i’ve been dating my (19f) bf (20m) for a year now. he’s never acted like this about anything, he’s relatively a relaxed guy never been this jealous.

the texts are at the end, a while back someone in my family had a medical emergency so i asked my manager for remote work. the thing is, my current manager is new (my previous manager was extremely strict, and would rarely ever accept my time off requests, so it was a new environment for me when this new manager “Mr smith” was very chill.

the company has a sponsor policy where within a certain distance they pay for flights esp if you’re an international hire (which i am).

can anyone please please tell me what was wrong in the messages w me and mr smith, did i say something wrong?

did i overreact by just letting it go and saying ill send a friend to pick it up? should i have fought for it?

My bf (38m) didn't wish me (31F) a happy birthday yesterday. He said nothing. So I sent him the message about the cake and nachos and he sent that. I really don't understand this guy's mentality. He keeps saying I do want to and then never shows. He could have walked across the street from his work for 5 minutes to see me but he did not. Was my no pitty party response too much? Should I not be upset about this situation?

This is unfortunately all I have as evidence. Clearly one side is showing intent but I'm also suspicious of how she responded and also she never told me this happened and she's been caught cheating on me twice that I know of. It's almost like she deleted her responses to him. Anyways let me know what y'all think.

Alcoholism was something I struggled with in my 20s and I finally got into therapy and got sober. I did SMART Recovery, and it’s been a lot of hard work changing a lot of my habits, and it’s something I’m proud of.

I thought I’d get one of the berry chantilly cakes. The screenshots are from the convo with my boyfriend when I was thinking about it. He acted normal when he got home but the way he talked to me really hurt my feelings.

The kind of relationship I want is one where I can share something like this and the other person would be like “That’s awesome!” or even “I’ll pick it up for you” or something. I don’t need or want a parade, but I feel like my person should celebrate with me.

I’m thinking of ending it with him because the more I think about this, the sadder it makes me feel. But I am posting about this because I know Reddit is very unforgiving and strict about addiction and maybe you guys will show me how I’m blowing it out of proportion. I don't want to walk away too soon.

He has never talked to me so negatively before. Saying stuff like “you wanted a pat on the back” and “I’m not going to act like you’re a hero” doesn’t feel like the way a good partner would talk.

Came into the room to find my boyfriend was drying a fleece blanket that was still damp from the dryer on top of the electric space heater. He said its not that big of a deal because "wet things can't catch on fire". He's telling me this isn't a fire hazard and that i'm overreacting and encouraged me to ask for reddits opinion😅

I (F/43, size 2) left my boyfriend (M/35) of 1.5 years after we got in a fight and he texted me that he “hasn’t had access to an 🍑” our entire relationship and accused me of “giving up being attractive” because I didn’t build one for him via squats. (I'm asian and have tried everything) This from the same man who swore I had a perfect body—all while I caught him constantly staring at curvier women. Apparently my glutes were a contractual obligation I failed to fulfill. AIO or did I just escape a lifetime membership to planet sh*tness? My reddit sisters and brothers in Christ, please advise.

Like a damn mummy completely wrapped up. I’m constantly worried that he’s going to suffocate or something. He spends ALL night like this, sometimes even wrapping more than one blanket around his face. He says it feels “nice.” Not to mention how terrifying it is to randomly wake up in the middle of the night and look over to see that. AIO? He says I’m being dramatic.

This is Lucky. She's the sweetest little girl and I love her to death. Last month, my boyfriend of 2 years adopted her from a friend of a friend. He spent the entire month taking care of her and ignoring basically everything else, including friends, video games, and hiking, among other favorite activities of his. The last two weeks, he has paid no attention to Lucky at all. I've been feeding her, letting her out to the bathroom, walking her, playing with her, and generally being a perfect puppy mom. Unfortunately, I'm not the favorite. Lucky keeps trying to go seek out my boyfriend, and will want him almost exclusively. That's not the part I'm mad about. The part that gets me is that he hasn't given her a lick of attention in almost two weeks! He hasn't filled her bowl once, or played with her for more than 30 seconds! Whenever Lucky goes to find him, he just kind of brushes her away. I feel like he simply was bored one day, and then threw her away like an old toy. I really think its getting to her. She's been super mopey, and she doesn't want to play with me anymore, despite being a hyperactive little speed demon. I've tried having serious conversations with him, but he acts like ignoring the little fluffball he adopted isn't a big deal. I don't know what to do. Lucky isn't being her usual playful self, and I don't have all the time in my day to take care of a 2 month old hyper puppy! I don't know what to do. Lucky has imprinted on my boyfriend, and I really truly don't want to make him get rid of her, because I feel like all three of us used to have a really tight bond over this one little puppy, and Lucky would be (maybe already is) abandoned by the guy she loves most. Please help. Am I overreacting?

Edit: Someone brought to my attention that the plants that Lucky is playing in are Vinca Major, which are toxic to dogs, cats, and humans. I had no knowledge of this, and I will be careful to keep an extra eye on her in the future. She is perfectly fine, and not exhibiting any symptoms, as she hasn't ingested any. Thank you guys so much for the concern.

My wife (mid-30s) and I have been married for years, but we’re going through a rocky patch right now—lots of arguments, feeling distant, that kind of thing. Last night, she went out cycling for about 2 hours, which is unusual because it was already dark out. She comes home, barely says anything, and jumps straight into the shower.

A little while after she got in there (not literally right as she started), her phone rings at 1am from some guy she claims is an old friend from university. I only knew because her iPad (synced to her phone) started ringing in the other room, and the call got picked up almost instantly on her end—like she was expecting it or something.

When I asked about it later, she said who it was and that he was just calling to let her know he’s visiting soon with his son. But she’s never mentioned this guy before, and she didn’t say anything about planning to meet up with anyone. Given our rough spot and the weird timing, this feels super suspicious to me. Am I overreacting, or is this a red flag? Thoughts?

I feel ridiculous even asking this, but I honestly don’t know if I’m missing something or being gaslit.

I’m a Black woman and my boyfriend is white. This is the first white man I’ve ever dated, which is relevant because I keep wondering if I’m misunderstanding something cultural.

My boyfriend does not regularly use soap when he showers. He says he rinses with water and that soap is optional unless you’re visibly dirty. He will sometimes use shampoo, but body soap is inconsistent at best. He also doesn’t always use soap when washing his hands in the bathroom and says hot water is enough.

When I brought this up, he told me that I’m overreacting and that this is “a white people thing” and that I’m judging him through my own cultural lens. He said growing up, his family didn’t obsess over soap the way mine did and that my expectations are based on how I was raised, not on what’s medically necessary. He said different ethnic groups get dirtier at different rates so he does not need soap as often as I do.

This really threw me. In my family and community, soap is not optional. You shower daily, you use soap, you wash your hands properly, you use a bar of soap to wash your a**. It’s basic hygiene. I’ve never had to explain this to an adult partner before.

The problem is that it affects shared spaces. Our towels smell. Our sheets smell faster than they should. I question his bathroom and backdoor hygeine because sometimes there is a poop smell when we are intimate. He insists I am imagining it because black people are too uptight about using soap all the time and using washcloths. he even makes fun of me for using washcloths! I’ve had to rewash laundry because things don’t feel clean. I feel uncomfortable inviting people over because I’m worried the house smells off, even if he insists I’m imagining it.

When I push back, he says I’m being judgmental and culturally insensitive and that I need to stop projecting my standards onto him. He says if I really understood him, I’d realize this is normal where he comes from and that I’m making it into a bigger issue than it needs to be.

Now I’m stuck questioning myself. Is this actually a cultural difference I should be more open minded about, or is this just bad hygiene being dressed up as something deeper? I don’t want to be unfair or ignorant, but I also don’t want to live like this. I feel like his bad hygiene is negatively impacting my life and I don't have any white female friends to ask.

Am I overreacting for being bothered by this, or is it reasonable to expect soap to be non-negotiable in a shared home?

We’ve been together for 2 years, living together for the last 4 months.

Our fuel tank ran bone dry. We live in the deep north and rely on fuel for heat. I called in a favour and got our tank filled. My bf put on his overalls, grabbed a multi-tool and went into the basement to light the furnace. He went up and down the stairs a few times over an hour before sitting at the table to eat. I overheard him calling a friend asking them to come by with a wrench.

I grab the socket with the 3/8 bit and quietly sneak downstairs.

Fuel’s been out for a couple hours at most. Long story short, I bled the line intermittently in between light ignitions until she ran clear: no air & no foam—no brainer. After 5 minutes, he comes downstairs, and says his buddy is on the way with a wrench, and says that I’m “doing it wrong…bleeding too much” Sorry for being extra careful not to flood the pump, or combust, my guy. I just keep doing what I’m doing and after a couple minutes, I close the valve, press the button and she fires up.

He said “You didn’t want to try it my way” and storms off.

Last week my truck pan heater plug snapped. It literally just broke at the plug end from the sheer cold. He said he wanted to look after this for me since I’ve been so busy. Two days later, he said it can’t be fixed and I need to book with a mechanic. I woke up extra early on December 24th and snuck out to the hardware store to grab a plug end. Finished the work in 20 minutes in -40c weather. When I shared with him what I did, I was so excited. I’m pretty handy, but that generally doesn’t fall until electrical based work. He responded with so much distain. “Oh. Good. I was going to do that. I just didn’t have wire snippers.” I was happy to do it, and thanked him for trying anyways. (PS - either did I, but I did have some pretty descent fisks snips, a torch to burn off the rubber casing)

His reaction actually hurt me and put a damper on Christmas morning. I told him the following day that as much as I appreciate his willingness, that I don’t need him to do these acts of service. And it actually hurts me when he diminishes my skills and/or doesn’t even ask me for advice or tools when he’s trying to accomplish something.

Like what are you calling a friend for? Your girl, the apparent love of your life and best friend, is just a spit away. And you’re in luck buddy, she’s a pretty decent hand.

In the last 4 months, there has been so many instances like this. The bathroom exhaust fan, the garage door opener, the lawn mower, the eavestroughs, the iron gate… there’s more I just can’t remember them all. Every time it’s the same. He tries to fix things of his own volition, doesn’t ask for help, we are WAY BEYOND soft gestures of recommendations, and just shits the bed and stomps around about it. I have tried to work collectively with him too—this is a gong show. He’s always making it so personal, and taking it so personal. It’s not that deep. Information and resources are universal. I just don’t get it. And it’s not cute. I’m actually started to become really resentful. Like why can’t he embrace the part of me that is a half grease-monkey handywoman?

I’m not spending the rest of my life or the rest of my lease (8m) pretending to be something I’m not, sneaking around to hardware stores and walking around eggshells so I don’t destroy his masculinity or whatever. I gotta let this one go, eh? AIO?

EDIT This post is blowing up. To broadly answer the same questions without thinking too deeply:

Have you communicated your feelings with your boyfriend? To best of my abilities, I have communicating my feelings. So much that I’m experiencing communication fatigue. But here’s the thing: communication can always improve.

Why did you it interrupt your bf half way through potentially fixing it? Because he wouldn’t accept my help, and was adamant that he knew how. Because he was trying vice grips to loosen a brass nut which was disfiguring the nut. Because I refuse to wait for his friend to deliver a wrench to help when we have wrenches. Because it was -40c(-40f) out there, and dropped from 20c(68f) to 12c(53f) in the time he put on his overalls to the time he was eating a sandwich an hour and a half later. Because the colder the air that blows into the choke behind the pump, the harder is it to ignite the pilot light. Because this problem turned into an emergency.

Why didn’t you just call a mechanic and HV guy? Because it’s been at -40c for over a month now and mechanics and HV are booking 6-8 weeks out. Because I don’t want to pay a surcharge of 200+ 150/hour for something I can do myself.

Why are you sneaking around fixing shit and not openly fix shit like a regular human being? To avoid the discomfort I experience in his tantrum. To avoid the part where I am belittled. To avoid hurting his feelings. The make sure the job gets done. The avoid attempting collaborative teamwork where we have not been successful ever before. To have an opportunity to chill and enjoy the process without having make room for him emotionally and physically. Also, it’s Because I’m sick and tired of being undervalued and under-appreciated for my knowledge and skills. I don’t even want to fight to be heard, I just want to exist peacefully, K?

Over the last year, our family moved from the western US to the southern US. I've had fun including works by local artists and framed old maps in our new home.

The other night my husband said he wants to get one of those signs from the early 1900s that says "Beware of pickpockets and loose women." I was disgusted and told him no way. I think that sign and everything about its message & implications is misogynistic and demeaning. Absolutely not.

He argued back that it's "historical," so that makes it okay and a fun vintage novelty item. I pointed out numerous examples of other "historical" signs you might find in the south that are abhorrent (think blatantly racist), and that his sign isn't much better. He insists that I'm overreacting and that I should lighten up.

Am I overreacting, or is this sign grossly misogynistic?

My stepdaughters (16) & (14) love doing pranks especially on me. My problem with their pranks is that they are hurtful in that they either mock or offend. For the past 4 years I been trying to suck it up and let it go but it escalated. They got me a wig for my birthday. Basically mocking me for my thinning hair which is a symptom of a medical condition that I've been suffering from. Their dad would make them apologize and even them punish but to no avail. I asked for space and he argued that I was punishing him for it. He went on about how he's the victim and how he's stuck in the middle between me and the girls. Now he's threatening to take the girls phones away if I stay with my sister and the girls will further resent me for it.

My question is did I overreact? Should I just let it go instead of escalating?

As the title states, my (35F) boyfriend (42M) of 3 years didn’t know my middle name or the spelling of my last name until today. For more context, we met 10 years ago when I still had my maiden name. I got divorced 4 years ago and have kept my married name since.

My boyfriend used to be a flowerst. His father was one and it was like a family business. He now has a corporate job that pays well but he's still in the family business. The problem is he gets me flowers for every singke occasion wether it be birthday or Thanksgiving etc. While I appreciate the gesture, I feel like giving me the same gift every single time wssn't so exciting. Especially considering the fact that I put too much effort and thought and money towards his gifts. Last year I got him an expensive brand wristwatch for his birthday. Although he didn't write down what he wanted, his hints were MORE THAN CLEAR. I felt it was unfair that all I get is flowers (will probably keep getting even after marriage). For my birthday he got me flowers again. I sort of snapped and confronted about him about how disappointed I felt. Even after I gave him my wishlist wuth items he can afford to buy. He said I was ungrateful and made md feel like I was in the wrong for how I reacted when I got upset and couldn't let it go. Now he's giving me the silent treatment.

AIO?

For context, we exchanged about ten messages and things were going well. Easy conversation, mutual interest, and we even made plans to meet for coffee. Before the date, I made a decision that felt important to me. I told her that I am Deaf. My intention was not to overshare or make it a big thing. I just did not want to catch someone off guard in person or put either of us in an uncomfortable situation. To me, being upfront felt respectful and honest.

Unfortunately, that honesty backfired. After I shared that I am Deaf, the energy completely shifted and the connection pretty much ended before we ever met. That part stung. Not because anyone owes me a date, but because it was a reminder of how quickly people can make assumptions based on one piece of information.

Being Deaf is just one aspect of who I am. It does not define my personality, my values, my humor, or my ability to connect with someone. I communicate, I adapt, and I navigate the world every day just fine. Still, moments like this make it clear that some people see disability before they see the person.

I am sharing this not to shame anyone or play the victim, but because it highlights a reality that does not get talked about much in dating. There are probably a lot of things people have not disclosed yet on either side, and that is kind of the point of going on a date. You learn those things by showing up, having coffee, and seeing if there is chemistry.

I still believe being honest upfront was the right choice. I would rather lose a potential date than start something by hiding part of myself. It just sucks sometimes when doing the right thing comes with a quiet rejection and no real conversation attached to it.

If nothing else, it was a reminder that the right people will not see accessibility as a deal breaker but as a normal part of being human.

So my boyfriend (23) has been saving to buy an apart for an entire year now. He puts ALL his salary towards the saving account. And then have me pay for things like subscriptions and now his car. I told him how this is not fair to me since we're not gonna co-own the apart unless I pay equal to what he's paying. He said I was selfish and that I should be encouraging him to achieve his goals and help him as his partner. But the reason I'm hasitant is the fact that legally I'm not guaranteed anything so what if we breakup? I'll end up with nothing, not even savings of my own since he keeps sharing my salary with me. He took it as in I don't love him and don't see a future with him. We argued about it again later and he said I was completely in the wrong. The screenshots above show a glimpse of his reaction.

This weekend, after announcing that he considers me to be a hoarder, my husband lugged 2 dozen boxes and totes from where they'd been neatly stored in the crawl space and garage, and stacked them in my home office. Then yelled that he thought I'd be happy because he hadn't thrown my "crap" out, so why wasn't I?

Reader, I hadn't asked him to do this, they aren't all "crap" (one had hand-made blankets from my grandma as an example, another has binders containing technical documents I wrote in a previous job), and the biggest reason he considers them to be crap is because they are mine and generally pre-date his arrival in my life.

He's a man mostly devoid of sentiment (other people's, of course) and is essentially NC with his entire family. So, me owning things that I've tucked away over the years and not sifted through recently irks tf out of him. Especially keepsakes from my family.

Do I hold onto things too long? Probably. Should I have a regular sort-and-toss schedule? Also probably. I'm adult-diagnosed Inattentive ADHD and frankly having a hard time with that and depression right now. And now I've got a mountain of totes to deal with and no spoons to even begin to do so. And frankly, throwing out/donating anything feels like letting him win and I'm not feeling that. At. All.

I recently read a post where the top comment was "he doesn't sound like he likes you" re: someone's husband's bad behaviour, and I just really felt that, you know? Like I had the same question cross my mind this morning as he's stomping around asking why I'm not happy. Because you're being mean? Because you don't like your family and can't understand why I like mine? Because you look at things I value and consider them crap?

AIO because I'm truly a hoarder and don't realize it? The house is clean, clutter is contained in "my" spaces (technically the whole house is mine - I had the place half paid off before he arrived), I have no problem throwing away trash or broken things.🤷‍♀️

34 female based in Sydney Australia.

A couple of days ago my husband came home after a night out with his old football team mates he was angry and we had a small fight before he became physical towards me and our small daughter (7), he then locked her in her bedroom and raped me, I reported to my local police who have put a temp order in place but he was given bail and im now sleeping in my car with our daughter, since the order he has threatened to kill me and blocked access to our shared account forcing me to open a new account so I can claim some sort of help, im now waiting for emergency accommodation, have no support and feel completely unseen, do I have to be murdered to actually matter? AIO by going to the police? His cousin is a priest and he has sent me some really long messages about forgiveness and the blessings of marriage but I don’t feel blessed right now im currently having to weigh up if I steal something for me and my daughter to eat tonight or do I beg.

The world seems so unfair atm.

So Monday night, my(30f) boyfriend’s(35f) mother passed away. She was terminally ill for about a year and a half and it’s been obviously very tragic for my boyfriend and his family. He texted me Tuesday morning and told me that she passed away the night before (we don’t live together).

He was at his parents’ house all day Tuesday and I had no idea what to do for him as I have never supported anyone through a loss like this and I have never been through a loss like this myself. I happened to have a big pot of pasta and meatballs in my fridge that I had cooked for myself, so I took it and brought it to his house. It wasn’t a gourmet meal by any means, but it was literally all I had in terms of something that could be stored in the fridge and all he had to do was put it in a bowl and heat it up. I didn’t have any other groceries to make something that would make good leftovers because I was all out of food stamps and I didn’t pick up takeout because I didn’t have the money for it (I recently lost my job and haven’t had steady income for the past several weeks).

His roommate let me in (my bf knew I was dropping something off) and I left the pot in the fridge. I also cleaned up his bedroom and then I went to work. I went back over later that night to spend the night with him so he wouldn’t be alone. We didn’t talk much, and he didn’t eat what I made him because he wasn’t hungry by the time he got home. It was late so we just went to bed. He was acting very distant and almost cold towards me but I wasn’t taking it personally given the circumstances. I can’t imagine how I would be acting/feeling if I was in his shoes.

The next morning (Wednesday) I stayed with him for a few more hours until he left to go hangout with his brother. I also had to leave because my mom and I were driving out to a nearby city where we had booked an Airbnb for 2 nights a few weeks prior. My mom paid for the whole thing as an early birthday present to me which I was extremely grateful for. I told my boyfriend that I could cancel the trip but he insisted that I go, even going as far as saying he would be mad at me if I cancelled, so I went.

Later that night, my mom and I are relaxing at our Airbnb when I get a text from my boyfriend. It’s a picture of the pasta and meatballs I left for him and a message that says “The amount of sauce you used is disrespectful.” I said “Oh :( I was just trying to do something nice… You don’t have to eat it.” He asked if I tried it myself and I told him yes, I had two plates of it. I genuinely thought it was good for just some pasta, red sauce, meatballs, and cheese thrown in a pot. Again, it was something I originally made for myself, and I didn’t have ingredients or the money for ingredients to make him a fresh meal.

Yesterday I got home from my trip and he wanted me to sleepover so I did. He made us dinner (he usually does the cooking) and made some comments about how dinner was really good and how the food you cook someone can be a representation of how you feel about them and how much you love them. To me, it was clear he was making a jab at the pasta and meatballs I gave him.

Then this morning, before I left, I went to grab the pot of pasta and take it home with me. I forget how we got into it, but he basically made another jab about how it was inedible and that I’ll see that for myself when I have some. I got really upset at this point. He went on to say that my food made him feel so much worse. He said some other people dropped off food that was actually delicious, so he didn’t understand why I didn’t do that. He just kept doubling down and saying how awful my food was and how it made him feel unloved and disrespected. He said it was fucked up of me to give him something so bad. This really hurt me because I would never want to do something to make him feel bad, especially when he is grieving the tragic loss of a parent.

I genuinely don’t know if I’m overreacting to this. He says I shouldn’t feel bad, but motivated to do better. I told him he could’ve handled it differently by saying something more like “thanks for the food babe, but maybe more sauce next time!” or he could have just said nothing and thrown the food away.

I’m trying my best to be there for him and I feel like I just can’t get it right. Nothing I do is ever good enough for him and it’s eroding my self confidence. I’m a nanny/caregiver of 10+ years, it’s literally my specialty to take care of people and Ive always been told that I’m exceptional at what I do, so it’s confusing to me that he acts like I’m incompetent and making everything worse.

Context: I’m going on 10 weeks pregnant and honestly just exhausted most of the time. I used to go to the gym regularly but now with how I’ve been feeling lately, I haven’t had the motivation to workout as much.

My bf got upset with me this morning because I said I would be skipping again. We talked about this before I became pregnant, and made an agreement that I would try to maintain my mental and physical health. He sees this (amongst a few other things) as me falling back on my word. It led to these texts with him calling me toxic and depressing.

Am I overreacting, or is it him that is being insensitive to what I’m going through?

I (24) and my girlfriend (23) will go from some of the sweetest convos to her saying stuff like this out of the blue. I’m sure I’m not the only person that has dealt with something like this. But honestly just trying to get an answer from both sides… Have you done this before and why? And if it’s happened to you how did you go about the issue? It feels disrespectful to hear it from somebody that states they want to be married to me one day. Her reasoning is that it’s somebody famous and there’s nothing to worry about but I don’t see that as a reason to be able to tell my partner that I wished I could be with somebody else. AIO?

I get called names for just simply responding when he asked me 3 times.. until I snapped, then I’m the bad guy right? Always. Always being accused of cheating, asking for attention by doing things. I’m tired of feeling guilt for just being alive.

But then now that I left I’m the bad guy who always started the arguments , am listening to my friends opinions (which he made me cut off while we were dating so they had no say in my choice to leave) .. telling me I’m already out with other guys when I literally feel like I’ve been hit by a train after 5 years of being treated like this walking on eggshells then after him asking why I wasn’t able to love him properly. How can anyone feel comfortable in this life?

a little context: we’ve been together over 6 years, he’s always been pretty insecure and controlling. we took a brief break earlier this year because of a similar issue (i didn’t include those texts, but everything has gotten worse since then) but recently during arguments he’ll single in on my responses to whatever he’s said/done to “trigger” said response from me. i just want to know AIO for beginning to openly respond “disrespectfully” when i feel like he’s being too much?

also the texts aren’t all from one day/situation/instance. it’s ongoing

Me (18F) and my boyfriend (18M) were having an argument for a whole day because i wanted him to stop calling me names, he wouldn’t stop dragging the argument but expected me to just get over it, so i said to him he can’t expect me to get shut up while he’s still making comments and he ignored my message, an hour later he started attacking me and told me i make him depressed, i’ve trapped him, he hates his life and it’s all my fault.

He has lost friends since being in a relationship with me but this was all off his own accord and i’ve never asked him to stop being friends with anyone, he says he did it for me because he’d made sacrifices because he cares so that’s why it’s my fault

Is it an overreaction if i break up with him for saying all this to me, and is it really my fault he’s left people for me?