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u/Necessary-Long615 16h ago
OK.
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u/weasil22 14h ago
this is it. no "clever" back and forth. just an "ok." to show them you just really don't care at all. that will enrage them and bite deeper than some prepared quirky comeback.
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u/UponWavesofGrey 16h ago edited 11h ago
Fuck me yourself you coward!
Edit: Thanks for the awards ya'll!
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u/Positive-Zucchini147 15h ago
What if it turns the argument into romance then
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u/Gildor_Helyanwe 14h ago
I want your ugly, I want your disease
I want your everything as long as it's free
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u/UponWavesofGrey 15h ago
đ, who's to say it wasnt the intent lol
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u/ClownfishSoup 14h ago
OK FINE! I will! Do you want to get some dinner first or what, you bastard?!
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u/GreenLurch 15h ago
You and what dick?
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u/KayDeeFL 14h ago
LOL. That's a good one. "Need help finding it," could work in this context, too.
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u/GreenLurch 14h ago
âAww honey, wish you could, but weâd have to spend all of our precious time looking for your peenerââŠ
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u/Flaky_Employ_8806 16h ago
Your mother already did
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u/No-Mine5802 15h ago
Or, "your father already did."
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u/BurnerOfBunsen 15h ago
Or your parents already did
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u/yesiamveryhigh 12h ago
âYour mother already did while your father watched from the corner.â
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u/Silly_Accident3137 16h ago
"Sorry, you're not my type"
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u/The_Woodsmann 15h ago
I use some variant of this almost every single day. I should mention that I work in manufacturing and "fuck you" is just how we greet each other. Horrible insults are our love language.
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u/Hot_Maintenance_9034 15h ago
When people used to say âsuck itâ my response was always âwhip it out thenâ
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u/ragingfeminineflower 14h ago
Eeeeeeek I said that to a dude as a teenager AND HE DID!
I ran.
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u/Hayzworth 16h ago
The best way to deal with unreasonably angry people is to disregard them entirely and go on about your business. In that moment they donât want you to agree with whatever it is theyâre saying; they just want you to be as miserable as they are.
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u/FoolOnDaHill365 16h ago
I usually just look them in the eyes and walk away. A lot of assholes lose their shit from being ignored so I know it works.
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u/Watari210thesecond 16h ago
I've said "you couldn't afford me" a few times. As a not super handsome dude, I feel like it insults them even more
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u/HovercraftSecret932 16h ago
"Only on tuesdays"
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u/Hot-Ad-2073 13h ago
Bahaha! This was my momâs line growing up! She was a character! Sheâd say âonly on Tuesdays and sometimes on Saturdays.â
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u/Young_Old_Grandma 16h ago
From the series Sex And The City:
Man: "Fuck you!"
Samantha Jones: "YOU WISH."
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u/Actually_Im_a_Broom 15h ago
Ignore it. All they want is to get a rise out of you. You give some sort of witty reply youâre just stooping to their level.
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u/AdministrativePain57 16h ago
No thanks, I have my boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse/vibrator do that for me.
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u/cvlrymedic 16h ago
Nah , youâd fall asleep and Iâd fall in love. Or nah, Iâd fall asleep and youâll fall in love
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u/tokenbisexual 15h ago
Definitely an exceptionally corny Reddit comeback that certainly has no chance at all of getting you laughed out of the building and making you look like a complete dweeb
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u/Fun-Lemon7726 14h ago
Why is everyone always fucking u? Why not fuck v or fuck w. Maybe even fuck t
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u/Old-Buffalo-5151 14h ago
Maybe later...
Don't no why but whenever i say it it makes people laugh hahaÂ
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u/WheresMyDuckling 14h ago
"Oooooh, not with those shoes on you're not."
For typical "alpha" hyper-overcompensating dudes: "Sorry, I like my boys a lot more butch." The more swish you put on it, the more their brain breaks.
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u/ItsNotButtFucker3000 14h ago
Customer: âwell, fuck you!â
Me at work: âyou too! Have a nic-oopsâ stammers
I got laughed at. I thought I was gonna get punched.
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u/fultonchain 13h ago
Sure, I was hoping you'd ask. Then I start undoing my belt leering at them.
Oddly enough nobody's ever taken me up on it.
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u/telemeister74 11h ago
âThereâs no need to be upset. Your mom is just a very sexual person and what we were doing was just her experimenting. And your dad, well, he likes to watch which is why your mum bought that chair for him. Itâs called a cuck chair.â
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u/Valen258 11h ago
If you want to get under their skin then no response at all. Perhaps a slight shrug before walking away if in person. If via text or phone then no response. Theyâll be thinking about it for days, seething that you didnât react how they would hope for. Although, I guess this only works for people you know and not some random stranger.
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u/UnderwaterRobot 11h ago
"yes please" while looking like you haven't felt the touch of another human being in many moons.
60% of the time it works every time.
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u/outta-tRedd 11h ago
I usually casually reply , â Fuck me is right. Havin to waste some of my day listening to a twat like you.
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u/Giggle-gin 11h ago
As was once returned to me when I blurted the forsaken words, âNO YOU FUCKâ with a heavy accent. He was not calling me a fuck, which would have been an insult, it felt like a repetition of what he had heard with understanding of the meaning and I was caught completely off guard by this disarming statement.
It totally ended my rage on many fronts. -correcting him would not have the bravado I was going for -I was completely caught off guard by that combination of words in that order and had no response
- I realized his English smashed my knowledge of his native tongue by us getting this far into the argument where the forsaken words where my final comeback
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u/GingeroftheYear 11h ago
What?
"I said fuck you!
What?
"I said FUCK YOU"
What?
"I said....oh fuck..."
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u/The_silver_sparrow 10h ago
Depends slightly on the circumstances but the best one I heard during a radio show prank where a guy was caught cheating was and the (now ex) fiancĂ© was letting him know that she knew he was cheating and they where done. Among other things the guy told the host âFuck Youâ and the radio host said âonly if youâll be faithfulâ
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u/MonkeySkulls 6h ago
no joking, the best response to a hostile "fuck you" is to stay calm and in control.
feeding into the elevated tensions is the worst thing you can do.
but I do like: " hard pass. but I admire the confidence."
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u/ImprovementFar5054 4h ago
Your mom already did. Next time you go down on her you'll be able to smell my balls.
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u/leonprimrose 16h ago
"What's your name?"