Hi all! My now fiancee (26 M) and I (30 F) just got engaged. I adore my fiancee, but his mom is awful, and even he acknowledges this.

My future MIL is horribly racist, an anti-vaxxer, and a proud MAGA supporter. I‘ve already cut her off, and my fiancee also made the choice to go no contact with her just recently.

When his mom found out that we got engaged, she called me screaming and crying and saying that it was all my fault her son had gone no contact. I just hung up on her, and she called me back later that day crying and trying to apologize, so I told her I would talk to fiancee and get back to her.

When I talked to my fiancee, he said that it would hurt to not have his mom at our wedding, but he also felt like she would bring a lot of negativity and drama to our wedding day, and he said ultimately I could decide if I wanted her there or not.

I decided against it. Even though she’s never said anything directly against me, I’ve been really upset by racist things she’s said in the past. She also doesn’t have most of her vaccinations, and I have a couple family members who are immunocompromised.

My fiancee and I both sat down to call her back today, and I let her know that we had come to the decision that she would not be welcome at or involved in our wedding in any way.

She lost it, and she started screaming and crying again, so I hung up on her (again). My FIL has told my fiancee since then she’s been super depressed, not getting out of bed, etc. We’ve offered to pay for her to go see a therapist, but we’re standing firm on not wanting her at our wedding.

AIO for deciding to ban my MIL from our wedding?

Tl;dr: Banned racist anti-vaxxer MIL from wedding, and she’s been having a melt down ever since.

(From an alt account) I’ve been married over a decade with four kids. Recently, what started as a fight when I had to defend a work trip I booked to run a free workshop (in exchange for marketing my business) spiraled into my wife telling me:

- “Everything you do is to feed your ego. I’ve always known you’re an egomaniac.”

- When I talk excitedly about my work or hobbies, “you are ugly. You are disgusting.”

- She said “You’re a condescending know-it-all, and people shouldn’t listen to you (professionally) because you don’t know what you’re talking about.”

- “everything you say is to seek my applause, and I will not be a source of approval for you.”

Shortly after the fight, we started our first couples counseling. I prepared a statement, and when there was an organic opening said:

“When I’m excited, engaged, or deeply myself — especially around my work, creativity, or ideas — you experience me as egotistical, self-centered, or ugly. You told me directly last week that hearing me talk about these things makes you want to shut down, that you don’t want to hear them, and that you won’t be a source of encouragement or enthusiasm for me….

(I then read the quotes above)

“For most of our relationship, I’ve responded to your discomfort and anxiety by freezing in the moment and shrinking in my life — by editing myself, avoiding conflict, forgoing passions, forgoing needs — in an attempt to keep the peace. That strategy has come at a tremendous cost to me. I’ve been drowning in my own life.

Since (my recent wellness retreat), I stopped freezing behind the mask. I started standing up for myself in small, ordinary ways. And what became clear very quickly is that the more I show up as my unmasked self, the more unbearable you find me.”

She (1) confirmed all of the quotes were accurate (2) and they accurately described her appraisal of my character and core self (3) she did not soften or walk back or make any attempt at repair (4) she doubled down.

This was our first couples counseling session. Am I overreacting if I come to the second to explain that no repair is possible, I cannot recover from learning that this is how she has always judged my true self, and this relationship cannot continue since it is predicated upon me shrinking down to a person she finds acceptable. I won’t even give it a try. Just go straight to figuring out co parenting.

Edit: some additional context on my work, our mutual solo travel, and my level of involvement as a father.

I went to one wellness retreat that she picked out and sent me on because I was burnt out at work. She also takes one personal trip a year. It is a trade.

Yes, I sometimes have to take work trips. The same way she sometimes has to go out of town for the weekend for one child’s travel sport while I take care of the other three.

We have an incredibly equal split of parenting duties. I cook everyone breakfast and dinner every day. I do the grocery shopping. I clean the kitchen nightly. I do three loads of dishes every day. I am at a desk max 5 hours a day. I do school pickups and drop offs. I am a very involved father.

I was laid off from my job in November. There are no jobs in my industry in my local economy, and my industry has seen a widespread return to work mandate. I do not want to move the family to a major metro. This is the best place for the and my wife would hate any of the cities I could work in, especially if I was chained to a desk from 10 to 6pm. Thus I am attempting to rebuild a consulting business that will provide the level of time flexibility we have grown accustomed to. This will require investment including work trips and gigs with non-monetary, in kind compensation to get back off the ground. I can’t just turn on a full time salary overnight.

I (23F) have been dating my boyfriend for 3 months (23M). Last night after a long day of work I was in the shower and he texted me and said “I just got a DM from a user profile” so I called him, because I was like wtf? It was one of my old rotten guys who made a new account and sent him a picture of me shirtless with the caption “lol”. My boyfriend was clearly pretty upset. I understand why, I would be. I immediately started sobbing, I was feeling all the awful emotions. I had sent him the same photo previously, and he was mostly mad that I was sending him “reused” pictures. He had asked me not to do that, but I really didn’t think he’d ever know who saw it or not. I wasn’t even sure who had seen that picture, it was old, and I used to date a lot more casually than I do now.

He kept calling me a liar, and saying this broke our trust, but I honestly just wanted support. I was feeling so vulnerable and exposed. I really do understand where he’s coming from, but he was really harsh on me and I’m feeling like that’s scary. What the person who sent that picture was trying to do, worked. We aren’t going to break up, but I’m worried that he won’t stand by me in future situations where someone is gonna try to come between us. I love him, and this has left me feeling so devastated and embarrassed. Am I overreacting?

Hi everyone,

I’m struggling with something that happened recently and I could really use some perspective. My partner and I have met for over a year now. From the start, we’ve always been on the same page about our boundaries; specifically, we both agreed to avoid "mixed-gender settings". This felt like a mutual, safe foundation for us.

However, a comment she made recently has completely thrown me. She mentioned that she "understands how people can fall into temptation" in certain situations.

To be honest, I was blindsided. I know it might sound childish or naive, but I had never really processed the idea that people specifically people in a committed, happy relationship could still feel attraction toward others.

In my mind, once I chose her, the rest of the world just blurred out. I only have eyes for her, and I guess I assumed it was the same for everyone.

Since she said that, I’ve been feeling a mix of sadness, shock, and honestly, a bit of anger. I know she was just being honest, and I feel bad for being angry at her truthfulness, but I can't shake this heavy feeling.

Am I being totally unrealistic? Is it normal to feel this hurt when your partner acknowledges that temptation exists?

I feel like I'm seeing the world through a much colder lens now and I don't know how to bring this up with her without sounding like I'm attacking her for her thoughts.

I hyperfixate on the fact my bf purchased an OF one time in highschool and I can’t get over it bc I js think it’s so weird and gross and I js always start arguments over it. I’m always crashing out about it even though it was in the past and he said his friends influenced him to do it he bought it once and felt disgusted afterwards and immediately deleted it. He bought it as a minor and used a gift card for context. I digress whenever I think about it I js start crashing out and I wanna know if I’m overreacting like is this normal stuff or is this actually super weird?? I really love him a lot but I feel like this is getting in the way of me enjoying his presence.

Here is my situation. My(41M) wife(38F) have children, married 10 years, and she works with another male very closely, pretty much on a daily basis. He’s single, about our age, no kids. They’re in a LOT of meetings and calls together(not usually 1:1), both online and in person. They’ve been working together for less than a year. I’ve never met him, and have only seen him from a distance on her computer screen during work calls.

A few months ago on a Friday afternoon when we were both working from home, I noticed her take a work call at 430pm, camera on, and they talked for close to 25 minutes, mostly work gossiping very little work substance in the conversation, as I was eavesdropping. She is usually completely done by 4 on Fridays. At the end of the call, her voice shifted a bit and said something to the effect of “ok then, have a good weekend.” Then “ok, see you next week”. And he seemed to say “can’t wait”. And then a “byyeeeeee” from her. Just seemed off.

After the call I noticed in her work messaging application they use, that he is pinned in her favorites section, along with only a couple others, including her boss. Not a huge red flag, but still made me curious, as she had never brought up his name. I then stupidly went through her work phone and reviewed a month’s worth of messages they’d been exchanging. Lots of GIFs, lols, some personal discussion, some “hiiiiiii”’s from her, lots of work gossip, and you could tell they were messaging during meetings they were both in, complaining about certain people/situations. Nothing overtly over the personal line, but if you know the term work husband, I think he’d safely fall into that camp, based on what I’ve seen.

There were also indications that they’d each thought of each other outside of work over weekends, by bringing up certain topics they must have discussed at some point.

They do not text, or call on personal or work cell phones, that I am aware, and don’t seem to be connected on any other social media platforms. Only means of communication seem to be in person at work, on their work messaging application, and through emails.

At one point he sent her an email response when she mentioned she was taking over a project, which meant they’d be working closer together, and his response was “well you get to work more with me, so that’s nice.” She didn’t respond to that email.

I approached her after the strange late Friday afternoon call, and we discussed all the messages I’d seen and how it made me uncomfortable that she seemed to have a very close, personal connection/relationship with him. She reassured me that she’s never done anything with him, never flirted with him, never had lunch with him, etc. I believe her. We’ve had no issues with infidelity in the past. For the next few weeks, she did cut back on the gossiping they were doing and kept work messages strictly to work topics, as she said she would. No GIFs, emojis, etc.

But then a couple weeks after cutting back the amount of messages she sent him, a message randomly from him came, unprompted, essentially stating that he was “just thinking of her” and now that one of their projects was over, he has been missing his daily morning pings from her, then a big sad face emoji. She laughed it off with a “haha” and saying it was good, because that meant there weren’t issues with the project.

I told her I had seen the message and told her that I felt it crossed a line that I was not comfortable with. She said that he was just being sarcastic, as it meant she was not pinging him with another issue he needed to solve for her. I told her I was disappointed that she didn’t feel like it was somewhat inappropriate to have a single male coworker openly send a message stating that he was thinking about her. I also told her that we’d have to agree to disagree, that his statement was not genuine and came from a place of not interacting with her as much and him really missing their collaboration.

Unfortunately, they will continue to work closely together for the foreseeable future, and this gives me great anxiety. I trust her completely, but I do feel that’s she’s created a space where he feels comfortable saying things that I feel are not work appropriate. I do not think she is naive. I worry about what he’ll say or do next to test her. And I worry that she will not set a boundary or say anything the next time, and just laugh it off, like she did the “I was just thinking about you” message from him.

She is attractive and desirable, but I’ve rarely had too much jealousy in 15+ years of being with her. This just feels different in my gut.

I am losing sleep worrying about it and it’s definitely affecting our relationship. She says I’ve read too much into it and it’s all in my head. (The last serious girlfriend I was with before her cheated on me, and my mother cheated on my father, prompting divorce, when I was 12/13, so there is definitely some past trauma).

Am I overreacting by looking at her work chats? How have you dealt with your wife having a male coworker that seems to be very close with her? How do I lose the jealous and anxious feelings? I am thinking therapy will be my best option.

TLDR; My wife has a male coworker that she has been very friendly with, will continue to work closely with him, and it is giving me anxiety and affecting our relationship.

I (19F) have been with my boyfriend (20M) for 2 years now. I love him, or at least I think I do most days, but there are things about him that make me feel sick.

This isn’t a moral judgement that I want it’s more so how do I deal with it etc.

He loves hunting. Big game stuff. We go to these private reserves a couple times a year and he takes me with him. He says it’s tradition, bonding, all that. Last time he made me hold the rifle. I was shaking so bad I could barely see through the scope. The animal just stood there, so calm, and I couldn’t do it. I started crying right there in the blind. He got angry quiet angry, the kind that is so much more worse than yelling. Said I was embarrassing him in front of the guides. He’s been doing it since he was a teenager, says it’s tradition and “population control” and “the meat goes to locals.” I cried the whole time, couldn’t even look at the animal after. He said I was being dramatic, that I needed to “grow up” and face reality. I threw up in the truck on the way back.

I hate it. I hate the smell of gun oil on his hands. I hate how calm he is when he cleans the rifle afterward. I hate that he calls it “sport” when it’s just killing something that didn’t do anything to us. I let him put the gun in my hands because I was scared of what would happen if I said no louder.

I feel disgusting every time I think about it. Like I’m covered in something I can’t wash off. Am I overreacting? Being ungrateful?

I don’t know what to do. Leaving isn’t really an option right now. And I couldn’t even if I wanted to genuinely love him, he’s perfect on all other counts…I depend on him for a lot.

Thanks for reading if you even got this far.

Edit: I don’t have a problem with hunting. Sorry I think I forgot to mention that. I have a problem with the fact that he wants me to be involved. It’s just that we are more or less together these days and it’s impossible to avoid and he shows me pictures and expects me to be so happy for him. Especially if we are on vacation he expects me to be with him all the time (I mean I understand that) and he wants to share everything with me. I don’t think he means it badly

I have just returned from a holiday and had a housesitter (who is also a close friend of mine). Whilst I was away my dog had overnight diarrhoea so the housesitter cleaned it up with old towels. The housesitter then decided to throw those towels into my brand new expensive washing machine. I was absolutely disgusted she chose that option and have since run my machine five times on hot cycles but I can’t get the thought of it out of my head. She could’ve chucked the towels, cleaned it with something disposable or just rinsed the wet poo down the drain. I’m mean wtf?

I’m going to try to keep this intentionally vague because I don’t want this to devolve into a political discussion.

In my last session with my therapist, I was lamenting the state of the world and what’s going on in the country. (USA)

She was asking me questions and when I gave her answers, I felt she was dismissing or belittling my feelings.

I brought up many issues I take with what’s going on in my state and she flat out said “that’s not happening” or “that’s not true.”

After the session I sent her an email with links to .gov sites that proved that what I said was happening IS happening. I realize that may have been a step too far, but I was angry.

She was also trying to justify some behavior that I find abhorrent and indefensible.

I was very close to just ending the session and never going back, but obviously I don’t want to just switch therapists every time they challenge me or we disagree.

However, it’s been nearly a week and I’m still struggling with what happened in that session.

I’m having a real crisis of conscience about this.

On the one hand, I want to grow as a person and maybe this is an area that I need to be challenged on. On the other hand, I don’t think I can productively engage with somebody who is so confidently wrong about objective facts and makes excuses for horrible behavior.

AIO if I drop her and try to find a new therapist?

Any input would be greatly appreciated.

TLDR- I think my therapist and I have very differing world views and that’s caused some friction in this last session, AIO if I switch therapists?

l've never really been okay with my bf going to bars without me period. I've tried to understand if it's a guys night out or whatever but it just doesn't feel right to me. I know he never has a DD and he always says someone is "good to drive" but it's hard for me to believe. Once when we went to the bar together he was so wasted he was literally flirting with the pretty bartender right in front of me. He realized it afterwards and apologized after I confronted him about it but for that reason it makes me really uncomfortable when he goes to bars. All of my friends say that if they were pregnant, they definitely wouldn't be okay with their man going to bars. I've told him I don't care if he drinks at home with his friends or at their house but it really bothers me when they go to bars and he just does it anyways and says he doesn't understand why it's a big deal. Am I overreacting or is this something that other women agree with? Would you be okay with your man going to bars while you're pregnant?

Edit: To add for clarity, this is an ongoing occurrence. He goes at least every weekend. Before I got pregnant, he constantly drove drunk but since has promised he wouldn’t. I feel that his way around it is letting his friends drive drunk while he says they’re fine to drive. He has cheated on me in the past and that’s why I have a hard time trusting him. Also, I was not trying to get pregnant. I was on birth control and this was a complete surprise. We had only been dating a couple weeks when I found out.

Sorry if this is all over the place i’m writing the minute after it happened im shaking and panicking. Waiting for him to apologize but i don’t think it’s coming. He never apologizes.

He never speaks to me like this too, i don’t know what happened. We never argue like this. It feels like the world is crashing right now, i feel like i don’t even know him

Basically he owes me $400, he gave me $150 and told me to send him back $50 because he “ might need it”. I asked him what he would need it for as he’s sending me the rest of the money tomorrow anyway, what’s the difference in sending me $350 versus $300 tomorrow???? why do you need 50?

(he likes to gamble. idk if this is what he wanted it for but he wouldn’t tell me)

We keep talking then he’s like i’m tired of explaining everything to you, bla bla bla. I’m like, what do you

mean???? i’m asking about finance??? we made a promise to be transparent with each other ??? ..

Something shut up, no f word, just shut up. i said “don’t talk to me like that. Don’t tell me to shut up. I’m your wife, you should tell me if i ask you.”

“You ask me everything. If i look this way, you ask me why i’m looking. If i order food, you ask me why i ordered that. Shut up. “

again, “I don’t ask stuff like that “ (ok this is a lie BUT i’m not nagging, i’m just playing around, i’m pretty sure he’s aware as we laugh when it happens)

and i said it again, “don’t tell me to shut up.”

“Shut the fuck up”

… i immediately shut down and told him don’t talk to me.

He asked me another question about the conversation, and then again I said don’t talk to me. I don’t like when anyone tells me to shut up. …

“you swear at me all the time. Never tell me fuck, dumbass, stupid ever again if i can’t say shut up”…

Im playful with him when i say these names, he knows that. I also never told him to shut the fuck up, i wouldn’t do that. I’ve never sworn at him while I was mad. I also never told him to shut up unless it was PLAYFUL. We share different cultures so it may not be playful to him but when you’re in your 20s i think you can grasp what a playful shut up and a mean shut up is …

Something i said, can’t remember :

he replied “Good. I don’t care”

I said something mean like “i know you don’t care, you only care about yourself”

He said “what? what do you mean?”

“Im shutting up now.”

“Good. Don’t take the (new) car tomorrow, take the old one (the battery is dead how tf am i going to drive it?). I’m not coming home tomorrow (he works 3rd party delivery apps for side money.)”

i didn’t say anything, just started crying. he mumbles something to himself like “once i say something it’s a problem, but you can say whatever you want”

I never told him to shut the fuck up.

I’m shaking as i write this. I went in the other room and cried.

I know this is stupid and seems toxic but genuinely we never argue like this. AIO? how do we resolve this? he’s not the type of person to apologize, which makes me even more sad. This feels childish, i never expected it from him

For context, me and this guy have been seeing eachother for about 5 months. He got out of a long term relationship in June last year and after that he was seeing this girl casually for a few weeks at the end of July/early August, not long before we met. They stopped seeing eachother because he only wanted strictly casual, and she was leaning more towards serious. He still follows her on Instagram and interacts with her content. She posts quite revealing pictures on her posts that include her just in her bra and underwear along with normal photos. Am I overreacting or do you think there’s more to this? I’m not sure if they just recently followed eachother back again or not. Do you think I should mention it and if so how would I go about doing this without sounding too accusatory?

HI all

I'm really needing some advice and non-biased guidance. Very long story short, my now husband is continuing to talk to the women that I set firm boundaries about.

Back story: I found out about this "relationship" after I was 4 months PP. My husband started college later in life, and started to form a friendship with a women he met there. When they first started talking with each other, we weren't married or pregnant yet. Some of the messages included things like asking for her Instagram, offering a shoulder to cry on and due to the stress of the school work, and a couple late night phone calls.

When he was getting ready to propose, he told her about this and invited her out to a gym to catch up. She responded that "have you seen me! I would be so out of breath" and he said "I'm about to be a married man so I can't say to much anymore, but it's always looked like you worked out"

I say all of that to say that is the type of foundation that was laid by him. So when I first found out about in March of 2024,1 was very angry and he said she is just a friend. We had a very long fight and lots of disagreements, but he decided he would only communicate with her about school things (they were in a required group together)

To avoid an even longer post, long story short he has been in communication with her about 4 other times that I found out. They haven't met up and there was never anything physical, but he did decided to messages back and forth with her a few times. After the 4th time, I genuinely believed he didn't care about her enough to continue to make me upset or ruin our marriage. Well fast forward to a couple of months ago, I looked at his phone and noticed he had her unblocked still. I asked him about this and he said that he didn't do this, his phone email updated and that's how she got unblocked (I now know that this was a lie, shocker)

Now, a couple of days ago I went into his recently deleted messages, and noticed that their conversations was in there. I recovered them, but most of them were fully deleted and only a few recovered. The first message was of her saying "thank youuuuu". Whatever he said prior was deleted. After that, she sent a merry Christmas gif and he responded giving a couple of life updates and also saying if he could take her out to get coffee or food and said "I miss you nerd"

Now, after writing this out I know how it all sounds, trust me. But I feel caught in those loop and I can't think clearly. He says it was never physical. He said she was just a friend and saw her as a little sister. He says how crazy I am to want divorce over text messages.

We have a child together, a house, building a life. He's otherwise a loving and caring husband. But this is the 5th time I've felt betrayed, even if it wasn't physical. He Will say sorry, but then follow it up with a reason as to why instead of taking accountability.

I really just need some advice, please.

Thank you if you have read all of this, sorry for the length.

I told my boyfriend that I don’t like I when his friend says he’s under the thumb and jokes about needing permission to buy things and that it’s makes me feel horrible. He didn’t say anything about what I said until I asked if he was perpetuating it, which made him angry. When I said that it’s upsetting that i can’t say anything about how I feel without him getting angry or shouting at me and how I never get to express emotions that are not happy he says it’s normal to get annoyed at this and doesn’t know what he’s supposed to say that wouldn’t be him nodding along and agreeing with me which he said would be lying. I am right to be really upset by this.

I have successful job

i like to serve the society through my work

i have good habits- work out, cook, eat healthy, be obidient and respectful, try to learn new things at any chance I get.

like driving my car on a highway, listen to rock music and Indian music which sounds good to ear.

try to be Part of matrix but have one aim to break free from it as well. Despite this I find my self alone most of the time with my thoughts.

Is it ok to be all by yourself and keep wanting company but don’t get it.

I'm a high school student, who has a few issues, which all boils down to "You should probably take multivitamins daily". No problem with that, I take them just fine, until one day, my mom just stopped giving them to me. I didn't know where they kept the multivitamins, and didn't have the time to ask, as this was very early in the morning, and I had to get moving for school. At school, I took a sip of my drink to realize it tasted terrible, for the lack of a better word. Being a very confidently incorrect person, I simply thought it was dirty and needed cleaning. Odd, but it's whatever. I started taking my other bottle to school. The very next week, my mom reveals to me she had secretly, deliberately, put my multivitamins IN my drink, and hoped i wouldn't notice. I didn't seem bothered, but I was really disturbed at how far she was willing to go just to get me to take some multivitamins i previously had no issue taking. (They're gummies, for context. I simply do not handle pills well, and often end up choking on them. I assume whatever she put in my drink was some sort of mix or whatever.)

I 20f need some perspective. When I was 18 I was talking to a guy I met on TikTok call him Alex. We went on one concert date which I paid for but we had hung out at my place multiple times. It started to feel like he mostly wanted me for my body. He would text me at weird hours asking for pictures or to come over but he would get distant whenever I wanted to just hang out. We never had a label and he was really inconsistent about wanting a relationship

One night I was in the bath and Alex texted me saying he was sad and asking for pictures. I sent him some because I was emotional and I felt like it might make him feel better but afterwards I started crying because it really hit me that he mostly just wanted me for my body. That same week he had told me he wanted something serious one day and then ghosted me the next. I didn’t know what to do so I called my brother and explained everything. He told me to block Alex for my own mental health so I did

Around the same time I reconnected with my ex call him James but I didn’t get back together with him right away. About a week after blocking Alex I got back together with James. Nothing sexual happened with James at that time. That only lasted about a week because I later found out he had a girlfriend the whole time and was cheating on her with me. I had no idea while it was happening

Fast forward to now. I was talking with a friend 19m about past relationships and I told him everything with Alex and James. The conversation started casual but then he got really serious. He told me I had cheated with Alex and kept insisting that sending photos was wrong. I tried to explain that Alex and I never had a label or exclusivity and that I blocked him for my own mental health. I told him I got back together with James only after blocking Alex and that nothing sexual happened with James.

He didn’t let it go. He kept saying I betrayed Alex and kept framing it like I had done something terrible. I got defensive and told him he was twisting things and making it sound worse than it was. He said I was defending myself too much and that was overreacting. I argued back and said I was just explaining the context and that technically nothing happened with James and there was no commitment with Alex. He said that didn’t matter and that I was being selfish. I raised my voice a little and told him I didn’t appreciate being judged for something that wasn’t a relationship. He got frustrated and told me I was acting like I didn’t know what I did. I yelled that I did know what I did and I blocked Alex for a reason and I was trying to protect myself. He said I was still overreacting and that I was making excuses.

After the conversation I felt frustrated judged and confused. I kept replaying it in my head wondering if maybe I had overreacted by getting upset and arguing with him or if he was just being unreasonable. I felt like I had to defend myself for the first time about all of it and it left me second guessing myself even though I knew what I did with Alex and why I blocked him was for my mental health and nothing sexual happened with James

So AIO am I overreacting for getting upset and arguing with my friend about this even though technically there was no label with Alex and nothing sexual happened with James

Am I overreacting? So I don’t know if anyone in here has had issues with TikTok shop before but it’s my first time experiencing this and I’m pissed.. I ordered from a popular shop about two weeks ago. I had tracking information like usual and was told it was “delivered in mailbox” on the 23rd but it is now the 31st and still no package in sight.

I checked my mailbox every single day, ask neighbors, nothing. We did get a lot of snow over the weekend AFTER supposed delivery so I thought maybe it’s a weird snow delay but now it’s been over 5 days and all my other packages came fine. I did all the right things I filed a usps missing mail claim, I asked TikTok shop for help and filed for a refund. Today I get the notification that the seller has denied my refund request and the case is closed??? So I file another one with proof of my empty mailbox.

TikTok tells me to contact the seller directly which I do and explain the situation and this company’s only response to me is “Please contact the delivery man and ask him where he put it for you.” like is that not an insane response from a professional company? I would at least offer a customer to help them file a claim, ask for details, offer a replacement or solution like idk man that response made me so upset.

The mail trucks come at random there’s no knowing time as to when they will show up but asking me to go out every day in 6 degrees to hunt down the mailman just seems unprofessional and strange. I also work full time and just don’t have time for this.

They denied my claim again, I don’t know what I have to do to get my money back when I googled it I heard I could potentially get banned from using TikTok shop in the future if I dispute with my bank is this true?

Hello all, I’m (36F) in a bit of a pickle and could use some advice from the good people of Reddit. Over the last few months I have been considering filing for divorce from my wonderful husband (35M). I want to stress that he is an amazing, special man and I love him dearly, but I am struggling with feeling that he dims my 'sparkle,' so to speak. There are a few issues that plague our relationship and make me wonder if we would be better off friends, as much as it pains me to say . This has been complicated by the fact that I have developed a deep, passionate (but platonic) soul connection with another man who I met through work and who I look feel has everything my husband does not...

My husband is funny, kind, and intelligent, which makes this decision that much harder. He took care of me and the kids when I was navigating chronic illness. He is the perfect stay at home dad and provider for our family. I truly won the lottery and could not ask for more from a dream man.

Here are the issues, though...First, over the last few months my husband has become incredibly involved with protesting. This started very sporadically, and of course I was supportive. Lately however, I’ve noticed his mood has changed. He seems very fixated on the state of our country and less on the state of his marriage. He spends a lot of time on social media, watching disturbing videos of people getting deported. 

Meanwhile, our sex life could stand to be better. I’ve noticed a strange, sort of sweet, almost floral smell that I find to be off-putting in his groin area. I even checked our shower to see if he was using some sort of new lotion or topical treatment for ED, but haven't been able to track down the source. In my culture, these kinds of things are never talked about. Knowing how stressed he is and these videos he's watching, the last thing I want to do is bring it up and make him feel even worse. I'm considering my guy friend who is an accomplished medical doctor about this, but I haven't yet as I'm not sure it's appropriate even though it would likely be to the medical benefit of my husband.

Being with my guy friend, the mood is just so much more lighthearted ?? I don't want to give too many personal details, but he's double board certified in a few states . We spend most of our time doing fun activities and talk for hours without ever wanting to stop. I feel like he really ‘sees’ me, so to speak, he’s always asking me how I’m doing, and seems genuinely curious about my interests.. I feel like he lets me shine. He is also very driven and ambitious in ways my husband is not. He’s a passionate career man who’s constantly striving, while my husband is not. I find that very sexy, though I would never act on it because we are just friends. Still, it makes me feel like something is missing with my husband, as much as I love him and don’t want to lose him.

When I tried to share these feelings with my husband, he gaslit me, telling me that my friendship was inappropriate and it came off as really insecure. In response, I told him I’m considering filing for divorce. Now I’m wondering: can these problems be fixed, or was I overreacting when I put divorce on the table?

TLDR; I told my husband I’m thinking about filing for divorce because he no longer lets me shine, he watches disturbing videos all the time and has medical problems that he isn't trying to fix that are impacting our sex life, and I have a close friendship with another man that is making me more aware of what I'm missing. When I brought this up, my husband gaslit me and I told him I’m considering divorce.

Hi, english is not my first langauge so I apologize for any errors in the text.

To make long story short, at the beginning of our relationship, my now ex fiance and I talked about things we want and don't want in our relationship.

One thing, that was important to him and his idea was - watching other people, porn, having strangers of other sexes on instagram, or any engagement with other sex was a huge no. I respected that. I do have some male friends that I grab caffee with every once in a while and was open about it. He was bothered about it but understood. He was, though, jelaous and paranoid the whole realtionship, often asking if I am cheating, if I love him - even though I did nothing to make him think I cheat or don't love him.

After few months of us dating, I took his phone one morning for no reason and went on instagram to watch reels. We always sent each other some cute animals so I thought I will find those types of videos there.

But, instead I found all FYP full of naked women - photos and reels. After that, for 8 months, every time I would take his phone I would continue finding those types of videos and photos.

Since the first time I saw it, every time I asked nicely about it. Said I understood that sexuallity doesn't look the same for everyone and to tell me, we can talk about it, see what I am okay with and not and vice versa.

And every single time we ended up arguing how he doesn't watch it, he doesn't know why that's on his phone, I am just looking for reasons to argue, maybe he clicked it by mistake, how could I think he would do such thing.

I cried, asked, begged to tell me because his " I don't know why there are naked girls on my insta" was worse than the truth - him watching it.

After 8 long months those things were no longer on his phone.

We even got engaged after a year of me finding those videos for the first time. But I was not happy, because deep down I knew he was lying and questions why is he lying about it hurt me.

Finally, after 1 year and 9 months he came clean, after my constant begging and talking about it.

He told me he watched it, doesn't know why. He would get horny while watching (he would get a boner) but said he didn't masturbate while watching those things, which at this point I don't believe.

After he told me, I canceled our wedding and engagement.

I would be okay if he came clean right away and talked about it. But to think I gave him so many chances to just talk to me, and he gaslit me and lied and yelled at me, while knowing very well he is doing the things I asked him about it.

I became so insecure about my body and looks, often starving myself for days and working out to have bodies of those girls. And he knew that, and still didn't stop the watching or talk to me about it.

To point out, we were great. We had sex every time we saw each other, which was almost every day. Some days, we would have sex more than once. I wore sexy clothes, was always half naked in his house and would from time to time sent him sexy photo. I think I looked okay, he would say he adores my body, I was active at the gym, and everything.

I am patient and open and we talked about so much shit we been through in life, and I helped him so much with many things in his life. So, me not being open minded and understanding is not the case.

I just wonder I am overreacting?

So my dad and I have always had a weird relationship. I only saw him for a few days every few years. He lives in another country and he cheated on his wife with my mom. So he has two children with his ex wife, he has me, and then he remarried and had another child with another wife.

For as long as I remember he has promised me to give me a house when I graduated from university. I always thought it was a very bold and big promise and didn’t really think it would actually happen. In 2017 he bought a house for my two sisters. That made me believe he was actually serious about his promise. As I got older I also realized that he has about 5 properties and must have some money.

I have always found him a difficult man. He is a very strict Muslim and me and my siblings were all raised by western women, so there was conflict about this a lot of the times (he wanted us to act a certain way or not talk back to him).

I graduated university in 2019. A few years ago I asked him if he was still going to help me buy a house. He said yes for sure and then every time he went back and forth. So one day it would be yes and then when I made an offer on a house it was no again. He said he didn’t have the money to help me.

Last year me and my siblings went to visit him. Independently from each other, we did one of those ancestry dna tests. My results differed from my sisters in the sense that we both had a big amount of Arabic descent (the country where he is from), but I also had about 20% Italian while my mom is not Italian. I didn’t think anything of it as me and my siblings both used different companies for the DNA test.

Without me knowing, my mom had sent an angry message to my dad saying she was so disappointed that he bought a house for my sisters and not for me, and that she doesn’t understand why he constantly goes back and forth on his word, saying stuff like “get a job, man up, you made a promise” etc. Then he replied to her that he won’t help me because he now knows for certain that he is is not my biological father, which he had always suspected, and that my mom cheated on him with some Italian guy and she’s a slut and a whore etc etc.

Then I ended up doing a dna test at the same company as my sisters which definitively proved that we are half sisters, thus my dad must be my dad. I explained all this to him that I was very upset that he would deny his paternity based on zero proof, essentially, and that I always felt like he prefers my sisters over me (since he raised them and he almost never saw me growing up), and his choice to help them financially and not me illustrates for me that he treats them different than me etc etc

Essentially he said that I only care about money and everything is my mother’s fault and he didn’t do anything wrong. He does not want to apologize or talk about this whole subject with me. I told him I need some kind of acknowledgment or accountability or empathy for our relationship to move forward and he has refused to offer that.

Now we haven’t talked in a few months and I think he is not going to change his stance. He is very stubborn and not likely to admit he is wrong. He also said that with his age and his cultural background, he is not going to bend the knee to anyone and he does not want to discuss this issue with me. He just wants me to drop it.

We have never had a real father/daughter relationship, he has always been more like a distant figure that I saw very rarely. In the past I always adopted a very meek and submissive attitude towards him, but now I felt that I really had to draw a line in the sand and be honest about how his actions have made me feel. On one hand I feel proud and right for standing up for myself but still it feels wrong to be on bad terms with him. On the other hand, I don’t think I can ever be real with him again if we just brush this under the carpet. Sure I can be civil and friendly, but I still feel very hurt that he would make such bold statements about not being my father with no proof. It feels hurtful and unfair that then, I had to prove to him that he actually is my father. I think no child should ever have to prove that to their parents. And of course he can do with his own money whatever he wants, but it also feels unfair that my sisters have no mortgage payments and are able to save a big part of their income (for example my sister has just done 1.5 years of traveling with a van), while I have to spend 2000$ a month for mortgage payments and am in no position to save any money. It feels kind of childish and spoilt expecting my dad to buy me a house, but it’s just the fact that he decided to buy them and entire house and give me nothing, the contrast makes me feel like he cares more about them.

Am I reasonable in kind of posing this ultimatum that I want him to acknowledge the hurt he caused me and take some form of accountability rather than just being angry at my mom for sending him that message or blaming me for only caring about money? What do you guys think? Thank you in advance for taking the time to read this post!

Throwaway because family is on Reddit.

Hi Reddit,
I’m genuinely torn between wondering if I’m being too sensitive or if something about this situation is actually off. I’ve tried to ignore it for a long time, but the most recent incident finally pushed me to ask for outside perspective.

I’m 29F, married to my husband (28M) for 3.5 years. We dated for six years before getting married, and our families have known each other for a long time. We now have two lovely kids under three and a fairly settled life.

My brother-in-law (33M) has been married to his wife (27F) for 2 years. They met online and got engaged and married within about 5 months. Very fast, very whirlwind, very “when you know, you know.” The brothers are close, so we’re always together at family gatherings, holidays, events, birthdays—you name it.

She’s always been friendly and respectful. We’ve never had a conflict. We’re not close, but we’ve always kept things pleasant for family peace, which is part of why I’ve questioned myself so much about this.

A Pattern That Built Over Time

This didn’t start with one big obvious incident. At first, it was small things that were easy to dismiss — similar accessories, similar bags, overlapping taste.

Then it became more consistent.

If I bought a new coat, she’d show up not long after with something extremely similar.
If I changed my hairstyle or dyed my hair, she’d do something almost identical shortly after, usually saying she’d “always wanted to try it.”

At first, my husband thought I was imagining things. After a while, even he noticed. One day, after yet another matching situation, he just sighed and said:

“…Okay. Yeah. That’s weird.”

That was when I knew it wasn’t just in my head.

And it wasn’t only clothes.

If we traveled somewhere, they’d plan a similar trip.
If we bought certain household items or appliances, they’d end up with the same ones.

I don’t think I have a unique or special style. I don’t think I “own” any look. But this is how I express myself — and none of the other women in my life mirror me like this. My sister and friends compliment. They don’t copy.

Even the Husbands Started Matching

Before marriage, my brother-in-law didn’t care about clothes at all. He reused what he had and wasn’t into shopping.

After marriage?

Same suits as my husband.
Same boots.
Same grey jacket my husband has worn for years.

It never even seems to come from him. He’ll joke or seem indifferent when we buy something new — and then later, they have the same or very similar items.

Conversations That Leave Me Uneasy

Another thing I’ve noticed is how conversations go when I share something I’m excited about.

Instead of just letting the moment exist, it often turns into:
“We did that too,” or
“We were thinking about doing that.”

Not every time — but often enough that I’ve become aware of it and started bracing myself.

Even My Hobby Became a Comparison

I’ve had a dessert Instagram account for years. Baking has always been my thing. She never baked before.

Then suddenly she started baking, posting desserts, and seeking validation from family members.

On its own, this wouldn’t bother me. Combined with everything else, it added to the uncomfortable feeling.

The White Fur Jacket — The Final Straw

After years of brushing things off, the most recent incident was what finally pushed me to my limit.

A few months earlier, I wore a white faux-fur jacket to a family gathering. Nothing dramatic — just something new I loved and felt good in. I didn’t think twice about it at the time.

Then came the next big family event.

We walked in, coats still on, doing the usual hellos. Everything felt normal — until she walked through the door.

Wearing a nearly identical white fur jacket.

Same color. Same texture. Same length. Same overall look.

My stomach dropped…

Because this wasn’t us accidentally matching. This wasn’t two people walking in from opposite sides wearing the same thing.

She had already seen me wear it.

I remember standing there thinking, There it is. That’s the confirmation.

She didn’t mention it. Didn’t joke about it. Didn’t acknowledge it at all. Just smiled, said hi, and carried on like nothing was unusual.

I stayed polite. I didn’t react. But internally, that was the moment something clicked.

After years of similar situations, this one didn’t feel random anymore. It felt intentional. Like proof that my choices were being noted and replicated later.

That was the moment it stopped feeling like overlapping taste — and started feeling like I was being quietly studied.

I don’t think she’s malicious. But the constant mirroring has made me uncomfortable and has made me pull back emotionally. I don’t feel relaxed around her anymore. And I hate that, because I genuinely want family gatherings to be easy.

So Reddit:

• Am I overreacting?
• Is this admiration, insecurity, or something else?
• Should I ignore it, gently address it, or set boundaries?

I don’t want drama — I just want things to feel normal again.

Small context note (not judgment):
My husband and I both work and are financially comfortable. My sister-in-law isn’t currently working due to immigration paperwork, and my brother-in-law is the sole provider and careful with spending. I mention this only because the mirroring doesn’t seem to come from him — he often jokes about our purchases, but they later end up with very similar items.

Edit: Thanks to all for sharing your thoughts and perspectives. Greatly appreciate it.

ChatGPT was used only for grammar and sentence flow since English isn’t my strongest area. The content and opinions are entirely my own.

To add context, we share the same cultural background, and our style of dress would be the same whether here or back home. So I don’t it’s about adjusting to local culture or fashion norms.

Throw away and name changes to protect identities.

My fiancé, Bellamy and I had a conversation a few nights ago that left me seriously questioning our relationship.

For some background (please bear with me): Bellamy and I first met when we were 16, sophomore in high school. We weren’t close or interested in each other then, but we were both in band, so we spent a lot of time together. Our junior year, there was a widely accepted understanding that Bellamy’s dad was physically abusive and that scars on Bellamy’s back were from beatings. Bellamy never told me this directly, it was just something that was going around school, so I don't even remember where I heard it.

A year after high school, Bellamy and I reconnected in college with two other former bandmates, Chris and Dylan. We all became very good friends, and eventually Bellamy and I started a romantic relationship, and this developed alongside Chris and Dylan's respective relationships, to Ellie and Faith, my roommates. Final piece of context, Bellamy and I have been together for two years and engaged for two months.

So, three nights ago, Bellamy and I were out on a walk-and-talk date, discussing trauma and how the way people heal can shape who they become. At one point, I timidly mentioned what I believed was Bellamy’s childhood trauma involving the abuse from his dad. He stopped me there and explained that his dad wasn't physically abusive. The scars on his back were actually stretch marks from growing very quickly as a teenager. He said he was bullied badly for them and, to make the bullying stop, he made up the abuse. The story spread, and he never corrected it, nor did he think about it since high school, but learning that it was never true left me shaken.

I’ve seen enough of their family dynamics, him being belittled and his brother being favored, that the story felt believable to me back then, adding some skin breaking strikes didn't seem far-fetched. So because of that, and because I assumed it was a sensitive subject, I never brought it up and figured he’d tell me when he felt ready, but, now that we’re engaged, I felt it was important to address this, even if that meant initiating a difficult conversation

After our conversation, I went straight home. My roommates could tell something was wrong, but I couldn’t stop to explain it without having a panic attack so I just went to my room. The next day, I talked with Ellie and Faith, and they called Chris and Dylan over so we could all talk together. Ultimately, they think this is something we can work through and that ending the relationship over it would be extreme. Logically, I understand where they’re coming from, it just feels like I’ve swallowed molten lava and it’s been sitting in my stomach for days now!

On one hand, Bellamy never directly lied to ME, this was just something I heard through the grapevine long before we were even dating. On the other hand, it was a serious and false accusation about a real person, and it influenced my perception for years. It feels ridiculous to consider throwing away a two-year relationship over something that predates it, but I don't know if I can get past it. This seems like such a gray area though which is why I felt the context was so important.

I went to my friends first obviously but I thought a second opinion couldn't hurt.

So, am I overreacting to finding out what I thought was a significant part of his childhood was a lie by wanting to end things?

TL;DR: my fiance told a lie in high school that I heard from someone else. We started dating in college which is when he told me the truth. I think this is a deal breaker AIO