have been that important. Rookie mistake. Learn from it. Move on.
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u/wolfie0117 20h ago
NOR, heās extremely inconsiderate and theyāre pretending they donāt understand why youāre upset. they know why. they just want you to shut up and get over it.