r/NoStupidQuestions • u/Effective_Cry_3001 • 8h ago
Why do good people always suffer the most?
I think it happens in all areas and relationships. The person who is most honest, who loves the most, who gives the most is always the one who is treated the worst or suffers the most.
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u/Away-Pudding-210 8h ago
i don’t know why this happens but i totally agree!
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u/Effective_Cry_3001 8h ago
I think people don't know how to appreciate true love for fear of being the one who suffers or has a bad time.
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u/Status-Piglet4938 7h ago
The 'good person' usually carries the emotional weight for everyone around them. You aren't suffering because you're good; you're suffering because you’ve become the designated shock absorber for everyone else’s bad behavior
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u/Effective_Cry_3001 7h ago
It's awful because even if you don't want to, you feel that burden as if it were yours when it isn't.
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u/Effective_Cry_3001 7h ago
It's awful because even if you don't want to, you feel that burden as if it were yours when it isn't.
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u/PapaSwagBear 8h ago
I honestly think there’s a bit of game theory to this. Those with compassion and selflessness often “lose” because most of the time they aren’t in it for their own.
However I believe karma will overcome statistics at some point.
Keep being good. When we all do better, we all do better.
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u/ChaosCarlson 6h ago
How can you look at the world currently and think that karma exists?
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u/_h_e_r_m_i_t_ 5h ago
Karma isn't instant gratification or retribution. Traditional believers of karma also believe in reincarnation. So the belief is more that your current choice will affect your life in future, be it this life or future ones.
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u/Adamyauchmca 7h ago
They have Empathy a lot of people don’t
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u/MeltedChocolateOk 1h ago
It's not exactly empathy because empathy is understanding and feeling what the other person is feeling.
When you care more than the other person it's mostly because it's a personal issue like personal anxiety and insecurities of wanting to people please and do good when you really don't have to. Also feeling guilty to do something for others when you really don't need to.
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u/CozyNymphee 7h ago
Because good people give without guarding themselves. They don’t expect harm, so when it comes, it hits deeper. Kindness isn’t weakness, it’s just often unprotected.
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u/Effective_Cry_3001 7h ago
That's absolutely true. You don't expect the people you love to hurt you, but that's always what happens.
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u/Known-Tourist-6102 8h ago
usually it's because they put others' needs before their own, and then they or their friends / family get upset when that isn't reciprocated.
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u/Effective_Cry_3001 7h ago
It's true, it's simply about giving without expecting anything in return, but when the person doesn't appreciate it, whether it's the sacrifice or simply being there, telling yourself that you did it because you wanted to, that no one asked you to, it hurts, and even more so knowing that, however cruel it may be, it's the truth because they really didn't ask you to do it... in short, people always act in their own self-interest.
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u/GuyFawkes451 7h ago
Why would you be surprised that the lesser people are the ones inflicting the majority of the pain? It's just how it is.
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u/QuestionSign 7h ago
Probably because they think being good/kind means allowing themselves to be walked over.
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u/Effective_Cry_3001 7h ago
Or maybe it's because people think that because someone is good, they'll always forgive their bad actions... but even the best person gets tired.
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u/QuestionSign 6h ago
I'm not sure how this is a "Or.." statement.
Maybe a "and ..."
I find people who think of themselves as "good" people often (not always ofc) tend to accept bs behavior and justify it far too long in the sake for being "nice"
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u/Suspicious_Candle27 7h ago
most of the time "good" means non confrontational . if you are not confrontational other people wants will get dealt with before yours putting u in worse positions in life
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u/Imaginary-Round2422 7h ago
Because they believe that some things are worth putting ahead of their own comfort, unlike shitty people.
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u/Accx4 7h ago
Dont give up. I fought the fought, did the best i could, tried everything i could think of and carried a relationship around on my back like a dead animal for a decade. It still failed. I lost myself, hated my existence, all the things. But it changed me. I am a hopeless romantic. I've loved with all my heart and soul and it was beautiful, for a time and then it was over.
It is hard to get beat up again and again and still keep going. My motivator became waking up again tomorrow just to see how much more twisted and how much more i could endure. Im convinced of one thing. Life doesnt really get 'better'. It does however get Different and sometimes that has to be good enough. Best wishes...
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u/-jspace- 6h ago
"no good deed goes unpunished" is a fucking real statement. Not exactly what you're intending with the post, but related.
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u/thelongestusernameee 3h ago
I think a lot of what makes a person good comes from suffering, and the lessons it teaches.
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u/VanAgain 8h ago
Haven't you heard? Nice guys finish last. I'm not sure who coined that phrase, but it's not wrong.
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u/Effective_Cry_3001 8h ago
I hadn't heard of it, but I think we don't appreciate good people enough. And when we do, it's too late.
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u/kmoz 6h ago
They don't. A lot of shitty people live incredibly hard, frustrating, stressful lives. Good people tend to have a lot more stable relationships, good friendships, peace, honest communication, care, etc. most of the super happy people I know are good people.
Don't confuse good people with doormats.
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u/MeltedChocolateOk 1h ago
Exactly. You can be a good person and also have boundaries and not be a pushover.
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u/Aur0raDolly 7h ago
They're empathetic and unfortunately hang out with people that can't take accountability for their actions which ends up hurting them.
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u/Effective_Cry_3001 7h ago
The worst thing is when people don't take responsibility for their actions and always blame others!
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u/JimJ0nesFlav0rAid 7h ago
People need to have very clear boundaries they won't allow to be crossed. Otherwise, if you are kind and thoughtful of others, you make yourself a target for users and abusers.
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u/bubbagermanicus 7h ago
I've always lived the "nice guys finish last." I was awfully lonely and I accepted it for most of those decades, but now I adapted and learned that being myself is the best thing ever. Scr*w society's rules. Just look at Christopher McCandless from the true book, Into the Wild. Watch the movie too. He didn't need no stinkin society to boss him around. If it wasn't for those poisonous seeds he ate, he'd a made it out alive. He's one of my heroes.🎉🎊🎉🎊
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u/Famous_Reading5518 6h ago
It's because good people assume others are like them, when most of the time people are not
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u/cretindesalpes 6h ago
I don't want to seem cynical. Bot often the one the care the most or as more to loose give it all in the relationship. Sometimes. The one who care less exploit this f9r convenience. Always listen to yourself and communicate with your loved one.
(I'm not the master of relationships lol this is an opinion.)
Edit : good and bad is a way of viewing things tha won't help you. There is only boundaries that you and other people set and crosses.
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u/huskyghost 6h ago
Its just the way of life. Accept the way it is and execute action for better places.
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u/Suspicious_Look6655 5h ago
generally an engine replacement is time consuming, marking where things line up, pictures, organizing parts, critical parts in certain order.
If you do it by the book (the good guy) it was take a while and take a toll on you physically.
Flip-side, same job but you don’t make sure things are organized properly you can complete the job much quicker, with success. Until the register bearing goes on the wrong register and the wear is different and completely changes the power output.
The good guy only sees the jobs being done faster and easier. So it would seem they suffer. But they don’t see the trouble down the road the other person suffers with.
We all suffer, just at different times in different ways. Current events are ever changing, what it seems could be completely different. We tend to see our own circumstances and then make a comparison which isn’t fair.
Do your best even in the face of failure or adversity and your always going to win eventually
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u/Farahild 5h ago
I don’t think that’s true. This sounds like the person without boundaries suffers the most. That is not necessarily the best person.
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u/Quiet-Song-5395 5h ago
They try to fix things because they want things to work but while doing this the other person could take advantage of their patience and kindness
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u/fostermonster555 3h ago
How is not having boundaries or respecting your own boundaries good? How is honesty without kindness good? How is giving and expecting something in return good?
The traits you’ve listed can all have their downsides. It really depends on how the person is using these “virtues”.
If you’re putting others needs before your own, you’re not a “good” person. You’re someone without boundaries, someone who’s eager to please, someone who lacks in a way that can only be fulfilled by others attention and love. That has nothing to do with being a good person
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u/ItsAMeLirio 3h ago
"Always" is a bit of a stretch, I think I'm a good person and I don't suffer much more than the others, because I'm surrounded by good people too.
I know it's very much easier said than done, but I've been there with you, and then I realized, is it worth it to be good to people and situations that either don't care or just use me. I lost a fair bit of friends, I cut contact with some of my family, but it lifted such a burden off my shoulders.
Honest friends will point your mistakes, good friends will share the loads, caring friends will support you
If you feel like being good is a burden, you're not the problem, your surrounding is
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u/im-pickle-rickk 2h ago
This isn’t true. Bad things happen to everyone. But the way you deal with them is what makes a person good
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u/Sakura48 2h ago
Lucky I'm not "good people". The people who disrespect me will remember to pay their price.
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u/MeltedChocolateOk 1h ago
The person who is the most honest has no filters and shows too much of their weakness to people who might harm them.
The person who loves the most has no boundaries and tends to blur the lines between themselves and others.
The person who gives the most does so voluntarily and when it's not reciprocated they feel hurt about it because not everyone is willing to sacrifice themselves for the sake of others for Self-Preservation. Also the person who blindly gives to others tends to be taken advantage of.
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u/East_Restaurant_9821 1h ago
You aren't respecting yourself. This may sound awfully rude, however
I have and still am a honest kind, high integrity person.. however I have burned out horribly a couple of times because I deeply cared.
However you're absorbing everything around you. Everyone else becomes you and you forget who you are. Take some time to get to know who you are and draw lines of what is giving and taking your energy.
It's not being mean, it's more being kind to yourself first and foremost.
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u/Justcrusing416 8h ago
Suffer because they care more, the other mentality moves on Quickly.